Can I vent a moment of envy? I watchdog my problem envy pretty closely because. . . Well. . . That story is more long than interesting. The envy is over the fact that your social anxiety is new. My own social anxiety is a birthright. I have no experience of life without ^it^. Connecting with people AGAIN? At 62, I'm still working on the primary connection.

Venting over. Getting back on topic now. . .

Gentle acceptance of my social anxiety and positive affirmations are two therapy tools which have provided me with the most relief. "You DESERVE to be treated well" would qualify as a positive affirmation. A few of my personal faves are:

**You can do this.
**God don't make trash.
**You are loveable.

Getting through really difficult times? I still haven't found quick or easy fixes. I take the difficult phases in small, manageable steps.

Be gentle and patient with yourself and the process, SHL. It is allot to sort. Hope healing happens here.

I never had a very long relationship. However I can imagine making the break can be pretty painful. Like something that was a part of you, now its gone. Sorry. But then again, you did mention that he has never been supportive for you mentally. A therapist once said "you have to be alone, before you can be with someone". Dunno. Maybe having your own space, and building yourself up for a period would be good?

Another old phrase is "If you can't love yourself, you can't love another". I don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about. You did have a relationship. Many have never had one. It's better to have tried at something and failed then never tried at all.

I hope you feel better and more confident etc. Time will heal this, I am sure.

Arfie, I guess I should have said "a new layer" of social anxiety. I've always been an awkward weirdo, it's just a new dimension of it that has me on edge.

Thank you both for your thoughts. (((Hugs)))

I'm sorry you have been feeling so sad. It would be hard to rely on your emotions at the moment and that can make day to day living pretty stressful. If the budget can afford a massage then maybe think about one of those? tc

Hi Sensitive,

I hear you on wanting to make changes from a partner who can't be there for you. I left my marriage 20 years ago for the same reason. My ex just couldn't understand and he had a dreadful way of making everything about him....

I left him when I was 40 sure that I was doomed in the relationship department because I chose people who were like my mother in one way or another...therapy helped me to make progress in that arena. So did a support group and a 12 step program. Long story short I didn't expect to meet the love of my life at 45 but I did. We got married two years ago and so far we are very happy.

I learned to make friends I too have social anxiety I need to make more friends. Can you ever have enough? All I want to say is it's possible to leave a bad life and make it better...((((hugs))))) it's not an easy path but it's doable and kudos to you for having the courage to try!

Loneliness & isolation-we have all struggled with them at one time or another. Unfortunately, many people stay in unhealthy relationships just to simply avoid being alone. However, being single can bring a level of self-awareness that might not otherwise be possible. Having said that, many things are only overcome through community. Community (friends & family) consists of people who love you and support you no matter what. Community also consists of others who will tell you what you NEED to hear; not what you WANT to hear. For those of us with social anxiety, building community is not easy. But hear me-it is absolutely worth it! If you can take those first small, tentative steps toward vulnerability, you may be pleasantly surprised to find that you are in fact, not alone. Sure, there will be those who exploit and disappoint you. That is where discernment comes in. Trust your gut. Take the risk. It is well worth the effort. In the end, we are all in this together. We are not as different from each other as we would like to believe. Keep moving forward.

Read the original post again. You are going through the exact damn thing I am. I don't wish this on anyone else, and I find another that is. I'm trying therapy weekly and trying to force myself into public but some of me wants to be a hermit. I continue to feel hurt as a hermit just fine, but others hurting me when I go out makes me stay in even more. I'm going to the gym, for the first time ever, later or tomorrow and I'll see how I feel. I can listen to music and ignore other people, even to the point of taking my glasses off so I can't even see them. That's my minor but mostly only hope right now. I have to go out

Thank you everyone, sincerely.

Jellybean, I understand the importance of community and am working on ways to get there. My job keeps me busy right now so I'm challenged with work life balance but there might be ways to keep connecting with others via my work (in small ways....I'm trying to look at the positives.)

Also since this post, I had a falling out with a friend over misunderstandings really. Ugh.

Bothsides, best wishes to you as well as you sort through the difficult waters.

Keep your head up!

I feel for you, I really do. Isolation, and loneliness, heavens am I aware of them right now. I realise they have been constant companions, even whilst still around others. Idk if all of it is bcs no-one was ever there for my pain, so it's better to be alone than constantly rejected. But you know what? I think I am rejecting me. I am devaluing myself. I was raised with poor life skills. I think I am hanging on by a thread right now. What is helping a little, or was, is hope for change. It hurts when a marriage ends. For me, it broke me. It brought up all my loss from childhood. Although its crucifying me, I'm not running from it anymore. I wonder if isolation is hiding? That probably sounds silly bcs of course it is. But who am I really hiding from, mainly myself or others? I think the former.

