Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

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Living a lie

bbarton6161
bbarton6161
I met a lady at AA meeting and we ended up having an affair. That was a big mistake. The affair lasted for several weeks. At 1st all was okay then she said she wanted to drink a couple of beers one night while we were out. I really didn't want to mess up my sobriety but thought okay just a couple and no more. Then we started skipping meetings and drinking. I go because I want to she has to go as part of her probation. I open and chair several meetings that I go to so I would just sign her paper. I felt really guilty about this but was caught up in something that I didn't know how to get out of.
I finally confessed to my sponsor and at a meeting leaving her name out of it. She was very pissed at me but was the best thing I could have done. I am married and was living a double life that was wearing me out. Now I am clean and sober again. As of 10/23/14 I am back on track.
Barry
Impermanence
Impermanence
Everyone in AA is there because they have a problem, . Don't surround yourself with problem people. Meet women outside of AA.
abshoefreakshow
abshoefreakshow
Did you tell your Partner that you had an affair? U were at an AA meeting and then decided to have a couple beers while you were out? The great thing about this support site is that you can say anything and come clean. I hope you feel better that you let it out. Glad that you are back on track...
bbarton6161
bbarton6161
No didn't tell her it would not help to hurt her.
Barry
kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
You should probably go get tested for STDs. You owe that to your wife.
bbarton6161
bbarton6161
Already have
Barry
abshoefreakshow
abshoefreakshow
If I was in your situation, I would find a new AA group.
I also would have so much guilt, that I would have to tell my Partner. Does this lady that you had an affair with, have more feelings for you other than a night of 'fun'? I would tell this lady that you are done with her. (the lady that you had an affair with).
bbarton6161
bbarton6161
Yes we had a nasty breakup turns out she has a lot of mental issuesBarry
bbarton6161
bbarton6161
And she no longer goes to the groups that I go to.
BB
meblonde
meblonde
Can't be honest in your life or anything unless you admit your wrong even with your affair. I don't do AA. But isn't there something in there about that. And if not chances are she will end up finding out anyway. They usually do. And it is better to hear it from you then to find out else where.
abshoefreakshow
abshoefreakshow
I do believe that at times 'what you don't know won't hurt you'. In this situation, not only are you hurting your wife, you are hurting yourself. Sooner or later, she will find out. It may trigger you to want to drink, it may not. I would tell her. I would tell my Partner, I would feel so guilty, I would have to tell on myself. Again, I am not trying to upset U...
gr8ful2b
gr8ful2b
Barry, never ever ever tell your wife. We do not have the right to cause harm in order to feel better or recover. Strive to stay sober and be the husband she deserves.

We never recover on the backs of the ones we have caused harm to.

Please read the 9th Step. "Made direct amends to such people, wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.'

Get busy my friend and do the work. Hugs, Dianna
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
Barry, you don't need to tell your wife. You told your sponser and us here. Your conscious should be clear.

Remember step nine!

God Bless!
abshoefreakshow
abshoefreakshow
Maybe I initally gave the wrong advice... Barry, don't tell her. You came clean here. Don't want to disrupt the wife... My bad... Sorry...
Community LeaderExJerseyGirl2
ExJerseyGirl2
Telling your wife about your affair is a decision you have to make. Is it fair to your wife to keep this from her? Does she deserve to hear the truth, even if it is painful? if your relationship is built on honesty, then not telling is hurtful to the foundation of the relationship. But if you think it will only be hurtful and not help the two of you grow together, then there is no point in saying anything.

Glad you are back on track.
gr8ful2b
gr8ful2b
No biggie Abshoe. How are ya? Well, I hope.

Barry, I made many drunken blunders. When I went to him to make amends, I told him that I hadn't been as good a wife as he deserved but from here on out would work towards being the the one he deserves.

Bob, hi! Barry needs to get with his sponsor and work the steps (in order). Have you ever written out a sex inventory? If you haven't, please do when you're working on your 4th Step.
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