The guilt is wearing off emotions are coming full circle. This time I gotta resist and ride this train out....

Whenever I think of the future, it's always negative based on fear of the unknown. Be careful about your brain trying to justify getting drunk. When I sobered up it wasn't pretty either but I was finally able to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem.

The mind is a powerful thing. When the what ifs intrude, refuse to entertain them and change your thoughts to positive things. It can be done.

Hi there, all that stressing is not helping you on this new journey but I'm afraid it often comes with the territory. I had thoughts (fear based and negative) running all over the place when I sobered up.

As an active alcoholic I made a number of poor choices but I was also blessed in ways I did not appreciate early on. I was told "First things first" concentrate on recovery then look at the bigger picture with a healthier mindset later on.

Develop unconditional love.

Fair enough. So what your saying is.They put up with my shit for this long. I owe them at least a whole hearted try. By the way divorce hasn't even entered my mind. And if it would it would be to save them from more misery.

Those "what iff's will" drive you to drink!

Just stay sober and the rest will take care of itself.

One day at a time!

Sounds like the makings of a great excuse to keep drinking.
Personally I drank for the first 12 years of my marriage, and have been sober the last almost 4. I didnt drink due to a failing marriage, nor could a wonderful marriage and three amazing children KEEP me sober.
The reality for this alcoholic is I drank. Period. I drank in good times, sad times, I drank in anger and in glee.
Yes I feel now, and that's new, and yes, my marriage is a real marriage with warts I have to face, but external stuff isnt why I drank and its not what keeps me sober.

You will never know "what if" unless you try. It hasn't been that long, has it? I seem to remember your post about doing some pretty bad things while you were drunk.

You need to give it a lot more time before you can start to answer these questions. Like maybe 6 months or a year sober. Then see where you are. Don't start formulating an excuse to go back to drinking because you MIGHT be "happier." I don't think even you buy that.

For now, stay the course.

Don't worry just rationalizing things, it's my process. Just having a bad day. Trust me staying the course

I had a problem of PROJECTING a lot early on. I was constantly making mental scenarios up in my head. I was told that projecting is a unhealthy thing and to stop.

Take care of yourself and amazing things will start to happen.

It gets better

1-2

I am going to be real honest here. First of all I do not think you are trying to think of an excuse to drink. Your fears are very real .. as for me I met my husband and we were both drinkers and partied a lot. His drinking never turned into a problem like mine. However now being sober for over a year I have a hard tine with intimacy. I can hardly remember having sex sober and to tell you the truth it feels dirty and awkward. So you have valid concerns. But nothing is to hard to handle and work through with a clear head and being. sober. Somethings are all just part of the being sober process. I can not tell you that once you no longer drink everything will be a bed of roses, no pun intended. :). But everything you face will be easier sober than drinking and the shame of it.

So, you'd rather be drunk and clueless???

Just don't drink and deal with whatever happens. It may get "worse" before it gets better, but that's just because you'll finally be aware of this stuff called reality.

@meblonde. I can so so SO relate to your post. Sober sex has been a bit of a tragedy for me. I guess sex has always been something I did wasted due to pretty significant trauma and abuse. Sigh. I'm hopeful I'll work through that too.......

I am thinking "One Day at a Time". Can you get through today and deal with not drinking, deal with the kids, your wife and life. How do you feel with what you accomplished that day. Let one day turn into two, and so on. Time will tell you what will come next and what you need to do. Lots of healing will happen for both you and your family.

What if sober the woman I married is an amazing person I did not appreciate. What if sober my life is more amazing than I ever thought imaginable possible. What if sober my three children were the most special people in life. What if sober I find I found contentment.
What if whilst drinking I missed all this.

When I put the grog down this is what I found

G8