Can you say, "Go Jump?" because that is exactly what I would tell him.

Princess, I dont know your husband, only what you tell us, I dont even really know you, only what you tell us. That said, it seems that your relationship with your husband is more like a parent-child relationship. Even if it is true that you are stuck at the age of your abuse, there are ways through councelling that you can learn to grow and react like an addult. Only YOU can take that action.

Not feeling well and not wanting to cook/clean is natural in itself but your behavior and reaction isnt. You are reacting to your husband like a child and he is abusing you like an abusive parent. I dont say this based on just this thread but on the many threads you have posted over the years.

Sweetie, I know it is difficult for YOU to see this and that is why therapy is so important to help you gain some perspective on yourself and your reactions to people. How do you not see your refusals and temper tantrums as childlike? How do you not see that you provoke him with your words? I am not saying you "deserve" to be treated the way he is treating you, but that your response to him just fuels his ability to get away with it.

You need to take a stand and start acting like an addult and stop allowing him to treat you like a child. Only you can do that.

It is no different than when we tried to tell you the other day you were acting like a child over the "miley cyrus" music and you went running to the abuse board and told them we were abusing you and calling you a 10 year old. Sweetie, the way you went about that and the words you used were very child like not to mention the fact that you made it sound like we were attacking you brutally. That only makes me wonder if half the stuff you tell us about your husband is exagerated and fictional just the way a child would see it.

I am telling you this not to hurt you but to encourage you to see your therapist and get the councelling that you need to become an adult. You do not have to behave this way just because you were abused as a child. Honestly, I know alot of people who have been abused brutally and do not act like this. You are your own person but I think going off your meds the way you did and for the reasons you did was very child-like and needs to be reconsidered before you get too far.

Please take care of you and your issues for your own good and your daughters. I would not even say these things if I had not known you as long as I have and I feel you need to hear them from someone who cares about you and what is going on in your life. It cant always be about "poor Princess", it sometimes has to be about caring enough to be honest and tell you what I really see...............xo

Here is a trick with Ramen - take the block of it - break it up.. put it in a bowl - like a larger *glass* cereal bowl should work (it should fit once you break it - breaking it does not make it any less ) add water almost near the top... then put it in the microwave for say 2 minutes and 40 seconds - should do the trick... take it out (use pot holders) add that spice packet, stir... wait about 5 min & viola - done ramen... (you can add ice cubes if you want it done even faster)

when did you allow and need him to dictate everything little thing includeing but not limited to what and when and how to cook.
Granted I call in food orders and place for orders at resturants. I dont have drive thur window in my kitchen.

He wants you to do as his mother did and taugh him how to view woman as servants to males.

will Sweet Pea, Ill help you clean house and stock your regf w percooked food.

Lets start w the kitchen.
cook up lrg pot of spag - place in container w lid, cook up sloopy joes and do the same, cook up lrg container of mac & chees and place it in a container w lid.
make up hamburger pattys to last 4 days for whole family and buy hot dogs & hot dog & hamburger buns and hotdog sause and bag of onions. dont forget milk, bagos, english muffins w cream chess spread.
the abouve is to cover 4 day for whole family
if you opt fix lrg cooker of chili and bake a meat loaf for the bully.

Now like every woman I know and have known have thier kitchen in order and everything they need or may need. we're going to get your kitchen in order.
Buy preety contact paper for kitchen shelves.
Bag and dump all cook wear that you have at local dunp site.
Lets go shopping w at least $300.00
buy set of cook wear and blender and lrg cook pot and tools such as egg tuner and wisk lrg spoon & strainer spoon etc...
Do not keep even 1 pc of old cook wear.

lets go wal mart for new for flat griddle, toaster and coffe pot and insurlated lunch bag w water coolor.
Don't for get at least 2 new kitchen rugs ( you half to look at floor so why not make it nice )
Do not keep ole kitchen rugs unless you wish to place them outside your bk door.
now get a flaower jar and start skiming from grocery money to save up for dish washier.
Buy dish washer right befor thanksgiven or for christmas.
Lowes have good prices on dishwashers. let the nut obtain Lowes credit card and buy a dishwasher,ASAP.
Now while hes at work begin interview people to assist you w cleaning your home at least once a wk.
Thur In home care I have cleaning lady who tidys up my kitchen and cleans bth rms and changes the bed covers and cleans the rugs and floors and does the laundry.
I assume normal rate starts at 65$ per day for 4 hrs. Its worth it.
Its marital debt so whats he going to do refuse to pay his bills,lol.
I use to have nannie for my 2 son's but I recommend that every Mother have someone to assist at least twice a wk in the evenings w children meals, bths and getting them to bed & to sleep. Teens still baby sit.

Now lets de clutter your house and this includes getting rid of some of furniture - keep only bare neccessitys. you'll thank me later.
Hey have yard sale to raise extry funds to go toward dishwasher.

Turn your bd rm into love din. get leapor bed spread w black sheets and lots of pillows and dont for get the sun catchers for window :)
get bins for closet to toss his clean socks in 1 bin and undies in another bin and tees in another bin. turn bin on thier sides and stack his jeans in a bin and dress pants in another, after all we woman need all draw space.

Will GF thats a start, get busy and show your knuckle draging male that even his mother had everything she wanted and needed in the kitchen & bd rm.

yes get the blender for smoothys for yourself and ice cones for children.

ahh that old chestnut...lazy bitch.....
ive been called that a few times too.
i wish he could get in my head space sometime and see just how exhausting being me really is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i doubt he would ever say it again.
does your husband have an understanding of bp???? has he researched it at all???? im guessing no.....sounds like my fiance..
'he says it is too much to take in '...when i start to talk about things..
i think he is just genuinly selfish.
big hugs
give the kids a pizza and tell him to piss off or make the noodles himself.

