Thanks for allowing me to vent my Soon to be ex husband is a narcissist which in part has caused most of the anxiety and panic that I have been experiencing. It’s so crystal clear. And whenever he sees me on social media being happy and doing my thing he will shoot me a random text and I always respond. We keep things very polite but he does it just to see if I will respond. I’m thinking he’s texting because he wants to say he’s sorry for the mental abuse he caused. Or that he’s sorry we are getting divorced or something like that. And pride and narcissism won’t let him say those words. And so my expectations are always let down during these communications. I don’t want him back. I just want him to say sorry. It’s closure for me in a way I guess. Sunday I posted that I went to the movies on Saturday and the movie was excellent and I was in a really cute outfit and got a lot of likes and I just looked soooo happy which I look very happy in all of my photos. So he texts me Sunday night and says how are you. And I say I’m doing fine and I asked him how was church because he is a pastor. And he says great and then he tells me that the church has a four day conference and that it was jammed pack every night and how the church is doing so well and then he says hes in Florida on vacay by himself. So I told him that all of that was awesome and to keep on doing what he’s doing and the church will continue to be blessed. All of this convo was by text. I then texted and asked him how long was he going to be in Florida. And he didn’t respond. But he called me the next morning. I didn’t answer. So I’m asking myself why is this dude texting me while he’s on vacay. And the answer is because he’s a narcissist. He just can’t seem to understand that I’ve moved on. So the after effect of this communication is I had some panic out of nowhere last night. And I know the trigger was communicating with him. The mind games. He watches my social media like a hawk. I know the best thing for me to do is to block him but I want him to see that I’m living my best life without him. It’s sort of a jab. I ended the relationship so it’s oribsbky eating him up that I left. But I had to leave because the emotional abuse was too much to bear. But I digress. So I know now that I must never respond to anymore of his texts or phone calls. I must remain vigilant and treat him like a recovering alcoholic would treat alcohol. I’m not going to block him because he will think he’s getting to me. But I don’t have to respond to him because he’s just trying to abuse me from afar. Thanks for allowing me to vent.
I’m suffering from sleep disorder, due to stress and anxiety. My chest will feel really heavy when I’m worrying about sleepi would get frustrated and have a panic attack. I can’t seem to relax...I don’t know If I’m also suffering from depression, because I feel really sad and upset everyday, I lost interest in things I used to like, I would feel hopeless and sometimes I would think my...
Sooooo I don’t want to type it all out right now. Basically I found some stuff out about my ex. And we talked tonight and ended with me sobbing, shaking, getting sick, and wanting to cut. I havent for like 2 years. But right now it’s all I want to do. Idk.