I don't know if you are ready or not to have children, but I think you are extremely mature to be questioning these things. I wish I had realized how much help I needed before becoming a parent, and actively engaged in treatment. My daughter is 14 and I've been battling mental health issues all my life. I wish I had gotten help before having children. But you may be able to do it???? I don't know. My daughter has definitely been my motivation to recover, to keep on keeping on. She's been an angel. But it hurts to know how much she has to deal with because I struggle. I say, take care of you first. Its so hard when you have a kid. If you can make peace with yourself, your past, and become healthy before having kids, you may feel more confident in your ability as a parent. However, they are great teachers, and you will learn and grow as you parent. No one comes in knowing exactly what is right for your child. You have to just do your best. Not sure if this was helpful. Again, I respect you for considering the needs of your future child, before jumping into parenthood blindly.

I think if we wait to be ready for children we don't have children. :p Because you're never ready. There is no such thing.

Just go off the pill and blame God for whatever happens. You're just a young wee thing, your life isn't set in stone. Your identity isn't locked in. Have some kids. It'll be the making of you.

:)

Here's what I say, it's natural. Go off the pill, and relax. Enjoy the adventure. Anxiety is natural, and give yourself room to enjoy the experience of anxiety, it is pleasant sometimes.

Planning for children is one positive activity. Doing what it takes to have children is one positive activity. It's positive!

Best wishes!

I'm an anxious mama and my kids are all grown now.

As with any other disability, you find a way around it. I'd suggest you get clear on what you feel comfy with and what's too difficult. Your husband may need to step in for some things - just like for any other disability.

For example, you may be great at helping with homework, serving as a room mother, volunteering with the PTA, driving kids to school and doctor appointment and a myriad of other things. Your partner may step in for trips to adventure parks, school plays and field trips.

If you feel someone who is blind or in a wheelchair could be a good mom, you can do it too. You just need to accommodate for it.

I would also suggest you get tested for the MTHFR gene mutation. It's VERY easy to fix - stop eating folic acid and take a special sort of folate. It could be what's causing your anxiety and if you have it, you need to know before getting pregnant as it can help your baby to be healthier if you're getting the right folate. People with this mutation, if uncorrected with folate, can also have more miscarriages.

I'm a mother with anxiety. The panic attacks didn't start until the kids were teenagers.

When they are young, you have more control over your child's diet, environment, activities, education, etc. But as they grow, that ability to keep them well-fed, safe, clean, healthy, active, etc. diminishes.

This is when I began to struggle. About 4th or 5th grade they began to turn their attentions from mom and dad, and their friends became the center of their world. They were more influenced by their peers than their parents. That's when it began for us, the letting go.

It's really tough to let your child out into the world, but you have to. And if you've done your job right early-on, there's a good chance that they will be absolutely fine.

Middle School age things go a little bit further - you begin to feel as if you don't know as many of their friends or their friend's families as you did when they were in elementary school. You have to trust that your children are making good choices in the friends they keep. Often, too, kids begin to try out new interests and do not necessarily hang out with the same friends you knew in elementary school. That was also stressful for me. I had always known their friends, so this was a great comfort. In middle school, this begins to change. Some parents are better than others at communicating with you. I always tried communicating with the parents, but some just are very distant by this age. I have no answers. I don't know why. Others are great and I really appreciated those parents.

By high school, you feel like the world splits open and your child is thrust into the thick of it. If you weren't feeling detached from your child's social circle by middle school, there's a fairly definite chance that in high school you will finally experience this. Also in high school they sometimes have things like off-campus lunches and parties when the parents are home. And driving. Oh, it's a lot of fun when they and their friends start driving. :) Yes this is when my panic attacks started. Although at the time I didn't know I was having panic attacks. I just thought I was freaking out. lol

But you have to let them go. You have to just love them and support them the best you can. If you're doing your job right, there's a very good chance they will be fine.

Mine are absolutely fine and thriving out in the world. I have one in college now and one in high school. They both still live at home but they make just about all of their own choices and we all have very independent lives. They pretty much come and go as they please though we do have a curfew for the one in high school.

Anyway - the teen years and young adult years are harder for a mom who suffers with anxiety, I think, than the younger years. Just my experience.

One piece of advice I'll share that has helped us A TON: open communication. Start it young. Do not respond with a freak out or anger or upset or in any negative way when your children come to you and tell you anything. And encourage them to tell you everything. Be a safe place to land for them. Always. No matter what. And make sure to tell them, make sure they know, that you will never stop loving them if they make a mistake or get into trouble.

Kids hide things from their parents when they have that sort of fear in them, or shame. We decided very early on to raise our kids in a way that encouraged open communication and honesty no matter what. And now, as the kids are in high school and college, it is really starting to pay off. Our twenty year old tells us everything, things that his friends may try to hide from their parents. And our 15 year old also feels safe telling us things, though his personality is a little different and he doesn't think to offer things up as much, so we have to go to him more. But when we do, he shares openly without any qualms about it.

Anyway - open communication and being a calm, loving support no matter what the situation helps anxious parents a great deal. :)

I'm sure you'll be a great mom and dad. Sounds like your potential future kid(s) is going to be super lucky!

This is just my opinion, but you are so young, and if your anxiety is out of control right now, I think the last thing I would be thinking about is trying to have a baby.

The fact that you have anxiety as bad as you do, suggests that you haven't even adapted to the life you have now. For whatever reason, your life is overwhelming you...or at least your thoughts about your life and your world are overwhelming you. And your anxiety is a symptom of that. I think adding a baby into the mix....which is one of the biggest stressors and life changes on earth...would be a really emotionally unhealthy thing to do.

You are right, having a baby is a huge responsibility with a lot of demands and stressors and you will live on zero sleep and it is HARD WORK. Your whole life changes and it is a huge anxiety trigger for a lot of people.

You sound like a great, mature person and I think its wonderful that you want to make sure you have everything just right for when a baby comes, and you sound like you are going to be an awesome mom. But if I were you I would shift your focus to making yourself ready, as opposed to making sure everything else is ready.

Just my thoughts though, and if you decide to chuck them out the window and stick to your plan, then my best advice would be to just try not to overthink it. Do the best you can and take it one day at a time. Thats about all you can do.