Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Hello,
My situation;
My husband and I were together for 16 years. (First girlfriend/boyfriend, very very close throughout all these years.)
We had a rough time upon starting a family together - I went through IVF 3 times and I had x3 very traumatic pregnancies/births. Our first daughter was stillborn at 7 months.
Upon my youngest childs birth my husband seemed to suffer mentally. He said he didnt bond with our baby. We were trying to access help but before we could - my husband had an affair at work.
We'd 'just' moved into our dream family home, everything was finally slotting into place and then I discovered this affair last year - which had developed over just a couple of months during 'lunchtimes' at work by that point! (I saw her messages and their naked photos)
I calmly asked my husband not to leave us. Our baby was only a few weeks old and our eldest only 2yrs old.
But he said he had feelings for the other woman - and he ran away for 2 months.
The other woman was engaged and has a daughter from a previous marriage.
I suffered incredibly, caring for two children entirely on my own (I have no family support) and I was in a state of complete shock.
On another note, we had estranged from my husbands family (whom he'd suffered childhood problems with) following our wedding day, 12 years ago.
He described them as being dead to him and that he'd never speak to them again - however during our break they reconsiled.
I spent a lot of my effort offering him chances to return to our family (too much) I tried to offer understanding and support, but he stated that I would never forgive him, that he loved me but was not in love with me...
He attended a counselling session with me and he stated he had felt unhappy for around the last 12 months (ie our time as new parents!) The counsellor clarified we were still very much in love but the stress of the circumstances we'd been under had given chance for the affair.
After 2 months of him 'thinking' he finally came to see me and we agreed to spend 'family' time together once a week for the children.
He stated if he didnt like spending time with me he wouldnt be with me and thus I hoped this time was positive...
However he would 'never' confirm if the affair was ongoing, he had a wall up with me and it caused a lot of anxiety for both of us, which sadly didnt help these times to be 100% positive. It was very distressing for me as this man changed almost overnight, it was very much like a death and I was really confused re why the situation was as it was.
He started cancelling the visits, being late or not showing up and completely stonewalling my messages - which caused me even more mental pain.
I went out of my way to invite him (and his family) to events, but he would mess me around.
Last Christmas I finally found definative proof that the affair was still ongoing and so I stopped contacting him.
He hasnt messaged me or seen us since...
The last proper conversation we had was around this time and he stated he 'didnt' want a Divorce, he had tears in his eyes, he said there was always hope.
However, in the middle of the pandemic I was issued with the shock of Divorce papers. Citing my unreasonable behaviour as the reason - that Id stopped him seeing his family for 12 years.
Which was unbelievable and painful to read.
I am thus, struggling with the level of pain involved by the 'layers' of this betrayal.
Not only by my husband, but the other woman - a woman whom was fully aware of what I had been through to have our children and was aware of our childrens ages...but also my husbands family whom were fully aware of the fact my husband had an affair at this time and yet they are in full support of this new relationship rather than us saving our marriage.
I just wanted 'one' chance to save our marriage, for it to recieve respect - for our children to recieve that 'respect'.
Instead Ive been dealt the blow of infidelity, abandonment, single parenthood and now the 'blame' for the affair and the marriage breakdown.
I am stood alone whilst he has a seemingly happy life full of support behind him?
I am 'terrified' of what he is capable of. I have increasing anxiety as my biggest fear is him trying to take the only reason Im still alive - my children, enabling him to simply 'swap' one wife for another and live happily ever after.
Ive thus spent so much time researching affairs and how they 'usually' end soon after discovery etc, how guilt catches up with them, how men dont usually leave their wives for their mistresses - especially when young children are involved...and I feel like, I am so unlucky, why is this affair surviving? :( Its 2 years since they met now.
I cant identify support because the majority of infidelity seems to see the cheating spouse coming back, or begging the betrayed for a 2nd chance, or people giving their marriages a chance.
I have no one and this is so so so difficult to deal with.
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
First off, know that you did nothing wrong. None of this is your fault. Your husband is choosing to have an affair, to be with this other person, etc. He is very wrong for doing this to you, and your kids. But he is a grown man and he is consciously choosing his behavior and making his choices.
Sometimes... when people get together very young such as you two did, one or both grow up and grow apart. Or wonder "what else is out there". That is not your fault. But could explain why he changed. He is not 16 anymore.
I know you are in shock, and that is understandable. But what you need to do is to get yourself together, for the sake of you and your kids, get yourself a good divorce attorney. You are entitled to half the house, assets, bank accounts, etc. You will need this money to live on, so don't sell yourself short. Plus, he will have to pay you child support. Don't let him off the hook for any of this.
Keep writing it out, start a journal to get your feelings out, maybe talk to a therapist if you feel you can't handle the feelings. But you will be okay! Not right this second, but you will be okay. You are a young woman, and you will have a full life ahead of you, and meet a guy who will be even better than this guy.
This is not your fault! Hugs and best wishes to you. Get that attorney!
I have no money, my parents are having to pay my solicitors fees.
Although we were first girlfriend/boyfriend we we'rent very young when we met; I was 21 and he was 24.
At 37 I dont feel young ha, the stress of the last year has taken its toll I think(!) plus an affair can obviously effect your self esteem and confidence. But I can say that this woman is no picture.
Just prior to him cheating, he was in tears declaring his undying love for me saying if he ever lost me (I nearly died at our babies birth) he'd be suicidal. So the fact he then used the "I love you but im not in love with you" never cut it for me. One minute we were snuggling on the sofa together then he had an affair.
He was turning 40 when this happenned and I feel like he had a mental breakdown, not bonding with the baby etc, I think he just escaped....which I 'can' understand, but I cant understand the choices to not try to save our marriage/family, nor the sudden unremourseful resentment he 'suddenly' this year seems to have for me?
Last year he was saying he didnt hate me, that this wasnt my fault...this year its all my fault?
Its a hard punch to take.
I never thought the person 'betrayed' would be the one begging for a second chance, it hurts all the more when it feels so unjust.
I think what hurts the most about the gaslighting is the fact people will be accepting of his lies and almost enabling them, the truth is being buried and Im at war with myself as to wanting to confront and venge the truth to people Vs just remaining peaceful and with my head held high.
I mean this woman has gotten away with murder and shes come out smelling of roses ha?
I honestly cannot believe how a mind can have the capacity to think about someone as much as I think about this man, it is literally every hour, no matter how busy I am, no matter how many distractions, he is in my mind, it is very much a grief and I feel almost haunted by sadness.
I feel im experiencing a trauma that just isnt going away easily.
Don't even think about that other woman. The statistics are when a person leaves a relationship for an affair partner, it has a 5% chance of working out. And of course he would cheat on her, too, so don't even focus on this other woman.
Please look into getting a divorce attorney. Find one that will take a percentage of the settlement as payment. You are going to need money to live on. And also money paid for your kids. Don't let your husband get away with this. It's hard of course, but you have to think about your financial future and for your kids, too.
You're going to be okay.
Thinking about him 24/7, wether im busy or not! Everytime I look at my children I see him, obviously, perhaps his memory will never leave me because I loved him so so much and love doesnt end as easily for me as it did for him!
My friends husband had a brief affair at around the same time as mine did, and they are attempting to save their marriage they are now back together, same goes for another two couples I can think of.
Then theres me. Dumped like trash, whilst my husband is still with his affair partner, divorcing me and without a backward glance...it makes me feel so unwanted and unworthy, how can it not.