Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
It feels like everything is falling apart. Ever since I started on medication about 4-5 months ago, I've been dealing with an entirely different set of issues. Bipolar disorder came as a surprise diagnosis about three months ago. I've been in therapy 2 1/2 years so it was surprising, to say the least. It took me a while to accept it and for the medication to get adjusted. For a few weeks, it was going well. I felt stable and maybe even happy. But things fell apart when the dosage stopped working. I was either angry or totally mentally shut down. A few days ago the dose got increased. But everything is falling apart now. I haven't felt like myself since the medication started and I don't even remember what "myself" is. That's a pretty crushing realization to me, to not even remember who you are. I miss so much about that old me. The worst part is, I have such a bad memory that I am starting to forget all of the things I miss. So now it's just this deep ache of not recognizing myself anymore. I thought I had a handle on things but then today my boyfriend tells me that if I was anyone else, he would've broken up with me today. I have serious attachment issues so when I invest myself in someone, I really get involved emotionally. A couple months back, my best friend stabbed me in the back and then "dumped" me. I took that really hard so to hear the possibility of losing another, even closer, person was intense. I'm just so scared because I put so much into people, I can hardly stand to loose them. I used to be a straight A student and now due to medication complications, BD, and a broken nose, I don't even know if I'll pass. I feel so out of control, everything is falling apart. I don't know how much longer I can do this.
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I don't really know how to label this but I having a rough week and I can't say it's one thing.... I have a lot on my plate which is nothing new and I try to cope in many positive ways and do but I still have my moments.My kids more so my daughters talk to me about everything which I know it's cause of comfort and we are close.... however I really struggle with the venting about their dad which...
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
Change is hard, Jen. If it was easy, everybody would do it. Big changes like what you are describing here need more than a few months to build connections to the rest of the system so they feel natural. Those parts of you which you feel like you have lost are still in there. Hopefully they will be freshly refurbished with clean, clear connections when you find them again.
Gentlest of support and validation while you find your way through, Jenny. For now, just breathe.
If you can it might be wise to take a medical leave from school for a semester?...Im sure your doctor would write a note
Try and be patient sweetie.... it can take some time and trials to find the right med(s) and you will but unfortunately sometimes we go through the trial and error stage finding both the right med(s) and the right dose
It's a time for patience, educating yourself and reaching out for support.... Things will get much easier though ... We do stabilize.... Big hug and a blessing....xo
Its not easy by a longshot, its exhausting, painful, scary as hell, filled with many changes....but once you get to the point where your life works, in spite of the BiPolar you realize that all of the hard work and suffering you've put into it has been worth it.
Journaling is a good thing for BiPolars, it allows you to go back and see how you were at your worst points, it allows you to see how much you've improved. A Journal also makes you be accountable to yourself if you commit to writing each day and documenting what things you did to manage your BiPolar; i.e. took your meds, went to therapy, tried a new therapy, etc. Holding yourself accountable, keeps you from giving up on yourself.
Take care,
Kat
Be patient with yourself and the medication if you broke your leg you wouldn't be looking at an instant cure. The same with learning the ins and outs of this illness. Learn all you can about BP and advocate for yourself at school. Let your teachers know about the difficulties you are facing and can a more realistic schedule of homework and projects be worked out for you?
Stay in therapy and read all you can about BP and work out a way to give yourself a break to heal and regain your stability....(((( hugs)))) none of this is easy!