Celexa was great for me - so don't compare med stories, they work different on everyone....

I have weeks of I don't remember the stories being told me sucked! I've had a break - long time to find good cock-tail.

I am finally on a great combo and doing great! Keep trying...

Welcome aboard - great group of people here!

I agree with Gina, what can be a wonder drug for some people can be awful for someone else and vice versa.

I don't remember my psychosis. I have sketchy memories and friends and family fill me in on the necessary. I also tend to write some strange poetry when psychotic and this gives me insight too.

It can take a long time to find the right med cocktail and get your life back on track. It took me around 6 years to even admit to myself I had bipolar x

Thanks for your replies. Yeah right now I am on remeron and Abilify and neither one is working. My doctor tried cymbalta and that also did not work so he now switched me to remeron. Well apparently he says the abilify is what brought me back to reality. I honestly hate taking medications and was never on any until November but I guess now I am stuck. I remember most of my psychosis. I was dreaming while I was awake. Some of it I don't recall, but I remember the "voice of God" The most. My religious aunt seems to think I really spoke to God but my faith has been shattered. I almost wish I didn't remember any of it so that I couldn't remember the awesome highs I felt during it.

It's almost like being a drug addict for me. I'd give anything to feel those "Massive highs" again and I don't really care if I go crazy anymore, that's what's sad. I'd rather be in my own world in a mental hospital, stroking a stuffed rabbit if I were actually happy in my own head, other than having to face this bleak reality. I know this is not healthy and I am trying to change it. It's just really hard right now. All I can think of is wishing I were dead. NOTHING brings me pleasure and I was wondering of anyone else went through that period. And I mean NOTHING. I just want my pleasure senses to work again.

Meds can drive us into psychosis and meds can bring us back. It doesn't really matter what our diagnosis is.
Glad you're coming out of it, it's no fun and can be hazardous.

hi there, and welcome.

when you say you were a schizo, do you mean you were previously diagnosed as schizophrenic? schizoaffective?? have you had a proper evaluation from a psychiatrist??? (that would be step 1)

i have heard a lot of folks here say that it was an antidepressant that sent them into mania/psychosis, and that's how they initaly got the BP 1 diagnosis.

as for rather being crazy and happy, when i was in psychosis i was anything but happy. it was the most horrible 18 months of my life, just raving and in total denial. i am much happier now, being stable and doing the things one needs to do to maintain stability.

I'm so sorry your hurting. A lot of us love being manic but it really can be so dangerous. Please keep working with your doctors on trying to find medicines that will work for you. As far as voices, I started hearing them at age 8 so it's been a long journey for me. Please know it does get better but it takes time. Hold on to anything that you remember fondly and hold that in. Take peace in it. It may be a memory of a person or a beautiful sunset..,anything that can bring a smile. We are here for you. Welcome and hugs.

I had never had a proper diagnoses until I went into psychosis. Back in November I went to the doctor for my depression. A physician's assistant was posing as a doctor and she gave me celexa. She ended up being fired later, for what we don't know but it was during my psychosis that I was diagnosed as Bipolar. My dad is angry at her for prescribing me celexa in the first place. I do understand celexa has worked for some people.

Mojopaw I'm sorry your psychosis was horrible. Mine had an amazing feeling to it but I was insane and could not function in society. Most of the voices I heard were positive, with a few jerk voices here and there. I felt I had good and evil spirits battling over my soul but I knew the good would always win. I felt like I was battling the evil of the world. I felt like a super hero. I really wish I DID NOT enjoy my psychosis, then maybe I'd be relieved to come back. But I'm not relieved. I am bored to death with life. Everything is so dull to me.

I am trying to hold onto the good memories, but my psychosis messed with my head so much that I feel spiritually raped. I really wish I could enjoy the daily activities that most people do. I wish I could enjoy just going out and having a glass of wine again! I just feel so disenchanted with life right now. Thank you all for you replies though. I am trying to hang in there. I unfortunately don't have the guts to commit suicide :(.

Yep, I do all that during a psychotic episode, but its usually about the FBI putting a chip in my brain and people are out to get me. It gets scary.

Rachy I had that idea at one point as well. I thought the FBI was after me. I also thought I had Alien DNA at one point and that if I came to harm, they were going to flood the ocean. I thought the aliens evolved from the ocean and that the government was secretly at war with them. I was in my own sci fi movie. I thought I was famous and on a reality show for a while. I thought the TV was talking to me, and every song, movie etc was about me and my family. I thought it all came down to some false prophecy of me being the "chosen" one by God. I thought I was the human incarnate of mother earth at one point and that my moods were affecting the weather. I believed so much.

But I was also massively high. My head was in the clouds and I felt the presence of "God" all around me. Here is where I am having a spiritual crises. During my episode, I seriously believed I was communicating with God and the dead.

I still want to believe that something tapped into my brain and enabled me to speak to the other side, but it was probably not real. I am heart broken since I used to be so spiritual and believed in afterlife communication. I still do believe in the afterlife, but this has tested my faith.
I feel abandoned by "God" right now or whatever it was that spoke to me. I just want a "High" feeling back without being psychotic. Just being alive right now is painful :(. I feel lazy and sad all the time. I feel like I can barely move. It's like what is the point of doing anything at all? Sorry to be such a downer you guys lol.

hi, you're not alone Krystal..that's what happens when brain misfires.

Someone made me feel better about having my brain trick me badly like that by telling me they'd experienced similar thing when very, very sick with a fever- don't know but somehow that helped me get some perspective?

Hope you have a psychiatrist that you like and trust now x

You will get through this. You must still be in shock too. Am thinking of you.

have you thought of a real life support group? Or is that a bit too daunting?

There's a book An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamieson that is worth checking out too x

I have actually tried a real life support group, but it felt a little awkward. It was sort of like the blind leading the blind. Honestly I am a bit anti social these days and like to avoid people. Again, I know this is not healthy. I am living in my own little personal prison right now and it has been this way for months now.

I do plan to read "An Unquiet Mind." I just don't know how to bus out of this mental prison :(

Bust out* darn typos.

well, it's understandable..baby steps?& Don't be too hard on yourself.

Do you think you are depressed btw?