My crowd phobia is intense enough that I am in awe that you were able to attend 2 years in a row. I still haven't made it to my first political rally of any stripe. I've tried a few times and wasn't able to get past the outer fringes. I thought I was going to die when I tried sitting through a basketball game. Politics? From a safe distance only and even then in moderation.

But echoes from the psychotherapy by which I attempted to tackle my crowd phobia say you should nudge yourself to make it 3 years in a row. If the phobia wins, you will still be stronger for trying.

So opineth The Arf. . .

Gentle support while you find what works for you. Healing hopes for the frustration.

Pride is just a safe space for me. Like everyone there is there because they support the LGBT+ community and embracing everyone's individuality so it's a great time!
I really do wanna go but I might not stay very long. At least for the parade :)

I think a crowd of silent me-clones would still inspire me to hysteria. Well. . . Maybe that crowd should inspire *everybody* to hysteria. My self-esteem is still not healthy enough for me to believe that more of me is a good thing.

But when I failed to make into the thick of the public gatherings where I attempted exposure therapy, my supporters (one at a time) assured me it was still a success. It's not about achieving a standardized finish line. It's about willingness to try. The surest healing journey happens in small steps. I have managed to sit away from the smoothest exit at a church gathering or three. It was hard, but I did it. I still haven't made it past my compulsive need to chart escape routes, though. Small steps. Works in progress.

I hope you go to Pride and enjoy it. I shy away from large crowds too - but there's a part of me that wants to be a part of the 'party' - it might take me a bit to get warm up to it - as do most social stuff - but after you get used to it - you can have some fun. Even if I don't warm up to it - I am more happy that I went and SAW IT - and then happy that I am safe and cozy back at home. Happy Pride!!

I do think you should go. You went the last two years without incident. It will be good to get outside and go be around people. It will make you feel better. I would suggest just hanging around the outside perimeters of the group of people, at first. If and when you feel comfortable, you can move around more freely. I am sure everyone there will be nice, should you have a problem, but I don't think you will have a problem! Are you going with someone? Having a friend with you helps a lot, but going by yourself is great, too. Go and enjoy!

I ended up going to Pride. My friend who I was supposed to go with didn't get up in time so I managed to get myself to Boston without any support system. Once I was there another friend called me and said her plans bailed as well and that we should meet up. I waited for her for over an hour at North Station and started getting fidgety and meanwhile my ex was calling me saying her girlfriend had just dumped her while they were there for Pride and she tried finding me and I wanted nothing to do with her. Then I met up with some other friends for a bit and eventually found the original friend I was supposed to go with but the group she was with was way too drunk and I got overwhelmed and had to go home around 3:00. So i made it 5 hours in Boston and half of that I was completely alone. I had fun when I was with people but the other half was extremely hard to get through.

Thanks for the update. Good for you for going, You did great! Focus on the positive - you did 5 hours!!! Great!!! Forget any negative parts :) Good for you!

Thanks GirlinCalif I appreciate it!