Hi Rich -- We're here for you and it is real truth for you to come here and share when you relapse. That takes as much strength sometimes as not picking up in the first place. I can only share my story and with only 4 months w/out a drink, but only 1 month truly sober (i.e. "other substances"). For me, boredom and laziness played a huge part in taking me from a daily drinker in the evening (a glass or two of wine) to a daily (yet mostly secretive), alcoholic drinker. I have been on auto-pilot with my career for the past 10 years and really stopped striving. Couple that with having a home office and only needing to go into the main office once a month or so and it became a matter of time really for me to get to an alcoholic stage in my 30 year drinking journey. I am a fairly outgoing and funny person but I never got out to meet a lot of other people in my community and pretty much just stuck to a few neighbor friends, which further fueled my boredom. I took up no outside interests or clubs. Golfing 3 times a year is not an outside, social hobby. I needed to not only stop drinking (obviously) but I needed to get back into LIVING and for the first time ever, praying to my higher power.

My best days are when I am asking for guidance from my higher power, doing the next right thing, doing kind things for my wife and kids and co-workers and plain old just getting stuff done!!

That is when I have some semblance of grace and serenity and am living as my best, true self.

Regular exercising was also a big help as it got my endorphins running in a healthy way and after a few weeks, you start to get addicted to something much more positive for your body. I haven't been as consistent with that in the past 30 days but I still at least do my pushups and situps every day and I will get back to regular exercising.

Don't know if you go to AA meetings, but most of all, those rooms saved my life and continue to do so. I try to go every day but manage about 5-6 meetings a week.

Keep working at it brother!!! Walking with you, PG

Hey PG --

Thanks for the response.

I can really relate to your situation. I too work from home. My wife has been out of work for a bit although we think a job offer is on the horizon for her.

I think boredom is a big factor. I have a routine where I work and then "leave" work (i.e. my home office) and pour a glass of wine and sit on the couch and look at my Android tablet and read the news, play some games. Then we eat dinner, go back to the couch and watch TV. My wife inevitably falls asleep because she gets up much earlier than I do (although I'm sure the wine she drinks helps put her to sleep as well). Then I'm on the couch, either watching something stupid on TV or playing mindless games on my tablet until I drink too much and fall asleep myself.

At one point I had made a list of things I could work on at night so as to not continue the routine described above but that hasn't panned out, mostly because a lot of the things on the list relate to being back at my desk / computer and I don't want to do that after being there all day working.

I had a brief period of sobriety where I was getting up early and taking our dog for a walk and then going to work.

I'm also hoping that my wife gets the new job because it will change our routine - she will be out of the house and so I will probably work slightly longer days since she will get home around 5:30.

Also I can cook dinner since she won't be home doing that and being in the kitchen will help break up my old routine

But I need to make these changes NOW so if she doesn't get the job I'm still making my life better.

Rich

Hey Rich, Glad you're back on DS. First off, you f****d up, we all do! Stop kicking yourself for it. Instead, be your own Best Friend. You need you right now, more than ever! You might want to consider some drastic changes in your life, at least for the time being. The only way you'll get away from the booze is if you get it away from YOU. Clear out every scrap of alcohol in the house, basement, car, tool shed. If this inconveniences your wife's privileges for a while, ask her to make this sacrifice for your, and your family's, benefit. All of this "convenience" of booze on hand for your wife and a work-at- home office for you is fueling both your distorted sense of entitlement and your boredom with daily life. You drink because "its something to do" that falsely appears to bring a sense of joy, relief, fun. All booze does is release dopamine into your bloodstream. Any pleasurable, non-harmful activity could do the same thing. Life can be "convenient" for you later, after you've kicked the habit. Try to find a way to do your office work outside of home. Rent a small office someplace. Or, when it warms up, get a laptop and work at the dog park while Fido is playing. When its time to "leave" work, take the dog home and go to an AA meeting everyday, then come back home in time to prepare dinner before your wife returns. Time wasted over 'stupid TV' and 'mindless games' could be spent volunteering at the hospital or homeless shelter. You've slid into this pit "the Easy Way", for you, there will be no easy way out of it. You look like you're tough enough to beat this addiction to a pulp! Well?

Thanks for your feedback.

I've written a letter to my wife re-stating my desire to stop drinking and asking her to help me by stopping drinking with me for a while and removing all the booze from the house.

I've also made a list of things I can do to change my routine - setting an alarm to wake up and go to bed, reading, taking the dog for walks, cooking for my wife and I, etc.

I know that my wife is skeptical because I've told her many times that I would stop drinking but this is the first time I've really asked for her help instead of just saying and believing I could do it on my own.

