Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Finally sat down and sent my mom a message explaining my plan. About getting better at baking and selling my desserts. I explained to her why I wanted to get help with money and that I have a plan to get off of it once I don't need help anymore. It was a long message and I hoped she would finally understand that I want to do something with my life. What did I get back? "I understand. I know you dont want free money. I get it"
That is it. Feels like she still doesn't get it. I even explained that I don't want to live in this freaking dump anymore I want to help save up and fix it. I never tell her how much I am disgusted by this place and I barely even said anything in the message because she always gets upset when she thinks about it.
Am I supposed to just sit on my ass the rest of my life and live in my grandma's moldy basement?? Die alone here never doing anything with myself?? Those are exaggerations I'm sure but this is how I feel. Everyone and their mother can tell me their idea of how I should live but I have my ideas. This is my life I am trying to plan it out and do things. But I'm going to need at least a little help. The other day I asked my mom if she would sell stuff at the farmers market for me and she said "I don't know" really quietly and walked away. Does no one want me to make any fucking money??? What am I supposed to Do??
Me leaving the house without help without crying or panicking and being able to function normally will take at least a year probably more. You can try to tell me it won't but I know myself I know where I was before I stopped leaving I know how I am doing now this will be hard work. That is not something that will happen quickly. I'm trying to do something RIGHT NOW. Not a year from now not 3. In the moment. The only thing I can do is keep getting better at baking and prove that my plan would work if I had some support.
Everyone always says wow this is so good this looks awesome you could really make some money off this!! But then when I ask if they'll help me sell it, everyone seemingly goes quiet. The only person who thinks I could actually do it is my step dad. He said 4 different times that I should take some stuff to the farmers market and sell it. He even payed me for the cake I made and asked if I needed more money for it. I didn't even know he was gonna pay but the fact that he did was very nice. I would ask him to help sell stuff but he works a lot and they have 3 crazy little kids so that would not work well for them.
I am just tired of this. I know there is something better. I'm not gonna settle for this I always knew I could do better. My whole life I've wondered why we have to be so poor. Cried to my mom asking why we couldn't get nice clothes from the mall like everyone else. Why we had to get the free school supplies that all the poor people got and it was all ugly and everyone knew you were poor if you had it. I am thankful we have gotten help even if the things we have aren't the nicest looking. But I know I can do better than this I do not have to be stuck like this the rest if my life. I have high standards for how things will be and I'm trying to get there. I'm not gonna be poor living in a freaking dump health hazard for the rest of my life.
I just wish people would see that I'm trying to get out of this. I can't expect them to understand. I try my best to explain myself. That's all I can do. Besides showing people what I mean by actually doing it. Which I have been. I feel like everyone is lying when they say my stuff is good bc if they weren't they'd be all on board for me selling it. The only truly honest person I can trust is my sister. She will tell me if something is bad and she'll tell me if it's good. She's blunt. She gets straight to the point no sugar coating. I can't say she is always the nicest like the other day she said my hair looks awful and ugly but this isnt about my hair. When it comes to stuff I make she's honest and I am glad about that.
I'm just full of negativity today. I just want to do something. Both my cousins my age are doing things. One started college the other is still in school and just got a tattoo with her sister. She has friends and a boyfriend. I have nothing. I sit here. Do the same things every day. I hate talking to people anymore because whenever they ask what I'm up to its always the same. I feel like everyone looks down on me in like a stupid 10 year old who can't take care of themself.
Just have to calm down and forget about it. Not much I can do except keep trying. Not a good idea to do that right now though because I'll probably explode at myself and get even more mad if I mess up. It is not good when I get mad at myself.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
I am not sure, but I guess your Mom doesn't know how serious you are about wanting to sell your baked goods. I would suggest going online and doing your own research about how to sell baked goods in your city (such as, do you need any kind of permit) and definitely look up that Farmer's Market, they may have a website or Facebook or Instagram page, and find out how to go about selling stuff there.
You might have to go to the Farmer's Market with your Mom, or your sister or your step dad. Would you be able to go if one of these people went with you?
You can make plans. You can do research. What's frustrating in life is when we wait for someone else to do something for ourselves because we could be waiting forever. Being proactive and doing as much of the work yourself is not only satisfying, but will get you to your goals a lot quicker.
Good luck, you can do this!
I have looked up the farmers market as well. I know where it is but no I could not go even if they went with me. Im scared of even being in a car that is turned on. Definitely terrified of it moving and going anywhere. Before I stopped actually leaving, I couldn't even get out of the car when I did leave. Now i cant leave at all.
I'm trying to do everything I can by myself. I can't even buy supplies by myself though bc my mom won't even attempt to help me get a bank account. I've done the research but I do not understand banks I don't know about any of this stuff no matter how much I look it up. She isn't even doing anything to try she just doesn't want to I guess. I don't know if there's more I can do but I still keep trying anyway.
