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Daughter Doesn't Understand

BipolarPrincess
BipolarPrincess
The daughter and I had a really great time swimming last night.
I took her to spend quality time with just her and nobody else.
Well I set it up so that I can take her again and she wants to bring the step daughter along. I told her and the step daughter no. That I just want to spend the time with just her. But she doesn't understand. Apparantly she must not have had a nice time swimming with just me like I thought. Why does my daughter have to be so difficult. She said if I don't let the step daughter come with us then she's not going to want to go swimming next week. She just doesn't understand. I don't want to have to worry about making dinner for two kids. I just want to worry about one. I want more than anything just to spend some quality time with her and her only......WHY ME? Good Lord. Why can't she just understand? What should I do????
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't get it, really. Just take them both - you are both of their moms anyways - yea one is your step daughter, but so what. Being a stepdaughter I really hated my stepmom because of how she acted like we weren't really worthy since we weren't biologically hers. Don't make a big deal - if your daughter wants your stepdaughter to go, then let her. Why not? What is the big deal? Does it really hurt anyone?
deleted_user
deleted_user
As the mother of 1 and the stepmother of 2 it will do all involved a lot of good if you will throw the word step out the door. They know they aren't yours, but at christmas does the grandparents of your daughter call the daughter of him step grandaughter? I know my parents called themselves granny and pawpaw to all their "step" grandkids. When someone asked them how many grandchildren they had they said 9 but they never said 4 biologically and 5 step. You become 1 and you agreed to be the mother of your husbands daughter when you married him. Our children always called each other brother and sister from the time their father and I got together. It does hurt the child a lot when you don't want them around because YOU consider them step.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree take them both, but treat them equally. Because if you do not then neither of them will ever want to go with you again...

Don't treat the step daughter like a red-headed step daughter....

You will lose your daughter if you can not see past yourself selfishness here...
Shelly4
Shelly4
Very well put singingirl..............makes alot of sense.!!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I grew up in a blended family and I agree with Shelly and Singingirl, if you want your daughter to grow up well adjusted, make a unified family. When they grow up they can decide for themselves if they want to continue the relationship with their step siblings, but while she is young don't single her out for your own reasons because they might hate each other for it. My sister (step) was always jealous because our dad (my step) made it clear that we were both equal in the house. It was rough for a little while, but now I have a sister that I would have never had if my parents had not made it that way. If they are both wanting to spend time with you, count your blessings that they are getting along. You can do what Shelly recommended and do a day with each and then together. Your daughter will look up to you for it.
polarbare
polarbare
Princess... I agree with all the advice that you have received.. try not to feel rejected that your daughter or step daughter want time with each other rather than the one on one you suggested...it may not have occurred to you that your step daughter would not want the one on one because she might feel it would hurt her mom... be the glue that bonds these girls together... give your daughter and step daughter happy childhood memories of being with each other as sisters..and you... wouldn't it be nice to hear them tell stories for years of what you guys did that was fun? understand that they may become each others best friends and with this comes influence for good or bad.. if you have a decent relationship with both of them, they may hesitate to disappoint you...

I will add that I am confused at the difficulty in making dinner for two vs one? how about two hot dogs and a few french fries.. this is a meal that takes little effort..

Show both girls what an awesome mom you are that you love them both in your own way and their happiness is above your own.. ((hugs)) polar
deleted_user
deleted_user
Or spaghetti
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