It is terrifying to have to change your cultural habits and in some cases, friends. I also waffled in my decision to really commit to sobriety until I had to admit that I couldn’t do it alone.; that when left to my own devices, I couldn’t successfully stay sober. This is essentially the first step of AA, admitting that you’re powerless over alcohol and life has become unmanageable. Most of us continue the cycle of relapsing until we come to terms with this reality and begin the work of recovery. And during this recovery process, as you begin to resuscitate your true self, all the sacrifices made now will be forgotten in the joy of finding your long lost serenity. I promise.

I kinda knew what was going to happen before it happened. It's not a good idea to be anywhere near alcohol so soon into sobriety. It's a huge trigger.
I imagined what I would have done had I been there and I said to myself, "Oh hell, I'll get drunk tonight and quit tomorrow." In fact, I did just that hundreds of times until I hit my low. Then I knew I needed help because I couldn't do it alone. So I drove myself to the ER and asked for help. I spent 4 days in detox followed by a 3 week IOP, followed by 3 months of counseling. Throughout all the treatment I had, regular attendance at AA meetings were mandatory.......That was 9 years ago. Today I have a great life and I have never been happier..

You have alot of courage to come back here and tell us about your mistaken thinking. I hope you don't relapse a couple hundred more times like I did and get to the point where you don't want to live anymore because your life is so screwed up before you seek help.

I had to be willing to do everything it took to stay sober, and I did it. I am glad I did because I now have a life second to none!

God Bless

I didn't want to be different from everybody else... but I was. I needed alcohol to feel a part of. But I always overdid it. I'd drink too much and make an as out of myself and then I would need to drink again to not feel the shame and guilt. It was a viscous circle.

It took me finding some other recovered alcoholics and asking them how I could get by in Life without the booze. I found I can be happy thru having a program of AA in place. I deal with the inferiority and the feelings that made me booze so hard.

Life is waiting, cmon!

1is2many

The important thing to remember is that if your friends are REALLY your friends, they would understand your reasoning for not going. My friends birthday is coming up and they are all going out to a bar and I explained to them chances are, I will not be going because I don't want to be put in a situation where I might drink. Whilst disappointed, they understood.
I understand you might feel some guilt about not attending a friends birthday party but you need to ask yourself if that will be worse than the guilt you'll feel after attending these things and drinking? If there even the slightest hint of "I don't think I'm strong enough to go and not drink" then don't go! If you're friends don't understand or aren't supportive, then as harsh as it may seem, you need to question how good a friend they are.

The good thing is because of the events that occurred that night, everyone who I'm close to now knows that I have a problem. My dad is completely on board with my therapy and my parents even want to get involved if I want them to in the process. My friends are going to spend more time planning things without booze. I think the first step was really admitting that I was an alcoholic which I did the following day after drinking five shots and twenty something beers. I embarrassed my family, my friends, I look like a horrible role model to my sister. I messed up, but I refuse to let that happen again. Every time I think of drinking I'm going to think of that night--of all the nights I did something stupid on account of drinking.

My first AA meeting is Friday at 8PM. I'm terrified but I know I have to do whatever it takes to get better.

Thank you all again for the advice, I really do appreciate it. It feels good knowing there are people out there who truly understand what I am going through right now. ❤️

Hello Moondreamer1988,

You can certainly do it, if you really want to.

While many alcoholics do indeed relapse, that is certainly not the case with everyone and I would suggest that you approach this with the attitude that you are going to succeed rather than relapse.

It is natural to be nervous about going to AA meetings but if you can push yourself to get out of the comfort zone, it will be well worth the effort. One thing that I recall about the first meeting is that I arrived at the place as a person who had lost all hope for the future and left with at least a glimmer of hope.

It is good to arrive early, maybe twenty minutes before the start of the meeting. That will give you a chance to introduce yourself and talk informally to other members. While the men at the meetings are not your enemies, it is better to stick with the ladies, at the start at least. There are no rules as such in AA, so you don’t have to do or say anything. However, in order to get the full benefit, it is advisable to push yourself to talk a little (share). This can be difficult at the start but the more that you do it, the easier it gets. It is also good to get to different meetings in or around your area as you will find that you like some meetings more than others.

