Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
I get afraid when my boyfriend yells at me. He is never physically abusive, but definitely is grumpy, especially if hes had a rough day, etc and he gets very easily upset with me.
Today he came home and got angry because the fridge still smelled badly from earlier when we couldn't figure out why it smelled. He opened the door with a very irritated look on his face and a raised voice said that "if you can't have food and put it in the correct spot and keep up with it, then you can't have the food". Basically saying I need to eat the food that I have and not make new things. He is always trying to do this, make rules for how things need to be and the way I need to do things. He then took all the stuff off of the top of the fridge (mostly my cats stuff) and put it on the table, forcing me to deal with it immediately because most of it is bags of cat food and treats that my cat would open and get into if I didn't put them away. It was the middle of my work day....i work from home and that is disrespectful of my time to have to figure out where to put the stuff.
I felt fear during the situation as I usually do when he gets angry with me. The anxiety stayed with me through the rest of the day and now it's 3 in the morning and I can't sleep because I'm anxious and crying. This is not a unique situation and has happened many times in the past.
I realize I need to work on anxiety and how I respond to things and have just started with a therapist. But, I just read that putting up with years of this could be causing some of my mental health issues. Has anyone dealt with anything similar?
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
zilwan - thank you for the info on "I" statements. I am assertive and I do tell him repeatedly how it makes me feel almost every time he does it. However, I don't use I statements.... I am a lot more direct than that and there is usually some excuse. Some reason why I'm not taking it the right way.
healingslowly - I am already going to a therapist (only for a few weeks now) for anxiety. This is how I realized that most of my anxiety really stems from the way he treats me. One day I was using one of the tools she gave me for when I have anxiety and a lightbulb went off and I realized that all of this is emotional abuse.
GirlinCalif - YES I am 6 years and 4 months sober and I love being sober. My boyfriend doesn't drink or do drugs so it's actually not an issue. He's just constantly picking on me and yelling and making me feel like I don't matter to him. And then when he does something hurtful he always just claims he is kidding or that I took it the wrong way. He's always correcting everything I do. I don't do the dishes correctly, I don't put the shoes away correctly, he gets mad when I raise the heat up if I'm cold. I'm just so fed up.
I do work - I actually make a good amount of money and am paying more bills than him. I can take care of myself financially it is just that we own a house together and also an investment property that HE NEVER WORKS ON even though he promised. We have also been together for a long time like 16 years I think. He has just gotten grumpier and grumpier and he yells at his parents and he argues with strangers online. He just has a terrible attitude. And it isn't all the time, sometimes he makes me laugh and is nice.
rmb - I do feel like I am walking on eggshells and every time he raises his voice or he doesn't listen to me or calls me stupid I just get afraid and really sad. I don't understand why a person that is supposed to love me will treat me like this.
bobby5000 - I can yell back. I am a very direct person and tell him how he makes me feel every time. However, I don't want to be in a relationship where I have to yell back. I want serenity and peace and warmth and love and support. I want no yelling or VERY infrequent yelling only when it's about something really important.
HalleB - thank you for the resource suggestions. I will look into these..... peace is all I want.
I'm having a really hard time with this. He said he would do counselling with me, but I'm not optimistic. After all of these years of asking him to not be mean to me, and telling him all the things he does to hurt my feelings and him not following through with financial things between us, I just don't understand why on earth putting a counselor in the mix is going to magically make him different. Why aren't my feelings and my wishes and my requests enough?? Why wasn't any of this taken seriously at all in the past? I'm so tired and I don't want to stick around and see if he will change for a little bit just so he can go back to treating me like garbage when we are done with counseling.
Why doesn't he just want to treat me nicely just to treat me nicely? How do people say they love each other and treat each other like this and not want to change?