For what it's worth
My art talent didn't give me any business smarts, whatsoever. I had allot to learn in order to get my engineering graphics biz up and running. I learned those pesky details by holding various jobs in the field. Have you thought about trying a bakery job to see how a pro outfit works? Just wondering.
A bakery job would be cool but like I said, it'll probably be over a year til I can at least leave the house and function normally while out. If that. Holding down a job is a whole other thing. I feel like now, in this time I need to be my own boss because I'm not gonna sit here and do nothing while waiting til I can actually attempt getting a job.
If I ever decide to have my own bakery though, I'd definitely want to work at someone else's first just to see how it works and get expirience. I like to take opportunities for expirince even if it doesn't work out bc at least I learned something.
Great idea!
You say over a year, so does that mean you are going to start that therapy soon? I am only asking because in my experience with having anxiety for over 20 years, my anxiety does not get better on it's own without some work. And my work is doing therapy (and I take anti anxiety medication that takes the anxiety away for periods of time each day).
I think you will feel better all around once you get things going, and take the actions necessary to live your life more fully. Take it from me.... the anxiety does not seem to magically disappear (I used to think it would). You can do the steps to work on your anxiety and I do think a therapist can help guide you, but you can always do things right now, on your own. Such as going outside, working up to riding in a car, etc. Those are things you can do on your own.
I am excited about your baking business! How about a YouTube video of you baking, or making an Instagram page of your cakes and cookies.... there is so much you can do right now for free, and you don't even have to leave the house.
And I'm not sure it will be exactly a year but I do think whenever I start my recovery it will take at least a year to get to a more stable place. I'm not in therapy yet but my mom said she is going to look into it we talked about it the other day.
I know it wont just go away on its own. But I will admit, in the anxiety department I do not want to put the work in. I have a hard time seeing many good reasons to leave again and even when i do they just don't feel moving enough for me to push myself hoping in therapy maybe I will learn new coping mechanisms to work on and if they helo maybe it'll take just a bit of the difficulty out of it. Sure it won't be much but it's something.
I don't plan on making any social media specifically for baking because I've realised when I do that I get burnt out quickly. I'll feel like everything I make has to look absolutely perfect and the pictures have to be amazing if not, I failed.
So unless i am selling stuff I don't make a specific account for it. But I do post pictures on my main normal Instagram every now and then just to show people what I've been up to.
All the more reason you need that therapy. Follow up with your Mom about getting therapy going. Therapy will also help you with leaving your house.
When I started therapy for my anxiety, I really felt a lot better, and more motivated and excited and optimistic about life.
But those small labors in persistent doses will always add up.
I wonder if it would be worth a surf to find out if there are any other cottage bakers in your neighborhood. Maybe find some local collaboration? A CBN? Cottage Baker Net?
Just wondering. . . Maybe just farting out the wrong end again. I do that allot.
But my mom actually wants me to leave my whole family does. I know she wants me to be better and have a good life but I just don't think we're seeing eye to eye on my plan. If I get in therapy I will talk to my therapist about disability and see if she can help.
I don't think my mom will help for whatever reason. Even though a few months ago she was totally on board. Then the next day jake came back and after that we never talked about it again like we were going to. Idk what's going on with her but I'll figure stuff out I guess.
As a youth living at home I had alot of issues. Not necessarily the same type you are experiencing. I was in a bad place mentally and I was self medicating with any type of drug or alcohol I could get my hands on. For years my mom and dad tried their best to get me help. They really tried hard. They would carry me here and there. I talked to this person and that person. They tried to have me institutionalized at one point. The only thing that kept any of that stuff from working was me. All I would do was lie about the situation. I didn't necessarily want help.
I'm not saying you are that way. The reason I bring that up is because after a while they just quit. Like they just gave up. I eventually got to a point where it was bad enough that I did want help. And I had to be the one to get it. I had to put "the work in" and I did and I climbed out of that hole and did quite well for a few years.
Finally during a conversation with my mom and dad they told me they had talked to someone and they told them to stop doing for me what I could and needed to do for myself. Thats why they stopped. They did help me by taking me to my appointments and things.
After a few years of doing ok my situation changed I stopped taking my meds and slowly started to slip back into that hole. Now that I'm an old man and spent the last 15 years without medication here I am trying to climb back out of that hole.
I'm the type of person that doesnt like being around alot of people and I am content staying at home. And during covid I have been doing that. Its been my excuse to stay home. So much that I get really bad anxiety when leaving the house. Just thinking about leaving gives me bad anxiety. So I'm taking it a day at a time. Time takes time.
You hang in there and do the best you can. Remember we are not alone.