Getting a lawyer would really end your conflict on whats fair..I must say i love decisions with a impartial third party..The good thing about it if your wife accuses you of cleaning her out you can ''im only getting whats fair by law''which would take a lot of the weight off you.

I'm not going through a divorce but a very similar situation. This woman I had a relationship with was a complete "BULLY". I bent over backwards to try to please her.

I stick to my sponcer & the people I trust the most in my Network. They have picked me up when I was down, when I went thru the death of my mom, basically all kinds of adversadities. I was told to "Accept" what I can NOT change, accept life on life's terms, get out of "Self" & help other's, & move forward!! Pray for her & for God's guidance to get me thru this situation. I start my morning prayer's with: "Thy will be done in me and through me today" Dear Lord, redirect my thinking especially to be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. I should place principles of spiritually ahead of judging, fault finding and criticism. Sometimes it is harder said than done, but I have to keep my Faith that God will restore me to sanity.

I had to take alook at my self, begin another 4th Sept with my sponcer. 4 months ago I began theropy to help me with my insecurities & low self-esteem. It is working well,,,for me. I've also gone on Men's retreats to "recharge" my spiritually, find peace of mind & just get away.

I want to take this time and thank you for this post. Alot of the responces helped me tramendously, Thank you all!!!

I don't know that fear can be outgrown, maybe deemed less paralyzing for sure but I get what you mean. I know I need to go to more meetings and maybe even open my mouth as nervous as that makes me. From some reason, I am afraid of putting my foot in my mouth.

Thanks to all who answered this post. I learned something from each of you kind and thoughtful people!

God Bless!

You deserve to get your fair share in divorce court. Not giving in to your ex's unfair demands does not make you an A-hole. Divorce is a huge stressor, so take care of yourself and good luck!

#34. "I don't know that fear can be outgrown"

Experience tells me it can, that's how faith develops. Anyways, In many ways Action in the face of fear is even more powerful.

Seems to me you're a great member of this community Bob, I'm sure that goes for the meetings you attend also, whatever you're head tells you.

P

Thanks Paul!

Bob, becoming an 'ahole' will not help you to feel any better about this. When I got sober I signed up for a spiritual life so that I could have freedom from alcohol and have never looked back. I am the best person I can be in any given situation and when I am not, I make amends swiftly, that is not humiliating but humbling. I will do ANYTHING to maintain my recovery and that means spiritual in all of my life.

You souns like you are between the two - no wonder you want to drink. Look at your behaviour and concetrate on getting that right - far better than to be sitting at home gewtting resentful and feeling like drinking. Meetings only give temporary relief - in order to get release you need to sort out your step work - where are you with that?
I know this divorce is difficult but it doesn't have to be how it is now!

Bob, I PROMISE you that fear can be outgrown. That doesn't mena that we are never afraid but it does mean that I am only afraid when something frightening is happening and even then, once I recognise that is what is going on I am able to let it go!

Scouts honour!

Speaking of fear, I had a tragic accident in which I sawed my thumb off with my table saw. Couldn't believe I was so stupid and neglectful.

It was reattached but they don't know how much use I will have from it after it heals.

My biggest fear? I may never play guitar again! OMG!

I did not know you played guitar....so sorry about the thumb....maybe you could invent a special pick for yourself to use if the thumb is issue playing....just my $0.02
hugs bill