Anxiety Support Group

Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...

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My ship has run aground again

DeniseD1440
DeniseD1440

Hi friends,


I have been AWOL for a while, as things got busy and life seemed okay. Two weeks into stay at home I once again disintergrated. On and off, usually about 1 to 2 weeks of an "episode" with several weeks of normal in between. I have researched everything of course to diagnose myself. I have been to the psychiatrist, therapist, and doctor. Tried some hormone stuff since I started to notice a tie in with my cycle, but not always. Upped my effexor to 225 for a couple of months. Tried several different vitamins. And here is where I am now: Going for week three of this episode, the longest in my recent history. Anxiety has been moderate, depression symptoms have been terrible. Every morning I wake up dreading the day ahead. I sleep really well. 8-9 hours. I don't have a lot of daily tasks that are pressing. My area is wide open as far as Covid is concerned. I am financially fine, no interuptions to salary. Actually looking forward to going back to work in August. BUT I DREAD THE DAY. If I have something planned, I don't want to do it really, but I do, and I enjoy it, but not at my normal level of happiness. If I don't have something planned, I feel relieved that I don't have to 'put my face on' and fake another event, but then the day usually ends up worse over all. My mood in the morning is AWEFUL. Lots of morning tears, some days until noon. Appetite is low, but eating seems to marginally increase my mood. By the afternoon I feel better in general and can see the light at the end of the tunnel. By evening I feel close to normal, and can enjoy some funny tv show. I will think, "Tomorrow will be better, and I will feel like myself again." but every tomorrow sucks. Some days are better than others, but I feel like I am dancing the same dance every day. Twice in the last three weeks I have been at the point of going to inpatient treatment, but I feel like they will reject me because I am not suicidal. I don't want to die, I just want to feel better, and it literally feels like it is just out of reach. I have in the last 2 days decided to back off the 225 of effexor because I felt mechnical and robotic almost in my actions. I skipped yesterday's dose, and then took 150 today, which I will stay on for a while to see if that helps. I haven't had any withdrawal symptoms yet, unless they are the same as my symptoms I already had. I'm just so tired of going through this dance all the time. This isn't like me, and I didn't do this on citalopram, which makes me wonder if the effexor is helping the anxiety, but increasing depression symptoms. Any thoughts or postive support is greatly appreciated.

enjoytheride
enjoytheride
Hi Denise, I am so sorry you are feeling awful especially in the mornings. Have you talked to your psychiatrist about how the medication makes you feel? Why did you get off citalopram? I share many of your feelings and thoughts. It's taken me about 9 months to feel a bit like normal. I recently switched to Paxil and I feel okay. Also, I am not on the full strength. I also tried the hormones, and I just couldn't do both. I am only on thyroid and progesterone and feel okay. I don't even know if they are doing anything for me. I totally understand everything you are feeling. Even now, I feel like my days sort of repeat as far as feelings. I tell my therapist that I just want to feel normal again. Coming onto this group, has helped. I am also reading Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyers. This has been a saving grace to trying to change my mindset. What kinds of coping skills are you using? Keep in touch. I'll pray for you.
DeniseD1440
DeniseD1440
Thank you for your encouragement! I had been taking citalopram for about 12 years, and I had a severe illness in November 2019 that put me in the hospital for 2 nights. I had a panic attack in the hospital, and nothing has been the same since. I switched to the Effexor in December, thinking the citalopram just wasn't working anymore, because I could not even go to work for a couple of weeks. I even had to go to the ER at one point and get a shot of ativan. Since then, the panic and anxiety attacks seem to have responded to the meds, but the depression symptoms, which are not typical for me previously, have steadily increased. I have been seeing a therapist, which has helped, but I feel like I have no idea how to deal with the overwhelming depression symptoms, I have a lot of tools in my toolbox for anxiety, because I have dealt with it for so long, but this new stuff is baffling. I cope by trying to push myself to go through with activities as planned, and I do feel better while doing them, but they don't feel as good as they should, and once they are over, i'm back in the same place emotionally, so it feels like I'm just distracting myself, but not getting better.
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
Do you do much journaling? I really think writing things out, every day, would help with what you are dealing with. I hope what you wrote on this post has helped you some.

It seems you are doing lots of great things. Anxiety is such a frustrating thing. I have been dealing with mine over 20 years.

Maybe look at your diet, sleeping habits, other things such as social life, hobbies, etc.

I hope you feel better soon.
DeniseD1440
DeniseD1440
I am journaling a lot, and I find it extremely helpful. I am tracking my symptoms through it as well.
Secouya
Secouya
I am sorry you are feeling out of sorts. Do you exercise? Maybe try some deep breathing from your belly to help the anxiousness and some gentle movements. As others mention journaling helps and then go back to your journal and challenge your thoughts to see if they make sense.

Also meditation can help. I like an app called insight timer. They have guided meditation specifically for depression and anxiety,

I hope you feel better soon.
Community LeaderMid
Mid
The journal writing will continue to help you sort through the feelings, emotions, and thoughts.

When I was in hospital, it took a while for me to find the "comfort" zone of balance. I worked with gentle exercise and even breathing to make it less overwhelming.

Best wishes!
joef
joef
I have the same issues with waking up feeling anxious and then it seems to fade toward night time. I'm thankful for that because I do at least normally do not have sleeping issues. I hate the thought of "getting thru it" to get to the next day. What sort of life is that? Wake up anxious, take some meds. (that don't seem to work anymore), go to work, get home, feel a little less anxious, wait til I get tired, sleep and start all over again. That's not living. I am searching out alternates to "coping" with my conditions. I am looking to recover from them. I've joined a Facebook Group called -- Anxiety Stress & Panic Attack Tips & Recovery. It's less of a support group and more of a place to share successes, ask questions and create a positivity. The support comes as part of these conversations. I also investigated The Anxiety Guy. Someone else on DS said that he was a good person to listen to. I like the idea that anxiety can be recovered from. I've also purchased the book "Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence" to work on re-training my brain to see the positive in my life and recognize and move on from the negatives.
DeniseD1440
DeniseD1440
Thanks for all the support. I increased some hormone meds and have had two wonderful days back to back. I hope it keeps going in this direction! Also very thankful for doctors who listen to me.
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