Sorry to go on, but I think a large part has to do with self acceptance. When a relationship ends, its hard to feel good about ourselves. When we have been devalued by others, we devalue ourselves. I think its really important to reach out here. For companionship, and for advice. A while ago a friend did a 90 day affirmation post. And it really helped me. Learning to like and accept myself is a real challenge. I was never raised with any worth. Time to take stock of, and change that. It hurts, but it can get better. An hour at a time when needed. Like me, you are more than you feel right now. Again, I would pick a real affirmation, and keep telling yourself it. It may sound stupid, but it really worked for me.

I think you're a great person, a strong woman. I'm in such pain atm its hard to take my own advice. Maybe write down your positives? All you have survived. Then that may put the isolation into context. We do what we do to protect ourselves. When that becomes outdated though, that's when we have to strive for self compassion, then change. Life can get better, we can make those connections with others. But coming from a place of fear, well its a huge stumbling block. Little steps, hour by hour, day by day. Hopefully the world will become more expansive, as will our participation in it.

(((hugs))) xx

You DO deserve to be happy and find peace, friendship, and love. Please keep telling yourself that

Big hug for you SHL.....I have had a marriage break down more then once and it's really a struggle to move onto the next place in life.... I think in a way it's supposed to be to tell you the truth as it's not something we are to do lightly however I now have peace of mind and there is a lot to be said for that.... I believe you will to sweetie... It will just take a little time ... Baby steps are steps in the right direction and you will be in a good place again
I agree that you DO deserve to have a happy and healthy life with friendship and love... xo
Big hug for you to Rubes.....xo

Rubyblue, when I started with my new therapist as the divorce stuff began becoming reality, she prefaced that lots of other things will come up, like you mentioned. And argh was she right! I have plunged into vulnerable waters and it brings up pretty much everything from my past. It's been a year in weekly therapy sorting through much of this and sometimes it's much too heavy. But I am working through it. It sure does help to hear from all of you dear friends here to know none of us are alone....

I think the most difficult part for me now is what am I comfortable discussing or disclosing to new people I meet. It's like such s big existential question when I talk to new people everyday. You married? You have kids? I'm trying to come up with my sturdy one liners to deflect the real terrifying pain I'm going through. Very rough waters to navigate right now.

Thank you all again for your support, for your understanding and empathy and I wish you all peace as we sort through these difficulties.

I wonder if part of my isolation is based on the need to avoid being asked those questions. Cos I certainly don't have any answers.

Being so vulnerable, self care is really important now. I know that's an obvious, but actually doing it every day can be a struggle. We have to do it often enough for it to become second nature. But first, we need to understand that we are worthy of that care. That's just me, idk whether your self care is as you need it right now.

I keep talking about doing a life board. I think something like that can really help. As long as its realistic, I think it can be a powerful tool in our recovery. I think those of us with any mental health struggle need a defined life, as it's just honesty that we can't always do what other people do. I'm not saying we are totally limited, or that we can't achieve like others, I just think we need more of a self care package. To not sleep is not good for anyone, but for those of us with a mood disorder it can have more impact. Same with lack of a healthy diet, exercise, etc.

Putting yourself first, when others haven't, is a great gift you can give yourself. Your therapist was wise, and I'm glad she forewarned you. You can do this, you are strong. If that wasn't the case you'd be long gone. I see courage and real strength in you, grit and determination. And I really admire you for that.

I truly believe that, with hard work and perseverance, we can have a contented life. Its all based on what contentment means to us, and what will bring it.

Keep on keeping on. Do things that are going to raise your self esteem, highlight your value and inherent worth. You deserve the world. You deserve happiness in life. Maybe once you feel more positive about yourself, avenues will take you places you only dream of. Hope. I think hope is the key.

You don't have to tell anybody anything unless you want to.
If you feel like telling someone something, do.
I answer questions first with a disclaimer to strangers: "you asked, and I'm going to be honest. Feel free to stop me any time"

Glad to hear you have the opportunity to connect with others via your workplace. It can be daunting, but you will find you have more in common with others than you think. Sorry to hear about the falling out with your friend. Misunderstandings happen in the best of relationships. This does not automatically mean the end of the relationship. It may take some time, but if the relationship was healthy, it is absolutely worth it to work through the issues. Work/life balance is an ongoing challenge for us all. Keep moving forward. Baby steps absolutely count!