I would get her into therapy with a good therapist. maybe start meditation, yoga, some kind of exercise. Those things have helped me-along with medication. She's at such a stressful age..this is the perfect time for her to see a good therapist so she can stop the anxiety monster....

I am not a parent, but I empathize with your heartache. It is a difficult time in her life becoming a teenager. I would find a counselor to help her manage and develop coping skills. I hate to see someone so young get put on medications... There are some alternative naturopathic doctors and Functional Medicine Doctors that look for any physiological explanations rather than masking the symptoms with drugs. They actually have genetic testing that may identify certain mutations in the way the brain produces neurotransmitters that may predispose her to anxiety. I went down the drug treatment path about twenty years ago, and I have exhausted all treatment modalities in psychiatry. I am not saying psychiatry is bad, but I wish I would have not put so much trust in the psychiatric field. Good luck, and feel free to ask me any questions if I was not helpful. Please note: I am not a doctor, and this is just advice from many years of treatment.

I am right there with you. I have had three teen daughters even before teens with my anxiety problems some what and it was so very stressful. Just take the time check out the therapist and get her n A/S/P. Meditation does help. I am some what a Buddhist/ Christian. I do not worship Buddha but I do you use his teaching skills, motivation skills and his out look on life as a part of my every day therapy as well as prayer to God. It might be nice for her to have a space, room or basement set up with a nice rug and candles and incense and soothing music as well as a nice soft fluffy pillow. Maybe both of you could meditate together. I was skeptic, till my soon to be daughter in law helped me. I am so glad, I still have bad days but they don't last as long and not as painful. Maybe read just a little on meditation together, if you do something like this with her it will help strengthen the bond between you two and it also will help you both in your anxiety.

I agree about her seeing a therapist. She may be suffering extreme anxiety about starting a new school and may not even realize how anxious she is. Please do not start thinking that just because she suffers from anxiety, that somehow it has anything to do with you, because it does not. It also sounds like she may be suffering from Agoraphobia. I have that at times and I get to where I don't want to be around anyone, go anywhere, and noises scare the crap out of me. I do hope you will find her a therapist that deals with teens who suffer from anxiety and depression, and hopefully that will help her. Another way of helping her, is to NOT start blaming yourself. Hugs Gramybear

I completely sympathize with your daughter Sunnyjax. My crippling anxiety began when I was a child. If my family had taken me to see a therapist I don't think I would be suffering this much now, but back then there wasn't much knowledge about mental illnesses in my home country, so the doctors my mum did take me to see told her that a chamomile tea would solve the problem. If only!

Don't rely on books solely as a way to help your daughter. You have to take her to see a therapist because they can help discover the root of your daughter's anxiety and start working from there. It might also be possible that she inherited an over-reactive amygdala, so she naturally feels more fear than it's normal

You also need to be very patient with her, and very compassionate. Encourage her, don't force her. If you can create a relaxing atmosphere at home do it.

She won't have to deal with this like you say, if the right treatment is found, and the right support offered. She doesn't have to become a statistic like us :) She's very young, you're aware of the problem, she's aware of the problem, that's already a great start!!

I would second the getting her to a good therapist. Let her guide who she likes and dislikes as a therapist to a point. I say this because I found a good therapist in college and it was still difficult to open up, but once I did it was so helpful. I waited for years before seeing a therapist and to this day I regret waiting. So that is one of the first things you can approach her with.

Also, I like the yoga ideas and the eastern medicine ideas as a supplement. I do yoga AND I take pharma drugs to help with my anxiety. The combination is an excellent one in my opinion.

Make sure she stays physically active that has been found to help anxiety.

So pretty much everything Hypergal said is what I would recommend.

Also, I would pat yourself on the back. Your daughter came to you first! That is excellent! Many teenagers would bottle it in. That is going to be extremely helpful on her road to recovery.

Someone else may have mentioned this, but one of the tools I wish my parents had gifted me with was teaching me to stand up for myself and say what I want.

Often, anxiety starts with some other trigger - it's too hot or cold, there is a feeling you must or should do something you're not comfortable with, etc. Being able to say, "I'm not comfortable doing that. I'll wait here" or whatever, can be tremendously helpful.

I was depressed and anxious at her age, too. My father also suffered from it, but he had a hard time admitting it and it wasn't until I was an adult that he sought help for it. I think things would have been easier for me if my dad had been more aware of his disorder when I was young. We clashed all the time and I think he would project a lot of his anxiety onto me.

