I'm glad I found this group. I'm hoping it helps. I can't find anything that can stop me from sobbing or even doing every day tasks. My beloved Charles, died a month ago. I just spent 3 weeks in the hospital for failure to thrive and a smashed face. I could't eat, sleep, or do pretty much anything after the whirlwind of the first week or so passed and I was home alone without him. As I have read in some posts, the quiet is unbearable. I hadn't eaten for over 10 days, I got up to go to the bathroom and I fell and smashed my face, destroyed my nose, it will have to be repaired at a future date, but as of now there's nothing they can do. But I got home a few days ago, I ate at the hospital, because I basically had to, I have my own medical conditions, with dairy, gluten and egg and major allergies, and I currently have mono, so I was able to not have to eat much, just soups and oatmeal and stuff. Anyway, my point is I did a 2 week stay of physical therapy and I was ok there, but now that I'm back home, I'm back to just not able to stop crying. I have to get things done, beause without my husband I will lose my house in about 3 months. So I don't have the leisure to just go at my own pace. Maybe that is what is making me worse. We built this house, and I don't want to leave it. We didn't get to pay off the mortgage bacause we helped put the kids through school. And no, they really aren't a big help. One lives 8 hours from us the other 2 are about 2 hours each away and naturally work, have their own homes and obligaions. They do try, but they can't (Or won't) get here as often as I think they should, or am I too needy? Either way, I don't even have a drivers license anymore, because when I passed out once before (part of my conditon) an overzealous ER doctor had my license pulled from me, so I'm pretty restricted. I live out in the country so no delivery, and believe it or not we don't even have Uber or Lyft. So, I spend my time again, since he left me, sobbing like a child, feeling guilt, could I have, should I have done more? There's more to the story but I don't want to bore you all more, I just need some help coping. I can't see the screen, my keyboard is wet, and I miss him even more. I can't stand the thought of never seeing him again. No more I love you. Feeling his hand on mine. The look in his eyes. The laughter. So many people say, "He's in a better place now." And I just want to scream, HOW DO YOU KNOW, have you been there? Why did you come back if it's so great?" or when you move, you won't be reminded of him everywhere in the house, and my thinkng is, no, I'll just be reminded I moved here because he isn't! That hurts more. I HAD to move, didn't want to. They make it seem like it's a new journey like going off to college. It's going to hell. I just want to be with him. If I knew I could find him. I would go. I'm so alone.