Dont you go to AA for fellowship with other sober people adding to social life?

No. I’ve attended a few online groups during college for an assignment but other than that my town is super small and I don’t think they have them here.

Good post. I can relate. I can also say that including people who aren't good influences on maintaining a sobriety is dangerous. I recently invited a friend from high school to come live with me thinking he might be helped by me going to AA and no longer needing to drink. The complete opposite has happened, it has had such a negative impact on me growing and feeling better that I am too "stuck" as you say. However, I know and have learned by going to AA, and giving my life and decisions over to the care of something greater than me that loves me whole heartedly that it will be alright, and a solution is down the road as long as I know drinking and no longer fighting to have my way is the right path. I am doing so so spiritually, and resentment is eating my lunch, I also have a very difficult job, on top of another very dysfunctional job, on top of a college degree program that is confusing, and depressing honestly. I say all of that to say, I can really relate to the being "stuck" admission you gave, and it's very painful, very confusing, and ultimately leads to a degree of anger I either implode from or shut down radically because of. I have found that surrendering, and just admitting to my self "we can't do this" helps tremendously, whenever I give up, God just seems to take the wheel, and all the bullshit stays bullshit, but I can sense there is a deeper power who understands and will save me from it all.

I did a similar ending of unhealthy ‘extras’ from my life. Now I look forward to my evening walks with a little yoga and meditation after. This ‘me’ time has changed me from the inside out. It’s also brought me closer to not feeling so separate from the bigger picture. Sub ek. All one. Remember that you can reach higher and grow more spiritually. This is one desire that should be present. Stay clear:) well done on 13 months!

I just think you need alot of support and AA is a great place to find it.

I live in a very small town where cows outnumber people, yet there are AA meetings everywhere and at all times of the day in either my little town or in nearby towns. If you google AA meetings for your zip code, I am sure you will find something nearby.

I remember my first meeting, I was scared to death to walk through the door. When I finally built up the courage to do so, It was the best decision I ever made. 12 years later, I have a great life and I have never been happier!

God Bless

I also live in a small town (pop 3500) and we have 3 meetings a week. (I used to attend 1-3 meeting/wk, but not anymore). So it is entirely possible that there is a meeting near you.

My "coping" mechanisms now include:

1) Acceptance - it is what it is and no amount of worry or stress will change the situation. I can however, with the help and guidance of a Higher Power, develop a plan to work through any situation. Because "this too shall pass."

2) Spiritual growth and fellowship - I attend Mass regularly, practice my faith, engage in spiritual fellowship and work to deepen and strengthen my relationship with God.

3) Physical activity and exercise - I have solved many a problem during the course of a long walk or hike, bike ride or yoga session. And these activities give me something to "look forward to" after work or when I need to "wind down." Plus, I just feel good when I get physical (endorphins and all).

4) Pursue my passions - In addition to exercise, I also enjoy gardening, cooking, reading (Victorian mysteries are my current fave genre) and my most recent passion - custom cookie decorating. When my mind is engaged by these passions, drinking is the last thing on my mind.

And when all else fails, knowing that I don't want to go from whence I came is enough to stave off the temptation to drink.

MariahB...Thank you for sharing. I am now sober and clean (I found pain killers after a 2002 surgery) for 10 1/2 years. I totally agree with the posts, above, referring to AA. I personally cannot do this without my meetings, four days a week. I would guess, and that is a guess, that there are AA meetings somewhat near you. I numbed out my feelings for 45 years, and I do at times find being an adult with feelings to be a tad difficult. But, for me, there is no going back, one day at a time. I am a fervent believer...I have not relapsed and I do not wish to try...of the saying I hear in my meetings: "It is a lot easier to stay sober than to get sober."

I’m sorry you are facing these challenges. I agree with the fellowship. But AA isn’t for everyone. I am grateful for the people I’ve met in meetings.

Mariah,

Any updates?

Ive been doing good @jeffneedshelp! Staying sober and actually enjoying what its bringing me. My choices of people and activities are a lot more positive and productive and it helped that I got out of an unhappy relationship and found my independence and strength again. I did have one drink on thanksgiving and it wasn't hard to have just one and not fall off completely. it did however give me that acidic feeling in my cheeks and reminded me of how uncomfortable something thats supposed to make you feel at ease really feels to me. I think it was strengthening to know that I could have one drink after all this time and not be tempted later on. most of all I don't want to and that feels good to have that control. How is everyone else doing?

I am (pleasantly) astounded that you had exactly one drink on Thanksgiving. I, personally, do not have a "just one" switch, for anything...one drink, one cookie, one Kit Kat, one bag of potato chips, one doughnut, one lottery scratch ticket, one cigarette, and so on. Actually, people who CAN have one of anything usually make me uncomfortable. MariahB...I would be shocked if you did not have AA meetings in your town or nearby. Did you try your state's AA site? It is as easy as Googling "name of state + AA + meetings."

I can relate to this. My first round of sobriety that I actually accumulated any amount of time worth mentioning was around a year and a half and the temptations started eating away at me. I thought maybe I could just drink casually... Maybe one or two once in awhile. I gave it a try and was so wrong and spent the next 2 years or so trying to get sober again.

It was quite a learning experience but I am 100% sure that I will always be an alcoholic and I can never drink any amount of alcohol again.

I'm so grateful I was able to get sober again and I am coming up on 3 years 3 months. Every day is a blessing and I don't want to waste any more days with booze.