Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My life changed on 09/15/20 I had borrowed my husband's phone to use hotspot for a tablet for my grandbaby we are raising and he got an email from "freaky roxy" right then my heart dropped and I started digging around and found out he had been going on websites to talk to other women ...I had no clue this was coming we have been together since we were 15 and 16 years old and we took pride in our relationship and the fact we still wanted to be together and made each other laugh or at least I thought we did..We have been through so much together but nothing could have prepared me for this he says he's done talking to them but I know it's only because he can't afford to keep doing it as it cost money everytime he wants to "talk" he has totally flipped the script on how he treats me and his attitude towards our children and grandchildren we are raising..I can't eat, sleep or anything and he truly doesn't care every one says kick him out but I'm so torn he's all I've known for 25 years and up until now he's never treated me like this I feel like he's only here because he can't afford to leave me im a stay at mom who depends on him for everything we are also raising our 2 grandchildren who are only 1 and 2 years old because our daughter is an addict I'm so broken right now and truly lost as to what to do...He says he loves me and he wants to try to work it out but his actions speak otherwise everytime I try to talk to him he gets angry or leaves I'm not sure how much more I can take...how does one after 25 years turn on you in the blink of an eye?
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
I just replied to another post on here that sounds a lot like your situation. Maybe it would help you to read this other one -
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/infidelity/discussion/unable-to-heal-from-the-trauma
You can not change him.
Love yourself for the gift you are. focus on yourself and heal yourself, give yourself the time to heal and care for yourself.
It feels like the end, but it is not.
Take time to out and love the things you love to do.
I write similar to him - I had/havea porn addiction that I kept trying to kick but it got worse and now it's - or me - destroyed everything. Yet I still love my ex wife and children greatly, and want desperately to put things right. I don't know how to. I think he's addicted and whilst there's no excuse there are things that can be put right.
The problem with infidelity, is you will have anger, hurt, for a very long time. Maybe forever. Have you considered getting therapy? At least for yourself. But couples counseling might help too, and is worth a try.
He has to really really want to save this marriage. You can not just look the other way. You need to let him know that none of this is okay, and that you will not stand for this. The more you deny it, or look the other way, he will just do it again and again. It will only escalate on his end.
I get that you have known him 25 years, so that makes it hard because you are used to him. He is familiar. But, that doesn't mean you two have to stay together as a couple.
Your profile says you are only 42 years old. That is very young. You can have a full life with another person.
Please think about if you really want to live like this. If you are okay if he brings home HIV to your house that has your grand babies there. That you are okay if he gets another woman pregnant. These are the realities of husbands cheating.
You deserve better for your life. I know you want to believe he will stop, and you said you will be patient.... but actually you should be taking action toward getting yourself together, counseling, protecting your assets, having your own bank account, your own money... etc. I would be mad as hell if my partner was spending OUR money on some other woman! Being patient and hopeful won't get him to stop his behavior.
Since you know him best and this is a new and disturbing change in him, does he agree that what he is doing is wrong? Will he go get treatment? Psychiatrist, a therapist, etc.
What is it that you fear in confronting him?
No matter which way things go, please take care of yourself each and every day. Self care. Eat, sleep, de-stress, hobbies, exercise, chat with friends, have "me" time. You look after YOU, first and foremost. It's important for your physical health and your mental health during this stressful time.
It seems he is either committed to discussing what motivates him, making the relationship work, examining it and making it better, or the alternative is divorce. If he's not committed to stopping, admitting what happened, and making the commitment to making it work, then get work, and one assumes it should be better in the long run for you.