Living in a household with a neat-freak husband who expects everything done (I am home with 3 kids, including a 7 week old) and tidy when he gets home, and then says "I work" when I complain he's too demanding, I'd say threatening to skip a doc appointment etc is not the way to get your point across. To get your point across, stop making his dinner, doing his laundry etc for a few days and when he complains, well, oh well....

you need to get help with this or at least get in a codependency group and learn about boundaries. There are some good books on the subject and one is Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It can help as well as therapy and medication.

you need to learn to stand up for yourself in a good way without yelling or whatever it is you do that's not working, and as Shelly put it reacting out of your abuse and like a child. I don't think you are doing this on purpose but could just be triggering that child of your past and you are reacting in a bad way that just allows him to treat you poorly once again. It doesn't help having BP but it's also not an excuse. When you start getting better with this you will start feeling more like an adult inside and he will hopefully start changing too. It might get worse at first and that is expected but with setting proper boundaries your self esteem can improve. you can try it on your own but it usually takes help from a therapist. you have to take the first step here because no one can do it for you and you need to realize it's not all him. That's hard to admit but it's true.

If you don't take a step to help yourself no one is going to take you seriously anymore and will get tired of listening to you complain about it as you can already see that happening.

you also might need to learn to be more self sufficient. I know it's hard when you don't feel good but I usually had to take care of myself when I was sick because my husband was gone a lot and I had 3 children to take care of and no one was home to make me chicken soup. However, when he was home, and if I was sick, he would do things for me but I had a hard time letting him and that's probably why he kept trying LOL. He could get nasty as well and act like a child about many things (it runs in his family so I know it's not just me) but setting boundaries and sticking to them at first was hard and he didn't like it but he is now responding more positively and so am I.

your husband needs to learn to set boundaries with you also without being nasty about it. I think taking some kind of classes together or therapy where this is the focus might help you both, but it can also be done with just one person changing. Medication has also helped me be more calm in my reactions so I suggest you stay on them or find something else that will work. Lamictal has helped me a lot. Please consider all these things and what everyone is trying to tell you because you are worth it. Hugs

kbdid, I had to laugh about your advice because that's exactly what I did. I had 3 children and worked part time, while also having my own small business, and my home I always kept very clean and tidy and did everything including fixing plumbing, painting the house inside and out, running the kids around, volunteer work, the list goes on. I use to iron all his shirts until one day he started yelling at me to iron one of his shirts and told me that as his wife it was my job. Guess what, that was the last day I ironed any of his shirts and that was over 15 years ago. I told him to take them to the cleaners that it was cheaper than a six pack. My daughter still laughs about it remembering her dad sitting in the living room watching TV and ironing his shirts. Now, I will occasionally iron one for him out of the goodness of my heart when he asks nicely. I'm not saying you should go without fixing his dinner for the next 15 years LOL but you get the point.

LOL @ Tree.

I can't believe this all started over Ramen noodles.

My formor husband when we 1st got married complained how much soap powers to put in a load of laundry. mind you I was almost 28 when we married so Iv done afew loads of laundry befor I attempted to do ours together.
aprox a mo later while I was cooking dinner inbetween jobs he came in kitchen and started complaining about what he wanted for dinner was not what I was cooking then he returned to tell me how to cook.
will within same wk he had complained about dinner. he put in his order for dinner ( a whole chicken to be baked). hey whats a girl to do but turn on over and sling a frozen hen thats still in the plastic bag that they come in into the over and tell him to do his own dam laundry being that I dont wear his cloths. From that day forward and for 19 yrs I never cooked nor did his laundry nor cleaned his bth rm ( we had seprate bth rms)yep he even used the vaccume when needed.
Rom noodles taste the same from microwave as it does off the stove top.
Sweet Pea because I have BP & phobia of public places I have in home care service that also offers cleaning service that I also use.
Mainly on Sat's I use a whole loaf of bread and pre make sandw for the following wk and I place the sandw bk into bag that bread came in.
From deli I get mac & potatoe salad for the following wk.
and occassionally I enjoy scrable eggs w toast for dinner. I also like peanut butter on toast. oh ya another thing I do is boil up some potatoes where thier just about done then I bake them and place them in refg for the floowing wk.. thier easily micowaved. I use cheese and vegs as topping or chili w melted chesse.
Darn I made myself hungery. off to kitchen I go.
Make life easy for and on yourself.

I hate to sound stupid, but what are ramen noodles?
When I cook noodles I break them up in the pan, it makes them easier to cook and easier to eat. Why are ramen noodles special?

Because they cost 19 cents for 12 packs. lol They are delicious though.

They come some what encased in the package, so a little hard to break up. I lived on them when I was single.

They do come in a cup form....Hey, buy those!!!!

Ramen noodles come in little packs. You can put the noodles in a bowl covering them with water and place in the microwave. You bring the water to boil in the microwave it takes a couple of minutes then you take the bowl out of the microwave and add seasonings and let it sit for a couple of minutes. Takes about 5 minutes tops to make.

We have pot noodles, personally I hate them but my son adores them, you just pour the water in the tub and hey presto 3 mins later they're cooked, are they the same thing?

Are they like those really compressed ones that come with a sachet of sauce ?
Just enough packaging for a small rectangular ' tile' or ' brick' of noodles?