I am sorry you are having such anxiety. You sound like me. I do the "what if's" a lot. If this happens then what if this happens and then what if this happens. Since you asked for advice, if you must worry (and I know sometimes we cannot help ourselves) worry about your own situation with the disability. You don't even know if you have it yet, and you're already imagining future scenarios.

As for your friend, IMO she doesn't sound like much of a friend. We live in hard times and some people simply don't have money. But from you said, she has lied to you, and caused you greater financial hardship. So now you want to lie to her so she doesn't rip you off again. If you can just take a step back and look at the situation objectively. Pretend someone else was sharing this story with you. Does this really sound like a a healthy friendship? Best friends don't lie to each other or cause each unnecessary hardship.There are plenty of good people out there in need of a friend. If you get your disability and tell her she cannot borrow any money after what happened before, and she still tries to borrow money or reacts negatively, it doesn't sound to me anyway like she respects you or cares about your own needs and boundaries. You deserve netter friends than this. You shouldn't have to lie about your disability if she truly is your best friend.

I hope you get your disability and have a good day and find people worthy of your loyal friendship.

In My Opinion, a best friend would understand and respect your truth to your reasons for not lending them anymore money. I encourage you to listen to your inner voice and stay true to yourself. I'm done lending people money, and yes, never heard from them again, which told me they never were True Friends to begin with then.

Thank You for Sharing : )

Thank you both. Very good advice. I do not like lying at all. I do need to worry about my situation first. Thanks again1

If your friend takes off because you won't loan her money--she is NO friend. Disability is not going to be like winning megamillions--hopefully it will be enough so you can stay above water--asking you to give up any part of it is really selfish. But--and here's the kicker--it hasn't happened yet and you are already anticipating a disaster, hyper vigilance--I'm famous for doing this too.....lol....I'm always expecting the worst out of any situation (ahhhh anxiety, gotta love it!)

and if she does ask-don't lie--tell her outright that you need the money-because you do. you shouldn't have to hide it....

I know I always think ahead and think the worst. If my hubby goes to the store and he is gone to long I go crazy worrying.I also worry about what would I do if anything happened to him. What if I get sick. What if he had a stroke( brother in law had stroke and his wife is having hard time taken care of him). I always have a case of the what Ifs. It is getting a little better with my new med hopefully it will continue to get better with that and therapy. Thanks

As a person who went through the long process of disability assessment, and is on total and permanent disability, I can relate to your fear for this friendship.

With the disability pay-out comes the tax man and it can be a shock to the system. If you get the disability, you'll find people coming out of the woodwork for whatever reason.

I can vouch for the fact that loaning disability pay-out funds is not a good financial move for anyone. It can tear apart family relationships, create a financial divide, and more importantly, it will not happen again.

As for the friend and the delay in being paid back, that is common among those who are used to "taking".

You will find your well-being more level and normal once you find what works for you. This person may yell, scream, holler, walk away, and if they do, it's their problem, not yours.

Best wishes! Wish you well with the decision, it's nerve-wracking waiting.

You need to take care of you. Just let her know, it's all you have and you cannot afford to put yourself in a bind. If they are about to loose their house, then they really can't afford it, and lending them money won't change that.

There are people you want to help out when you can and those it is unwise to try to help out because you know you'll just inconvenience yourself and they won't really be helped that much in the long run.

Your friends sound like the latter.

In those situations, I find it best to be sure they're doing more work to resolve their problem than I am. Instead of giving them money, it may be best to give them a list of resources they could access for help like places they can go for free job coaching, food banks, places that could help with low income housing or help with paying their mortgage or staying in their house.

By giving them the resources, you're showing you care but also refusing to do the work for them.

Sometimes we think if we stand up for our own best interests we'll lose friends but the good ones will understand. It's absolutely within your rights to say what you're willing to do and not do. It's good to help others but only so far as it is comfortable and life-affirming for us too.

I agree there is a lot of "what if" thinking here. You never know. Your friend may be understanding. If not, she isn't a friend, she's a leech. It's one thing to borrow money from someone with a normal income, but to get your hands on someone's disability? That would be pretty low.

I recently made the decision that, until my husband and I get ourselves out of debt, we aren't giving any money to any causes or friends/family who might need it (within reason). We live in a society where debt is considered acceptable, whereas our parents and grandparents were very careful to never use credit at all. As long as you have your own bills to pay, other people will just have to take care of themselves. This is common sense.