I can add to this that my husband isn’t talking to me
today. He got up beforehand and then I got up and took dogs out. He just is silent. And I said oh I’m going to church and he went “oh” silently.
I assume my son had game last night and didn’t play well. You know he still blames me for his sports career. (He said it again the other day).
So I can’t take this I really can’t.

Please please what do i do. If I say why aren’t you talking it will cause a blowup which I’m not interested in.

I don’t want to live like this anymore.
I really need help. What do I do in the short term. Please today I really need support.
Another Sunday ruined and it’s just begun.

I’m finding myself really anxious when I go to bed for some reason the past couple of weeks, heart pounding, feeling a sense of dread. For me there are just times where anxiety seems to settle in out of nowhere, like an infection, and then eventually it lifts. I don’t know why but I suspect this current go around for me is related to months of stress with my job. I can only compartmentalize for so long until something gives. But regardless, I try to not over analyze why it’s happening. That stokes my anxiety even more.

What is helping me right now is getting outside during the day and making sure I’m super tired before I go to bed so I can fall asleep.

Find tricks to help manage the morning. Perhaps some activity in the morning would help. I know you haven’t been feeling well so just ease into. Or try morning meditation. Think of the anxiety management tools you can apply to get over the hump.

On the other hand, if you are suffering from depression as well maybe a check in with your therapist might be in order.

I am sleeping kind of okay.
It is all the stuff that is on my mind, and then i awake to husband today which is no picnic.
I get outside during the day because I walk the dogs. And I keep active around the house, even when I had Covid.
I will be speaking with therapist this week. I did have to cancel with her due to Covid.

I hate to ask, but what do I do with the husband ignoring me today? He's just waiting for me to say what's wrong, and I refuse because he wants to unleash all the anger he's holding in on me. I have learned my lesson with that.

I wish I had somewhere else to go. I wish I didn't live with him anymore. I know EXACTLY the cause of why he's acting this way and I not going to let him bait me into asking what is wrong. I have done that too many times

If it were me I’d let your husband be. Go about your business.

Yes I know. But you how much I put up with this.
I just want it to stop.
I really really can’t take it anymore. He is so premeditated. Like he was fine all before my sons game. Then he flicked like a switch.
He just wants to call me names and call my son names and that’s what he’s waiting for today

Did I mention my son did the school transfer to a harder academic school (lower in sports). My son (who my husband calls names) ended up getting 3 As and a B as his fall grades. In s harder academic school.
Nothing will make husband happy unless it’s what he wants.

I dread this day. Im sick of this.

I also would try to stop seeing everything your husband does and doesn’t do as a catastrophe. Seriously he is who he is. I understand he has unpleasant qualities but you also don’t have to take that on and internalize it. Maybe he’s reacting because he senses how miserable you are. I mean you may not think you are outwardly showing it but when couples are together for so long each person has “tells.” Maybe there is this dynamic between you both that creates some of these more toxic interactions. Not blaming you. Just saying it’s not all about one person in the relationship. I mean in my marriage we both know exactly what each does that creates crappy interactions and foul moods in each other. We both know we play a part.

Go to church and take care of yourself. Find something to do outside your house or that isn’t a duty. Spend the day at an art museum for example or something else you enjoy doing in your area.

Stop fretting about your husband. There is no point. No offense but if all you do is take care of stuff around the house, walk the dogs and go to church on Sunday, that’s kind of a bleak existence. We need more than that to feed our soul a bit. We need more than our family members to create to happiness.

Let this stuff with your son’s sport go. Even if your husband can’t you can. You do not need to indulge it. It’s not healthy to keep revisiting the past over and over. I know your husband is hung up in it but you are not your husband. He can complain about it all he wants. You can decide to disengage when he does so.

We had a perfectly “pleasant” day yesterday.
I didn’t walk down this morning and ignore him. I nicely said I’m going to mass.
It was obvious. Giving me cold shoulder. It may seem on here that I’m unhappy in front of him but even sick I did my best to try hard and make him dinner and care for everything.

Talk to your therapist about your feelings and interactions with your husband.
You are not responsible for your husbands feelings. Maybe read about detaching from toxic family member. To get ideas and support.

I know you are trying hard. I guess I wonder why you try so hard when it clearly is not working and does nothing for you. You know that saying, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.

I realize you didn’t invite his ignoring. What I am saying is for some reason you both arrived here in your relationship where he gives a cold shoulder and you take it as a deep wound. . That is something I think you both have developed over time in your relationship.

Accept he’s a moody man and some days he is going to be ok and some days he’s going to be a turd. When he is a turd, rather than be a victim to it, be a hero to yourself and disengage, and remind yourself it’s his thing to work out.

Good lord if he is causing this much emotional harm to you, perhaps it’s time to put a plan together to leave. I see you have two choices, leaving or figuring out how to navigate his moods without it completely destroying you.

I’m being direct because there is no way to say it otherwise: you are BOTH in an unhappy marriage and there are no kids to create a barrier to it. It is just you and him. I don’t see things changing anytime soon unless there is a significant shift in you both.

You’re right on all accounts rmb. You have to realize I write here so I don’t keep it bottled up or show him how I feel.
I agree. I certainly can’t take it anymore. It’s horrrible really.
I am going to ignore his behavior today. I don’t have the strength to argue not even for a second.
From here I have to decide what to do

And something that is just crazy. We will be having a normal conversation and he will just throw in “ it’s your fault (meaning me) that sons sports career is over “.
This is so he puts any guilt or bad feelings on me and takes them off himself.
Of course I know this is just not true. I have no guilt over this.

Hmm. Before you do anything based upon feelings, sit down and write out real life needs and what it would take to do those things. Write out what you want to do for 'fun', for 'adventure', for 'pleasure'.

As long as you stick with the current choice of using this board to express your feelings, you're finding release in the moment without a single change in your perspective. (this is an observation-and it is to help you move through the feelings)

Before you can let go of the feelings, you have to let yourself see changes as a positive option.

So, your husband is probably dealing with his depression, anxiety, and feelings in a 'negative return' method. Strong, silent, stoic-he may be expressing his feelings and not considering that you see it as a complaint style.

That's the difference only you can make. I suspect that you notice it and feel it is personal when it's probably been this way for a really, really long time.

Ignoring and working with words in a way that brings you closure with feelings will definitely change things up.

I think you're making a huge impact for your well-being. Keep writing it out.

Of course and I’m glad you are writing it out here. I think you immediately react to what people respond with in order to explain yourself and you don’t have to explain or defend yourself. Just take it in, ignore what doesn’t resonate and chew on what does.

You also seem to be asking for advice and I just can’t see the anxiety and depression easing, living this way. To me those are symptoms not the cause. Of course I don’t know you and I’m just speculating based on all your posts. I could be completely misreading the situation. Deep down though I think you know these are symptoms of a bigger problem whatever that specific problem may be.

I think you are stronger than you know. It takes strength to put up with this. It takes strength to make hard decisions too. We are with you as you continue to figure it out!