Anyway, I think your daughter is lucky to have a parent who is so aware of what it's like. You obviously have a good handle on it and you can sort of coach her through it. I wish I had had that at her age!

I think you should find a good therapist who specializes in teenagers with anxiety disorders. Somebody your daughter also likes and feels comfortable with.

Also, don't treat everything your daughter feels as evidence of the disorder. Sometimes, her feelings are natural and real because of something going on at school or with a boy or something. I think it's really hard on kids when their parents start treating them like a walking condition instead of a person. And lastly, give her plenty of space and alone time and don't think that's necessarily a problem. It's normal for any thirteen-year-old to retreat to their room for a lot of the time and to seek more independence from you.

Best of luck to you and your daughter. I know you'll come through this and be closer for it.

Thanks everyone, she seems so closed off, as if she is afraid to break through this barrier and say how she feels and what she wants. This is how she has always been. I always thought she was very sorted, so her telling me this has been something I have struggled to come to terms with. Im very sad for her, that she has to deal with this. She is the last child of three and her Fathers side are very emotionally distant and shut off - very British you know, it just isn't done to show emotion ! My family are not like that - neither am I.

Sadly when her Father and I split up and she has ended up living with him ( mainly because she doesn't want to hurt his feelings by living with me) I regret not taking her to live with me but she was so happy with her Dad, ( and brother) and I saw her every day anyway as I did the school runs and he picked her up after work in the evening so she went to bed in her birth-bed and birth home. It was impossible to sell that house and after 5 years we did manage to sell but by that time her best friend was in the new house next door!!! So she stayed with Dad and her brother, I had the elder daughter with me.

anyway I am rambling. I am in the UK and counselling or any form of mental health issue is not well supported over here. I would have to pay privately and its costly. 50 a session. I don't want to make fuss about this and make her more self-conscious than she already is. I thought maybe I could get her some books to read and maybe do therapy when she is less self-conscious due to her age.?!

Anyone recommend any books I can give her to read so we can talk about them together, some of the ones I have are very grown up.

xxx

I was 12 when I started having frequent overpowering mind numbing horrific reoccurring panic attacks. I couldn't function. My mom took me to the doctor. I was put on an anti depressant and I was ok with that because it helped. I wish there would have been more availability back then for me to see a therapist; it would have been great to have learned coping techniques back then instead of 10 year later. There were a lot of wasted days, nights, weeks, months spent worrying my teenage years away and sometimes thinking I'd be better off dead.
A book I think she would understand is Anxiety for Dummies - I'm serious. It sounds like a joke, but there is a lot of useful information in it and I think it would be easy to understand at her age.

ooo good idea - I have Co-Dependency for dummies and its really good! Thanks for that!
xxx

Being in the UK is much more difficult for therapy, so here's what we do (friends live there, and we share ideas back and forth).

Good for you both to be able to talk, and read books to help sort through the changes of becoming a woman (the chemical levels really add to the party).

Weather is the easiest method we use to help us get on track. Noticing the little things in the garden, the walk, the school, and where ever you go are often the best way to find what works to improve the feeling, emotion, voice, and value in the moment.

Best wishes! You are not alone in this!

Hi Sunnyjax,

I used to suffer from anxiety also. I tried just about every self help, professional help, spiritual help that existed. The only thing that made the most sence to me was a book/adio series called Overcoming Anxiety and Depression by Lucinda Basset. I have also heard that the Clair Weeks program that you spoke of is good also.

The bottom line is that anxiety is a normal body reaction that folks end up making a habit. This may sound hard to beleive but really that is all it is. It does scare the heck out of folks because the natural symptoms of adrenaline being released into our systems does not feel very pleasent. Because these feelings are not pleasent, our minds continually are on the look out for situations that make us release these chemicals to begin with. Fear of these feelings start to make our world smaller and smaller keeping us from enjoying everyday life.

There is a positive here....I promise!

Learning exactly what is happening in our bodies that make us feel so uncomfortable and also learning how to control these bodily functions put you back in the driver seat of your life....so to say. Ironically driving was one of my biggest fears.....now driving is pure relaxation. Driving hasn't changed....my thoughts about driving have.

I did do a twelve week post on tools that I used to overcome anxiety. Friend me if interested.

Tip: Learn to overcome anxiety yourself and then teach your daughter.

My best to you!

I just researched this at Barnes and Nobles bookstore. They have lots of book geared just for the age group and I am sure you can find something there. 13 is a tough age and they are anxious anyway. It may not be the same as you but she may have learned the behavior from you. Go there and check it out. Good luck.