Yup, I know what you mean. I don't often use the word hate, but I also hate the holidays.

I plunge myself into art and music, try and find decent beaches with nobody on them, turn off the outside world, and gut my way through it. I realize with a family, that probably isn't a viable option.

Can you avoid the holiday? I used to hide in my room and sleep till the new year. Definitely not healthy but I was in fight or flight mode.
Do you do projects? Literally anything you can throw yourself into. I crochet and do jigsaw puzzles and I also like music. Do you have a therapist? You two could brainstorm ideas

I do have a therapist and I've warned her about this time of year for me. I've got work to focus on, but I'm off all week. Truthfully, I'd rather be there.

I'm starting to want to die, so it's just getting worse.

Are you on meds, and if so have you talked to your Pdoc about adjustments for the increased depression? Do you do any other type of Therapies to deal with the depression like DBT or Behavioral Therapies to manage the issues that cause the Depression? You say your "Bipolar is triggered from day to day and your job is negative and causes issues" have you considered looking into a different job, that works better for your situation?

Managing BiPolar Depression is not just treating symptoms when they pop up, it's working a treatment plan that integrates your life and your BiPolar life so that you can successfully navigate both...especially when you have kids depending on you. Talking to your Therapist about coping skills, behavioral therapies, things that will help you deal with the Depression and not sink into it, may help you. Learning your triggers, so that you can attack the Depression before it takes over, that kind of thing.

You have a whole week off, find things to do with your kids to keep you busy and your mind off being depressed.

Big hug for you jfulk…… If you are feeling suicidal I would call your pdoc…. If you need to go to emerg

Do you have a prn that you can take for tonight that may help you to rest?

Remember a feeling isn't a fact.... Because you're having suicidal thoughts you can tell yourself that this is simply a symptom of illness and you can see your doctor to get some help for this..... xo

I don't know what it is about this time of year but I find that the more I try to find a reason I am depressed the more confused and sad I get. I count the things I am grateful for instead...it doesn't take away my glum feelings but it sets my perspectives to something positive. It's so easy for you thoughts to shift to negative I find that taking the mindful initiative to think on the things we are grateful for does a lot for my comfort levels. As does baths, warm drinks..and some times just wrapping up in a warm blanket. I ran out of essential oils or else i would add some of that too. I've been depressed since the beginning of November but today I am having a moment of respite..hopefully it is clearing up altogether...but I just try to maximize my comfort and mental positivity

I happen to dislike winter.

I'm doing ok at the moment everyone. Thank you for the thoughts and suggestions. I'm going to get through it and take advantage of my therapist early next week. I'm taking my meds faithfully and am hopeful things won't get worse.