Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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xBlissx
xBlissx
I've been crying most of the morning...

Last night my eating problem came to a head when I'd made my mind up to try and eat more. I said to myself "I'm going to allow myself to eat normally"...it didn't last. By saying that to myself I felt a complete failure, weak and stupid.
Last night after eating a bit of veg I had severe suical thoughts and self-harmed. I was hyserical and it scared me.

I talked to my Mum last night and told her everything about my thoughts about eating. I finally plucked up the courage to admit I have a serious problem and yet at 6 stone 4 lbs (88 lbs) and with a BMI of 16.6 I still want to lose weight. We've found out that there is a specialized eating disorder hospital (cygnet hospital) which accepts NHS patients and I made the decision to let my Mum phone my pdoc and we would go and see him and ask for a referral. He has told us he would fit us in any time in an emergancy.

I woke up this morning and my Mum phoned my pdoc...now bare in mind I have done EVERYTHING he's always asked. The only this I have refused to do which was last week, was double the Mirtazapine (for obvious reasons).
My Mum explained that we needed to see him as an emergancy, I'm getting suicidal thoughts and last night self-harmed. My Mum said, she now has a serious problem with eating.
His exact word were..."I know that, but she has a problem with her attitude" he then followed it with "I can see you on Monday or I'll see you and have a frank discussion with her today and you can pick up the pieces over the weekend, because I don't think I can carry on being her doctor for much longer".

Needless to say I'm now just as upset as I was last night. I have no idea what to do next and my appointment isn't until 5 o'clock so I have to wait all day to be told this face to face. I just want to give up on everything right now. I'm going to be at one of my lowest points and with no therapist.

x-Bliss-x
tommymott
tommymott
What a rough time. I sure hope you can be accepted at the eating disorder hospital. My thought about doctors is that they respond to their patients successes and failures. Don't ever think that they don't. And I'm sure that your doctor is overwhelmed with trying to care for you and not knowing what to do.
He feels like a failure and masks it with some hard words and attitude of his own. So we're all in this together, and I wish you well!
deleted_user
deleted_user
You are in a tough spot but try to stay strong. Talk to your mom she seems like a good person. Come on here and post. Get your feelings out. It must be hard to know that your therapist is considering leaving you. What is mirtazapine by the way?
xBlissx
xBlissx
Yes Mum is great, I really don't know where I'd be without her, she's my lifeline.

Mirtazapine (Remeron) is an antidepressant but it makes you gain a lot of weight and carry extra water with oedema so you look bloated. That's what I get anyway and that isn't the eating disorder talking because my Mum was honest and said that yes it did bloat me. Which obviously made my body image even worse.

x-Bliss-x
deleted_user
deleted_user
a lot of doctors won't treat uncooperative, non-compliant patients..it's quite common here..they even put such patients on contracts & i fuck-up and they are dropped. Sounds like you better take that med & stop fucking around or deal with the consequences.
deleted_user
deleted_user
it must be terribly hare with your eating disorder to take that drug. I can sympathize. I use to have a beautiful figure. I was 5'7 and weighed 125lbs. I was into areobics and weight lifting and in really good physical shape. The doctors put me on lithium and I gained so much weight quickly that I got stretch marks. I totally lost interest in exercising.

I am now 200 lbs because of the meds I am on but take pride in my body and I still get out to exercise - mostly walking. A new therapy program I am going to start will pay for a gym membership so I am really looking forward to that.
deleted_user
deleted_user
This all seems very bad right now but try to make til your appt and be hinest with him and ask if there is another drug you can take that does not cause weight gain.If not and you want to stay on with him I would do what he says and see if things do not get better.It's ok though.He hasn't dropped you yet.Imagine though how frustrating it is for him to try to make you better and to feel like you are throwing that back in his face by not complying with his requests.If you really feel like you should not take the med and he persists then maybe look for another Dr.
deleted_user
deleted_user
if you are underweight, though...the med will help you get back to normal..as distasteful as that may be to you.
xBlissx
xBlissx
I really don't need replies like that...I've just said that all a long up till now HE'S the one who has said I'm doing everything can.

x-Bliss-x
xBlissx
xBlissx
^^^
That was to lou2's post

x-Bliss-x
deleted_user
deleted_user
Just ignore lou2 he obviously doesn't understand eating disorders and is taking a hard line appoach. If things get too rough for you you can always message me I'll be on all morning
xBlissx
xBlissx
thank you artemis

x-Bliss-x
deleted_user
deleted_user
Your doctor does sound frustrated, not knowing what to do with you exactly. That is very unprofessional of him. But, it sounds like you are willing to get help and go to a hospital. So, my thoughts are, no matter what he says, stick it out with him through this visit and stress that you feel you need to go to that eating disorder hospital. Make that your number one prority, regardless of what he has to say. After the hospital you can get a new doc.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sorry, but it sounds like he's quitting you, you are not quitting him. He has reached his educated limit and doesn't know what to do. I'm at the same place with my BP doc who I've been seeing for over 8 yrs. I'm ready for a new one.
deleted_user
deleted_user
The stress doesn't make your eating disorder any better I know. So why don't you take it easy today and on the weekend as best you can. Do something that you enjoy if you can. Go outside and visit your Mom. Maybe you could make cookies together. There's nothing you can do about it until Monday anyways
deleted_user
deleted_user
artemis, Lou2 is a she, who also wrestles with eating enough...a tough approach helps me, I do happen to have a valid view on this, thanks x
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