Have you let your pdoc know? Maybe a trip to the ER or call a crisis hotline....I am sorry you are in so much pain. Hugs.

having a totally shitty disease does not make you a bad person.
can you get to an ER, or somewhere else that's safe?

Let me start by saying if you are feeling unsafe, please call a crisis line or go to your nearest ER. Please, stay safe. If not, please call a therapist or your pdoc.

Just remember: You are not a bad person. You are not worthless. This is the illness talking.

i cant go to the ER cuz then theyll keep me and i really need to graduate. if i tell my therapist or psychiatrist theyll send me to the hospital. ill let my dad know that im having thoughts about killing myself...my mom knows and she was like "if u go to the hospital again and dont graduate i will take my son and well just move on"

Dangit, sounds like that's a big part of your problem, right there.......your graduation is NOT more important than YOU are. If your mom is thinking that way, it is a serious mis-perception (and probably denial) on her part. If you're feeling this way, and you think you need help, (and it sounds like you do)....it's better to get help sooner than later. Later might be too late.

Also, even if you wait longer to see what happens, you might end up getting hospitalized anyway, for an even longer time than you would if you went in now. (presuming you're not in as bad a shape now as you might be later)

Your first priority is YOU. I think your mom means well (of course she does)...but the pain of recognizing the true state of your condition may be overwhelming to her, and too much to address directly. She's probably thinking, you just need to get over that graduation "hump" and you'll be alright....but it doesn't work that way with us.

Do you have a therapist, dr. etc. you could consult? The school may be able to work with you on the finals, graduation, etc. (although you'd be missing the ceremony, you don't always have to actually attend in order to get your degree, unless it's a firm policy of that particular school.)....you should have a counseling center at your school....if you don't already have other resources, that might be a good place to start.

(((( hugs ))))

thank you for commenting star....i already went to the hospital once this school year in september and they kept me for 2 weeks cuz of how unstable i was...now that im 18 im also scared of having to be in the adult psych part...i talked to my principal i think ;last week and he said i cant miss anymore days or ill lose credit..i really cant afford that i neeed to get out of this house very soon

please reach out for the help you need.. be honest with your doctor and address your fears...nothing is more important then your wellbeing...huge hug of support and a blessing for you..x

sorry you are in a bind about getting help, and that you feel so horridly depressed.

caught between offing myself and not graduating,,,,,I would have and did picked not graduating then over death. graduation can wait. you have a valid excuse.

Please let us know how you are doing. Please call a crisis line and your pdoc. I am sorry your mom said that to you. We care here. xxxxxx

Meds? Meds. Meds!

graduation is my life...if u know me then u know that i desperately need to get out of this house....after i graduate i think ill be happy.

i am on wellbutrin..i was on risperdal too but i stopped taking it cuz i didnt like the side effects and so i get manic and suicidal depressed again. but i havent felt this down since september and ive been up alot...i feel a little better this morning

thank you guys

I think you need something to take the place of the Risperdal, like Abilify or something. You should contact you pdoc about it. Should be able to get a script called in for something. Stopping your meds without talking to your pdoc about it is not a good idea. I hope your graduation goes well and you get on with your life after that milestone. Good luck.

Hi. I am new to this group and sure hope you are doing better this morning. I am BP and also have a daughter that struggles with it. I hope that graduation really helps you be happier and that getting out of your house will make you much better too. My daughter desperately wants to be out of our house as well and I totally support her desire. She is 23. But I tell her that no matter where she goes, she will still be taking "her" with her. So keep on seeing your doc and make sure you follow his counsel.

I hear you and totally understand you. Hang in there this too shall pass.

i was on abilify but it made me feel sick thats why my pdoc put me on risperdal..but then the side effects scared the hell outa me.

thank you...i hope after i graduate i can be a happier person. maybe wen i go to college ill be better.

ill see my psych in may 27...i usually listen to her except for the whole mood stabilization...cuz im so scared of meds

i understand the must graduate at all costs way of thinking and so understand the reasoning behind no visit to the ER. So if that is taken off the table you must have in place other safe guards to make sure graduation does happen.

How long do you have left? Would it be possible for you to stay with a friend who's parents your mother trusts? If yes that might help your state of mind a bit. If not then you really do need to try & follow what the doctor has prescribed. I get that you may yoo may have some hesitation or perhaps even fear of the meds but you don't get to have it both ways. Right now your goal is to graduate so you can move out right? So much so that hospitalization can't happen? Welll then it is up to you to help your pdoc see that that doesn't happen. Talk to him/her, voice your concerns and hopefully they can help you thru them or perhaps tweak them some but not saying anything and knowing the only other option is hospitalization is just setting yourself up for failure IMO