Life is not fair-and you won't get what you "deserve..." You will get what is decided in court.

It is how it goes and it can be harsh as hell. But you have to do what you can do respectfully as possible, no matter what others choose to do, and then face the music of what pans out.

What is worth more to you-your life or making sure you "get yours"....and this is coming from someone who understands feeling cheated by a spouse financially and otherwise, ok? I try and always keep my peace and dignity front and center when dealing with crappy situations. Not easy, but if I put money or what I think I deserve from others (and feeling cheated if I don't get it) number one I am on my way to sickness.

Stay centered-keep your eye on the prize-your sobriety, ok? Money and stuff can be replaced, your health and wellness cannot.

If I can add to what KK is saying, standing up for yourself, having a good lawyer to represent you, setting boundaries is NOT being an asshole. From prior posts it seems as if you have been taken advantage of and resent it as every human would. However YOU made some choices that were not in your own best interest. You can be kind but firm. It isn't "either....or" all the time. I don't think "bending over" and "taking it like a man" are necessarily good advise. Be wise, ask your God for guidance then clean the wax out of your ears! take care and many hugs from all of us who have been there!!!

Stick close to the program. It is when times are toughest that the true strength of it is most obvious. Living by spiritual principles helps me to behave in a balanced way when dealing with situations - I am not walked all over but I am not an asshole either. I can stand up for myself without trampling on other people. I agree with gjm - check out your spiritual condition - fit spiritual condition not only helps us to deal with life but also connects us with the power we need to stay sober.

Bob I have seen many posts where you are helping others maintain their sobriety now it is your turn remember God helps those who help themselves. Don't throw it away you have my utmost respect for doing as well as you have I know it is not easy but at the end of the day if you have that drink It is not gonna change a damn thing about your divorce! STAY STRONG! Dee

So have you cleaned up your side of the street already then?

I'm thinking you are probably not the only victim in this tango. I just keep reading your posts waiting for you to bring up how you are turning to the program for help with this... Acceptance or courage to change, step 1, 3, 4, 9...

I'm sure this is a tough situation for you. When I have found myself getting stuck in the problem and wanting escape, the only way through it was a seeing it from a different perspective.

Maybe pray for her or pray to know the right thing to do or the right way to behave.

Sounds tough. I went through a divorce but was drinking...and also 23. Easier to bounce through it. That said, you can be assertive without being disrespectful. You can stand up for your rights, without stomping on someone elses. In fact, its imperitive that you do. Acting the victim is for me, classic alcoholic behaviour and a great excuse to behave badly, if not to drink.
I've found that praying for the person for 2weeks and putting it into my god box...works. It sure as hell beats the crap out of the alternatives.

Sounds like a resentments brewing..take care with resentments...resentments when you are right and they ARE actually wrong or wronging u are the worse.I speak from my own experience.Nothing has ever ignited such a fiery desire to drink or use...If you are in a situation where you have to be around ones causing it ,its really tough but i would limit my interaction and go around more positive real friends..If you can get to more meetings and afterwards mingle more,do more activities,volunteer to help with things..All these have and does work for me plus a little step work with resentments with your sponser will help you understand who resentments actually hurt in the end.Take care of yourself and HANG IN THERE!

I read all of these replies once...and I think I will have to read them all again. These definitely change my way of thinking which, obviously wasn't working for me.

I can't seem to separate resentment from getting my fair share. Now I am wondering what is fair. No matter what I think I deserve, I can guarantee, she will think I am "cleaning her out" and taking advantage!

I think I need to talk to a lawyer.

Thanks everyone! I think God has spoken to me through you people!

Bingo!!

Real people better Bob beady eyes are beeutiful!!

Not getting your entitlements, huh?

Bob, to go through this without an attorney is insanity. Truly.

Bob, people have been tell you to get an attorney from the get go.
Ya think its time to pull the trigger?

I don't need a lawyer, I know everything! Just kidden :)

OK I'll get one.

"I can guarantee, she will think I am "cleaning her out" and taking advantage!"

Nice insight Bob. We're not always responsible for what people make of our actions, we're just responsible for our actions.

Good luck.

P