I don't know you but I think that you deserve a response
Are you and hubby really at the end of the line or do you need time to cool off?
As I said I don't know you so I'm trying to get more information so that I can
offer support. I'm sorry that you feel so destroyed.
When I feel this way I need to find someone who I trust to talk to and take some time away. On the other hand if you're really ready for divorce what's your next step?

Before you make any emotional decisions-sit down and figure out the financial consequences of making decisions and figure out the priorities and the way you want to resolve the differences.

Rather than conflict conversation, write out what you think you heard when you listen. This often switches the trigger from the usual pattern to a better balance and provides a positive path towards a compromise that works.

When emotions are a full strength - and no one seems be listening, we take a step back and wait until everyone is calm to speak gentle and soft.

i take unofficial separations to help me detach from the emotional blow-out of marital disputes before i make such long-term decisions as visiting divorce lawyers. i solidly believe that the years of separation were the most important years of my marriage. those are the years we both learned how to live and let live.

but that is me and every case is unique.

steadying support while you decide what is right for you.

I am sorry, I know these big fights can be so distressing. He is telling you the truth, though. And it is good to hear it. He doesn't want to change and doesn't want you to tell him to change. So you can accept how he is and who he is or you can accept that the relationship is over because it is not healthy for you. We can love someone so much and hope and push them to change but they simply do not want to change. We can only change ourselves and when we love someone like this, sometimes we just can't let go of wanting them to be a changed person. When we get defensive, and they get defensive, it just becomes a blow by blow of saying things we don't really mean -- and yet maybe deep down we do mean them. Yet, the person we want to love isn't the person they are and this is doubly hard to face. So I wish you the best and send you a cyber hug.

Thank you everyone for your input. So, now it's all quiet on the western front. He left his wedding ring on the dresser and im hoping we can agree on the details before filing. Truthfully i dont know what else to do. I know it wont b fixed if only one of us want to repair or start over. I was gonna say he hadn't spoken a word to me since but that's not true. He said morning and thx for the coffee. God, I hope we can stay civil to each other. Gonna be a long day. Anger Management after work, just 2 classes in but DAMN I'm ready for a change. Didn't realize how much stress my body's been in. I take responsibility for my half. I gotta work on me or I'll just keep takin' on somebody else's traumas. No thanks kid, got enough of my own. Need to take/make time for "shadow work." Thanks again all.

personally, i would leave the agreement-seeking to the divorce lawyers who are professionally trained to handle such mediations. it's their job.

the part i focus on is that "shadow work." that is where the healing mysteries do their best work. breaking codependency habits is not as justy as filing legal documents to change your marital status.

If people are thinking it, it will eventually come out with the angry arguments