Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
This is my boyfriend's week to have his daughter. I adore that little girl. I love her just as much as if she was my own child. I had to work today so he asked if he could drive me and keep my car so he could go to his mother's and get her some clothes and her bed. He recently moved in with me, so he didn't have that stuff. I said, sure.
I know he has a drinking problem. I've been trying to help him with it. I've been trying to be supportive. I have never known him to drink when he's had his daughter. So I didn't even suspect that he would. I get off work and he's waiting outside. My boss had gone out before me and took my car keys away from him. He was drunk. I don't know what he did to draw my boss's attention to him. I'll deal with that tomorrow.
I was beyond furious. I have never been so angry in my life. I can't picture him every drinking and driving with that precious child in the car. I don't know for sure that he did - it is possible that he sat in the parking lot and got drunk and was sober when he drove to pick me up. I don't know and I'm not going to believe what he says.
I called his mother. She's picking his daughter up tomorrow. I'm telling him to get out. I'm telling him we're through. I told his mother about this. I'm going to tell him that he can call me if he gets sober and stays sober but I don't want to hear from him otherwise.
He will no longer have access to any vehicle. He can't be trusted.
I love him. I truly do. That's why I'm doing this. If he really loves me, he'll do the work to get sober. If not - well, I won't watch him go down that road. I told his mother that I will still be available to babysit anytime I'm not at work and I want to spend time with her. She's on board - she knows the child likes me and wants to see me. I don't want to remove myself from her life.
I'm sitting here crying, dreading what I'm going to have to do tomorrow. But I have to. I have to be strong.
Am I doing the right thing?
I know he has a drinking problem. I've been trying to help him with it. I've been trying to be supportive. I have never known him to drink when he's had his daughter. So I didn't even suspect that he would. I get off work and he's waiting outside. My boss had gone out before me and took my car keys away from him. He was drunk. I don't know what he did to draw my boss's attention to him. I'll deal with that tomorrow.
I was beyond furious. I have never been so angry in my life. I can't picture him every drinking and driving with that precious child in the car. I don't know for sure that he did - it is possible that he sat in the parking lot and got drunk and was sober when he drove to pick me up. I don't know and I'm not going to believe what he says.
I called his mother. She's picking his daughter up tomorrow. I'm telling him to get out. I'm telling him we're through. I told his mother about this. I'm going to tell him that he can call me if he gets sober and stays sober but I don't want to hear from him otherwise.
He will no longer have access to any vehicle. He can't be trusted.
I love him. I truly do. That's why I'm doing this. If he really loves me, he'll do the work to get sober. If not - well, I won't watch him go down that road. I told his mother that I will still be available to babysit anytime I'm not at work and I want to spend time with her. She's on board - she knows the child likes me and wants to see me. I don't want to remove myself from her life.
I'm sitting here crying, dreading what I'm going to have to do tomorrow. But I have to. I have to be strong.
Am I doing the right thing?
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
The best suggestion I can make is to follow your gut feeling.
Much depends on the nature of your boyfriends drinking problem. If he is someone who drinks too much now and again and acts irresponsibly as a result he may be easily motivated to change his ways. If on the other hand, his problem runs deeper as I suspect, it may be a harder battle.
In my opinion you are doing the right thing in asking your boyfriend to move out. If he is an alcoholic or potential alcoholic, enabling him to continue drinking would be detrimental to the well-being of all concerned. You can still support him while staying detached from his behaviour. It is likely that your boyfriend does not understand the nature of his problem and he may be unaware of the reasons why he is struggling with alcohol. You could encourage him to attend some AA meetings where he can learn about alcoholism and a solution to the problem.
If your boyfriend is an alcoholic, there are two possible outcomes. He may keep denying that he has a problem, in which case his life will of necessity be based on lies and deceit in order to try and conceal the problem. His drinking will get worse and his promises will mean nothing. Alternatively, he may face up to the problem, accept that he cannot drink again and seek help in order to live a sober life.
You are to be commended for your clear headed attitude and strong will. Stay strong and stick to what your intuition is telling you. It is painful now but you could be saving yourself a lot more pain in the future.
You are not alone, you are one of many who come here searching for answers when their loved one's drinking gets out of hand. Stay stong in your convictions even if it hurts because something good is bound to come out of this.
Keep us posted because your actions, if successful, could help someone else who is going through the same thing.
We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.
God Bless!
Best
1is2many
I dread having to face my boss. I still don't know what happened last night.
Well done for staying strong and doing the right thing.
Your boss will probably understand and you can also update him on the latest developments. Put your head down and do your work well, put this episode in the past and your job should not suffer. It was a big step for your ex to admit that he is an alcoholic and I hope that he will now go further and seek treatment. His reaction to breaking up is likely to be completely genuine as are any promises that he makes to address his problem. The trouble is that alcoholism is such a strong force that many sincere promises get broken. Judge him by his actions.
You displayed an incredible amount of courage with the way you handled the situation. Not many women could have summoned up the emotional strength to kick him out until such time as he can prove himself sober and responsible once again!
You deserve alot of credit. Most women would have continued to live under such conditions. You are one in one hundred!
God Bless!
There aren't an local al anon groups here. The closest one is a 4 hour drive away.
I see in another thread that you were enquiring about sponsorship so I will try to answer some of your questions.
In AA, a sponsor is meant to be someone who helps new people through the Twelve Step programme of recovery. This person would have gone through the Steps themselves, would hopefully have a good knowledge of the Big Book, where a guide to the steps is recorded in great detail and would also be trying to live by the suggested principles. In practice, a sponsor can be many things these days but the original intention was to pass on the message in the Big Book.
People usually find a sponsor by going to various AA meetings and listening to people who share about recovery from alcoholism. Therefore, your first suggestion to your boyfriend could be that he attends some AA meetings. After that he could take a little time to find his way around and eventually find a sponsor.
I love what you said about being addicted to reading that is one addiction that I would welcome any day. I think that you would find the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous) to be of interest. The BB suggests a way of living that is useful to all people, not just alcoholics.
One last thing about sponsorship. It is not always the old timers who make the best sponsors and someone who had just completed the Steps can be as good as or better than one who has years of sobriety. Listening rather than looking is important when seeking a sponsor. A guy could preach a great programme but be nasty to other people, in other words he can talk the talk but not walk the walk. Kindness and tolerance towards others is a good guide as to whether someone is genuine or just another imposter.
God Bless!
I am an alcoholic that once had a wife and kids. My wife wasn't too swift about addictions, and I did do all the things that you fear your boyfriend will do. Alcoholics that are still using do lie. We do crazy things that hurt all the people around us. We don't mean to, but we do. If my wife would have given me this same ultimatum, it deffinetly would have saved everyone so much heartache, had I followed through on my part. Instead everything ended up a complete disaster with scars that can never heal.
I'm only finding my help through A.A. I hope that your boyfriend does find the help he needs for everyone's sake. Wish you all the best. James
I keep praying that this helps him, even if it hurts us both for right now. I want us to be together and be a family. I think this is the wake up call that he needed. He's devastated over what he did. He 's beating himself up over putting his daughter in danger. I know he means it when he says he wants to get sober. He means it right now. I just want him to keep meaning it.
How long will he have to be sober before I can trust him again? I want him back. I don't know what I'm doing. All he has to do is not screw up.
You know him better that we do and I pray you make the right decision.
God Bless!