My husband's diagnosis for Asperger's was confirmed by a psychiatrist last week. I am not sure where this will lead us, but we plan on attending couples therapy with a therapist that is knowledgeable about Aspergers.
Sarah

There is a great newsgroup called the other half of Aspergers, lots of women write in and it is a good place for support, you will get alot of email though

Thanks Sue, I'll check it out.

My boyfriend has AS and Im trying to figure this out...

well my husband has AS and it's a constant uphill struggle with having to "tell" him when I am feeling something that he doesn't pick up on. When I do tell him , he is always supportive and tries to understand and help as much as possible, but it gets very frustrating at times when I wish he would just "know" when I need him. In the end though, I love him and cannot imagine being without him. I guess it's part of the good times and bad...

Sassybrown-- I've been reading about this from Aspies in other posts...and one of the biggest hurdles is the Aspies over-focus on the self. There some very helpful insight in My "Aspie" Mantra . Its a very long thread so here are the Cliff Notes:

"This is about the "Aut" in Autism. It's all about self. It's all about whether I "want" to or don't want to. If I don't WANT to do something, it's the same thing in my mind as CAN'T. I have to convince myself to want to do anything before I CAN do it. "

"I can tell you that trying to get two of my own sons to change their opinions about anything is a losing battle in the short term. Over time though, they do change some of them, and always, it seems based on their own long term experiences. Often those experiences reflect what we've tried to tell them, and they eventually realize it, and that can tend to slowly increase their level of trust in what we tell them, but it takes far longer with Aspies than the NT world tends to find "acceptable." This is usually seen as willful disregard."

"Absolutely. And this, I think, is where the key misunderstanding's NT's have of what Asperger's is all about come into play and cause difficulty. If you are hardwired to think in terms of "self" being what is truly most important, it is extremely difficult to grasp concepts as seemingly simple as "giving to others with no reward in mind for oneself," or "paying now for things you will receive later."

"The problem with this supposition is that it presupposes that the acts an Aspie performs to gain what he wants are calculated and entirely intentional, as if the acts are purposefully planned. This leads to frustration in the NT (and often the Aspie), who, when faced with what is perceived to be intentionally calculated acts, asks the Aspie in question why they did what they did, and receives the answer, "I don't know."

And so it seems to me that most times, an Aspie won't be aware of what you need or when you need it, if you leave them to their own observations and initiative.