^^ held me back :)

P

OK one more...

http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/andrewmcfbrown/100007736/why-do-oxford-university-students-commit-suicide/

You are not alone, there is a huge correlation between people from high pressure/achievement-based backgrounds and suicide due to perceived failure or inability to cope.

Booze took me to some incredibly dark places but as long as I felt I could work and present that front of ok-ness to the outside world I continued. I kid you not, when I lost a job for the first time at 30, I truly thought my world was over...like chicken-licken with the sky falling in. It's truly incredible to me today to see how often that feeling of 'No Way Out' really means 'Not way to get out and save face' or 'No way to succeed '

It is truly truly messed up that I or anyone else should see death as preferable to failure but that's what I think it boiled down to for me.

P

Lemon, I had to make a decision on whether I wanted to save face or save my ass.

Almost everybody who has posted is a testament that it IS possible to stop drinking and stay stopped. Don't you know that most if not all of us were terrified when we decided that alcohol no longer worked?

I got and have stayed sober through Alcoholics Anonymous. My knees were knocking when I walked into my first meeting. When they shared, I felt hope for the first time ever. I thought I was the only drunk but these people had been there, done that.

There is no higher high than feeling hope. I never walked out of a meeting feeling worse than when I walked in.

The argument that you can't do this is a wash. You CAN do this. Just keep hanging with us until you feel like meeting others you can talk to.

Ohhh Lemon! Now I apologize for not responding to this post earlier and adding my support!

What you are suggesting is a permanent solution to a temporary problem!

I am sure we all have had days when we have felt the same way. I remember being in the hospital with renal failure from a drug overdose and doctors worked hard to save my life. I really didn't see much sense in their trying so hard because I honestly didn't care if I lived or died.

My marriage was failing, my job was in jeapordy, I was so far in debt that I had no choice but to file bankruptcy....then I quit my job which was a big mistake because the job I left it for only lasted 3 months before I was let go. I couldn't find employment because nobody wanted to take a chance on a 54 year old man with a bad back and limited abilities.....at about the same time period, my dad died in a freak accident at my house when he slipped and fell on my back steps and broke his neck and lived just long enough for me to say goodbye to him. I blamed myself because I built those steps. I thought I could have made them safer........the list goes on and on.....


That was 7 plus years ago. I began doing the 12 steps looking for a way to make sense of it all and I found my answer.

Today, I continue to live my life by the 12 steps and I have never been happier!

If you are an AA member then I strongly recommend getting a sponser and doing the steps if not then there is a good book you can read called "The 12 steps for everyone who really wants them" which is the AA 12 steps adapted for EHA (Emotional Health Anonymous. I am willing to send you a copy for free if you trust me with your address, if not, you can purchase this book, used, on Amazon for a couple of bucks.

I consider it a miracle that I hit that "low" because it forced me pay attention to the spiritual part of myself which I had been neglecting for so long. I discovered my spiritual being is a source of amazing happiness and contentment! The 12 steps of AA saved my life`and I will be forever grateful!

God Bless!