I also found a list I had written a long time ago about why I was choosing to stop drinking so I printed that out again and put a copy in our bedroom and a copy in my office. This is the list

I choose not to drink because

I cannot moderate the amount I consume
I make bad decisions
I forget things Ive done or said
I feel bad the next day for the things Ive done or said
I physically feel bad the next day
I feel more anxious the next day
Combining alcohol and medication is dangerous
I want to live a healthier life
I want to be in control - not have alcohol control me
I dont want to risk losing my wife

The biggest thing for me is getting the booze out of the house. Looking back, I realize that when I was single I never had any alcohol in my home and I would drink some when I went out, although at some point I know that "some" became "too much"

I go to therapy weekly because I suffer from anxiety attacks and today is my day for therapy so I'm going to finally talk to my therapist about my drinking. This will also be the first time I've talked to him about it and I will ask him to also help me in my effort to stop.

The thing I've struggled with in the past is if I should tell others that I've quit drinking. Part of me feels like doing so will help me to be strong and not tempted to drink when I'm out but part of me feels like telling others will add more pressure. Any thoughts on that?

Rich

Hello Rich,

It was not enough for me to be told that I could not have one or two drinks. I had to know the exact reasons for that and once I knew, I had to decide whether to continue to fight a battle that I was doomed to lose or if I would accept reality and do whatever it took to get sober. I keep posting the link below because it explains it very well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pVBDQPC2XQ

Watch the video Rich. Then you can tell us if we should be thinking about nice things to post about you when you are gone or if it will be a case of well done on your sobriety birthday.

I drank like I did for only ONE reason I had become obsessed with alcohol and had a craving for more. You ask what is wrong with you and it is exactly the same thing that was wrong with me.

My telephone number would not be of much use to you as I live thousands of miles away but you are welcome to send a Private Message at any time.

Rich can you surrender?

Can you give AA a try? It's been killing me to see your struggle the last few months.

But it's the same story. And it's not easy. But it can work for you.

How have I gotten over that hump? I didnt. I let go. i totally gave up and stopped thinking I was different; or could figure this shit out. I've struggled with addiction and alcoholism my entire life. I kept looking for an out. there isnt one. I had to walk into it and through it. Once I did; I was able to gain some sanity. I keep it by going to AA meetings; talking to other alcoholics; and working the program into my life in every way I can. I know I can't drink socially and when I'm honest; I never did. Not once.
So if you are ready to surrender; you will. If you aren't you will continue to look for shortcuts, loop holes and that "one" illusive drink.

I haven't got much to add except that I'm right were you are and, my god, it's so hard. I know I drink because of my mental health issues (it's always been my way of coping, not that it helps of course) and because I despise myself. Trying to care about myself enough to actually stop killing myself with alcohol is my biggest struggle.

I hope you feel better soon and be gentle with yourself; we're going to screw up sometimes, it's the nature of the beast =/

I feel like today was an important day because I asked my wife to help me and because I talked to my therapist about my drinking.

He made a lot of the same suggestions you have all made about changing the routine(s) that lead to drinking and finding better things to do with my time other than sitting in front of the TV.

There are many books I've said I want to read and I also like to write so those are two things off the bat, plus the always projects around the house.

Rich

I drank because alcohol solved my problems. But when I couldn't deal with life, I became to rely on booze to live. I in turn was killing myself with what I considered my medicine.

The dragon was eating it's tail and if I didn't stop I would consume myself up

I had to stop asking why and just take the bit and not start. It is possible but there must be something to replace the booze or it just won't work

Good luck

1-2

I'd start with the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Rich, congratulations on including your wife and therapist for help. I hope it helps you with finding some real progress.

I found out the hard way that I had to make changes. That I needed to reintroduce myself to me. I was so afraid that I wouldn't like what I found. But today I can say that I am happy with my new life.

Good luck

I would definitely start with telling your counsellor about your drinking. I know therapy has worked wonders for me but I had to get honest and actually do the work she required of me. Please don't take this question the wrong way but how is that you've been seeing a counsellor and the topic of your drinking is yet to come up? Just curious as it seems to be a real issue and one of the main things she/he could help you with.
Good luck!
Jen

I think you drink because of your anxiety and until you get that under control, you will remain on that same, endless downward spiral of chronic alcoholism.

If I were you, I would talk to my doctor about my anxiety and my drinking. He will put 2 and 2 together and know instantly what to prescribe.

Good Luck

Hi

I've been going to therapy because of my anxiety. The anxiety started in 2003 but my excess drinking started in 2008 and so I'm confident the two are not related.

In fact, drinking makes me feel more anxious thr next day which is one of the many reasons I want to stop.

Rich