Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
so i havent slept properly in days. but i had a really bad drugs binge this weekend. my last drug related post got ridiculous responses. if you don't want to read this can you just not. and refrain from commenting ridiculous childish things please it doesnt help anyone ? thanks.
anyway. where was i.
indeed i haven't slept for days. i am not manic because i am completely stable. this is the MOST stable i have been in years and i am not on any medication. i am just at a point where i am neither depressed or manic i am just very happy. i am loving life, taking chances, make friends, going out, exploring, planning my life, thinking of all the things i'd love to do.
i feel sort of indestructible at the moment and i nothing is bringing me down other than my weight but that's a separate issue.
but this not being able to sleep thing is really bugging me big style. i will lie here for hours and hours and hours and never ever feel the need to close an eye. and when i do close them they automatically spring open. i am restless and moving about and hot and pissy and i just want to fucking sleep but my body and mind just wont let me. its physically and mentally exhausting trying to stay awake when i am so tried. insomnia is a true bitch.
but anyway i had a great weekend ! went out obviously with my friends.
did Ectacy, coke and mephedrone. was one of the best nights in a long time everyone was happy and buzzing and friendly and we laughed for hours we made art and we danced like wild hippies and made love and smoked and talked about relentless silly ideas that kept us laughing . it was a great experience, i feel like socially i am very able and very adaptable. i get along with almost anyone and more or less anyone gets on with me. i like that about me.
anyway just an update for anyone who gives a shit. :) x
anyway. where was i.
indeed i haven't slept for days. i am not manic because i am completely stable. this is the MOST stable i have been in years and i am not on any medication. i am just at a point where i am neither depressed or manic i am just very happy. i am loving life, taking chances, make friends, going out, exploring, planning my life, thinking of all the things i'd love to do.
i feel sort of indestructible at the moment and i nothing is bringing me down other than my weight but that's a separate issue.
but this not being able to sleep thing is really bugging me big style. i will lie here for hours and hours and hours and never ever feel the need to close an eye. and when i do close them they automatically spring open. i am restless and moving about and hot and pissy and i just want to fucking sleep but my body and mind just wont let me. its physically and mentally exhausting trying to stay awake when i am so tried. insomnia is a true bitch.
but anyway i had a great weekend ! went out obviously with my friends.
did Ectacy, coke and mephedrone. was one of the best nights in a long time everyone was happy and buzzing and friendly and we laughed for hours we made art and we danced like wild hippies and made love and smoked and talked about relentless silly ideas that kept us laughing . it was a great experience, i feel like socially i am very able and very adaptable. i get along with almost anyone and more or less anyone gets on with me. i like that about me.
anyway just an update for anyone who gives a shit. :) x
For instance, today I rode my bike in a gale. I had to tack to get home. I am exhausted, but feel like my body is strong.
Onto playing flute, and then studying for a final.
Life has so much variety and hope, just don't get stuck in the trap of thinking drugs are the answer. Because they aren't.
was wild. music festivals, parties. exhibitionism.
felt and thought some similar things you are expressing,
and experienced burn out.
today i had 100% in my psychology exam which was the highest in my COUNTY
today i smoked a spliff and it was delicious.
today i hugged my cats and i love them lots
today i ate a load of indian cuisine and threw it up.
today i played osolomio on the violin.
today i got on 6 buses to college
today i worked out its 30 days until i go travelling
today i laughed a lot.
you just think that i don't.
i explained before. drugs are not my life i do not do them every single day. i do not rely on them for fun. i do them to enhance my experiences of life because who can be wise, when you've never done anything risky ?
Take care and thanks for checking in
And to those that are doing the Oh My God - think about this how many of you back in your druggy days had ds been here would have made the same exact post. Pot meet kettle
i also never did anything involving a needle, and i think that i only did coke about 8 times.
the only ones i used in excess were the alcohol and pot.
the others i tried to be very careful in managing.
didn't do that much x, only several times.
barely touched sedatives/benzos like valium. (but i LOVE them, so that is the reason.)
i almost overdosed for real, on mushrooms.
i know they can make you feel like you're dying even when you aren't even closed to o.d., but i think i was close.
i didn't do them more than ten times, for sure.
the more extreme drugs like needles please, never do.
just don't.
powders, i also do not like at all, and advise extreme caution or to stay away from entirely. (again, repeating what you already know and hear.)
the ones like herb and drink, can be the most dangerous in some ways because they are the 'safest,' so to speak. really easy to throw years away on those and wake up with enlarged pores, some grey hairs, bags under the eyes and wondering wtf happened the last 10 yrs. only to find you have the same emotional maturity as when you started. i know this is all obvious and been told.
i'm sure you know the risks, but there's no taking back once you've done something, and it's way too easy to give your power away, when at the time you think that is what you are taking, your power.
being raped or ending up in a car accident are real possibilities, that happen more often then they ever should.
Also, you sound classically manic and very flippant. Why post if you don't give a damn what people think?
That's what it looks like on my screen. I'm worried about you!
BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I forgot about you doing stuff like this, Mush!!!! Hahahahahaha!!!!!
Oh, that was great, LOL!!!!
You did not offend me in the least. However, your post does concern me. Reason being I remember my forays into illicit drug use and sexual promiscuity . I don't say this to judge you by any means for as Pickle said pot meet kettle. Just saying in hindsight I was very hypomanic at the time.
I didn't get diagnosed until years and years later though.
I believe that if one does not raise a bit of hell and sew their wild oats so to speak early in life then they will do it later in life perhaps after marriage and kids and that is definitely not the time to be raising hell.
I must say I am concerned for you though.
To those people who talk about binging and food and say Food and drugs let me say food can be a drug and can also be someone's "God" so to speak.
I know I use food in this manner and am a food addict.
Point being one can be addicted to anything it does not have to be an illegal substance or something considered by society to be a "drug" per se.
Yes, I am concerned for you, yes I feel you sound a bit manic, I question the use of drugs not prescribed because it seems a bit like trying to self medicate to me and believe me I've done my fair share of that and it did not have a good outcome.
I am not trying to judge you just share with you what happened to me. The consequences I had were not pretty.
Take care.