In early sobriety, it is advisable to stay away from events where alcohol is served. However, if you avail of the help that is on offer through AA, you will come to a time when you can attend such events, where appropriate, without fear of being tempted to drink. Although being sober may seem like a life sentence right now, you will find that it is actually the opposite, and that you will soon have the freedom to enjoy many things that you cannot do at present.

One thing that I would suggest is to not look too far ahead to upcoming social events, holidays, etc. Concentrate on TODAY and leave tomorrow until later. You will find that your thinking will have changed in a big way by the time some of those upcoming events arrive. Not drinking or going to places where alcohol is served will feel like a great loss right now, but that is because you cannot see the other side of the coin. You will find that getting sober opens up a whole new world and rather than losing something, you will be gaining a huge amount.

Good luck on your journey and make sure that you get to that meeting on Friday - it will be fine.

Thank you so much PJ, that is really amazing advice. I definitely agree that I should be thinking about today rather than future events. That's a problem I have that I'm constantly thinking about the future instead of thinking about right now. I'm really nervous about the meeting but it's an open meeting so I can get a feel of it without feeling pressured to speak. That's a great idea to get there early to talk to some people. I will definitely do that! I'm really nervous but I know this Is really going to help.

Everyone is nervous, or scared or ashamed their first meeting. Don’t let that stop you from going. As an alcoholic we rationalize our behavior and if your anything like me once you give in to that first drink you may as well have 7 more. For me it was learning not one sip not one drink ever again. I have my days when I think about it, but I am coming up on 2 years and I wouldn’t want to lose the progress I have made. All the best!

Thank you! Yeah, I've accepted the fact that I will never be able to have one drink. Once I have one I keep going until I pass out. I'm definitely going to go this Friday although I'm really scared. Two years is amazing, congrats!!

Every single person at that meeting has been where you are now, and they totally understand! I am sure your first meeting will go well. Don't forget to walk up front and get your first chip! Here, it's called the 24 hour honesty chip which marks your time in sobriety. I am sure, it will be your first of many until you get your one year certificate and they throw you a big party with cake and coffee!
You will make lots of new sober friends!

God Bless

Thank you, Bob, that helps lessen my anxiety about going. The one I'm going to in an Open Meeting so I don't think there will be much pressure to speak. I heard that after that I can find out about closed meetings. I'm just happy that I'm actually going. And of course grateful that I'm finally in therapy.

If you are not comfortable speaking at my meeting it is perfectly acceptable to just pass. My group alternates from the big book to open, but we go around the table. Every group works differently

Oh ok! Yeah, I definitely want to get a feel for everything before I speak. I'm also terrified of public speaking. Haha

Hello Moondreamer1988,

One of the great things about AA is that there are no bosses or anybody to tell you what you must do – it is entirely up to yourself.

Therefore, you don’t have to speak unless you want to, but pushing yourself to get out of the comfort zone can bring progress and rewards. At the first meeting that I went to, I could barely say my own name and at the second meeting I honesty wasn’t even sure what my name was anymore. By the third meeting, I wrote down what I wanted to say and read it out because that was the only way I could do it.

When speaking in public, I would start to stutter, get red faced and sweaty and couldn’t remember what I wanted to say. But, I kept with it, even though I didn’t have anything sensible to say at times. The result is that today, I can easily chair large meetings and it comes naturally, without fear or embarrassment.

The point that I am making is that if you push yourself to get involved rather than sitting quietly in the corner, you will find that a lot of things get easier with practice. That said, it is completely up to you, so do whatever you think best suits yourself.

Listening is probably more important than speaking so keep the ears and the mind open and enjoy the experience.

Thank you, PJ. I definitely want to open up as much as I can, I know at first I might stay quiet just because it's a new environment but I'm open to doing whatever I can to keep my sobriety.

Also thank you to everyone who has commented and given me advice. It really has helped lessen my anxiety and fear about getting sober. I don't really have anyone in my personal life who understands or knows how to help me so I truly appreciate all of you!!