The cases I have come across, "fear" was always the bitter root of why addiction even started. And it was the underlining factor in every encounter of painful event that kept addictions going.

AV - see your point about having to be calmer in order to look at things but still dont see the finite amount of feelings to "let out" principle.

Please if possible could you stop making judgements about me when you reply to my posts. You have no idea about me and my experiences so therefore no basis for a judgement like "yours were not severe enough to know the difference". This isnt the first time you have made such judgements and comparisons and I find it pretty insulting. Please feel free to ask me questions as i am happy to share about any of my experiences but dont assume you know them before you have even asked.

Bob,

Sometimes I get feelings like anger, resentment, etc., that bubble up and I am able to use breath and focus to find some peace. Finding my center in the moment. Sometimes I can't, and I need time and distance to straighten me out -- a walk or a phone call. Something to get out of my own head so I can let go of the negative emotions and refocus on the positive.

And that's ok if you don't see it. Sometimes people do not even experience the blown up like a balloon amount of emotions (especially rage) until "after" they start doing rage reduction. Then the overloaded emotions will begin to start surfacing on their own. Sometimes they need a little nudge to get started coming out. That's why it is important to be able to recogonize what stage someone is already in so they do not get the idea, that letting their "enormously overloaded blown up like an balloon" emotions out, is not necessary for them to do. When actually, it is the "most important" thing to do to "reverse any addiction". And yes, I did say "reverse" an addiction. But I wont go any further into that one. You guys would never believe me. So I'll just stop with that here.

You're right, I did make a judgement and I apologize. Sometimes I slip up with that, but really not to often.

I actually suffer from borderline personality disorder otherwise known as emotionally unstable personality disorder. One of the symptoms is huge bursts of emotion. I generally tend to be very emotionally repressed for a period and then have huge emotional outbursts where i become hysterical with all sorts of emotions.

So really it was pretty funny in a way that you thought I might not have experienced an eruption of emotions!!

I have found that my outbursts have become less often and less severe but I attribute that to the fact that I have done a lot of work on change and on understanding myself and my emotions. Plus spiritual growth which has lead to a huge change.

Sorry forgot to say thank you for the apology - it is accepted.

Nicky,
I think you make a good point in your reply #12. When I feel a negative emotion, I think it helps if I can ask myself -- when have a felt this way before? What's behind it? What's the "chain?" (The experiences that chain back in my past that the feeling is attached to.) Just by looking at it and understanding its root, I have started the process of letting go.

It is a bit like dealing with cravings for the first month or two. A craving would hit, and I would take it out like a heavy stone in my pocket, and examine it, turn it over, test its weight, then toss it away.

reply #21 nicky180, Your welcome. Thank u for accepting it.

So, what I am hearing is that negaitive emotions cause shame that make us want to punish ourselves in some way shape or form. We become our own judge and jury so to speak.

So, when do we decide we have suffered enough or how do we decide not to punish ourselves, i.e. letting go?

I think I need to do the steps again!

Hi Bob, I appreciate your question as I have been facing quite a bit of anxiety and negative feelings lately. Just posting this is helping me!
Unfortunately I can't really burden my sponsor right now because her health is so fragile and I don't want to add to any possible stress.

I actually am beginning to work on 10 & 11 so decided I would make a REAL commitment to spending just 10 minutes first and last thing to have some quiet meditation and readings. It is helping, during the day as I'm watching the market tank and feelings of distress over macroeconomic conditions bubble up I try to again quietly decide what I can do and what is beyond my control. I leave what is beyond my control to the higher powers that be and tend to my garden or go play tennis. At least I can control the weed population :D

Its hard. Sometimes its day by day and other times minute by minute. Thanks again for the opportunity to talk.

Bob, you may want to do the Steps again and if you think that is right for you, it will certainly do no harm.

I do 10,11,12 on a daily basis.

Personally I do not think it is a case of deciding when I have suffered enough. I incorporate those Steps every day, even when I am feeling great.

The reason I do them is to stay in fit spiritual condition and I have to look at my behaviour, how it affects others rather than me and to pray and meditate to see if my daily actions are in line with what I understand to be God's will for me. How how am I helping others? How am I doing with working with other alcoholics etc. Are any of my defects of character apparent? Are my motives good?

When my thoughts and actions are on a plane of spiritual growth, my feelings are happier and more serene than anything I could have engineered with "just me" in mind. Feeling good is a natural consequence of living a better and more purposeful and selfless life.

Poobear, could you not get another temporary sponsor to help you if your own is not as available as you would like?

If her health problems are long term, maybe find another sponsor? It is not a case of letting down the sponsor you have, you can still stay friends but you need to have someone you don't feel guilty about contacting.

Perhaps you could have a chat with her about that?

Gailly I don't want to get too off topic or hijack bob's thread but I have given it some thought. Its a bit crazy but right now in some way I feel her having a sponsee is keeping her alive and it would be bad kharma to find someone else. She has stage 4 lung cancer and probably not a whole lot of time left. Diagnosed last year it had already gone into the bones and recently spread into the spine and I think a kidney...prognosis is poor to say the least.

Having said that miracles do happen. That is the main reason I've taken so long on the steps. After the last set back I have waited a couple of months for her to get stable before (hopefully) finishing. I can and do talk to others, I also use DS to vent and listen so for now its OK. I guess I just can't bring myself to even look for another sponsor because, in a way, its giving up on HER very life.

Poobear, I am so sorry to hear that your sponsor is terminally ill and I can understand the sentiment behind what you are saying.

Of course you must do what you think is best, I am glad you have other means of AA support through this difficult time.

bobinmaine #24, "negaitive emotions cause shame", is not quite right.
Negative emotions do not "cause" shame. Shame "IS" one of the negative emotions. When a negative emotion like "shame" is blown up like a balloon (when it's not suppose to be), (picture a balloon blown up with the name "shame" written on it)", When this balloon of "shame" is combined and mixed with "deserving issues" that are not resolved, this is what makes us want to and succeed in punishing and sabataging ourselves.
The solution is to "remove" all of the air from the balloon (which is done thru "rage reduction") In the end, the "shame balloon" will still be there, it'll just be empty, like it's suppose to be. That way, when you retrieve from your mind all the reasons why you feel you don't deserve to "feel good". There will be no shame emotion in your way. Not only will rage reduction remove the air out of the "shame balloon", it also removes the air out of all the other "negative emotion balloons" too. Remember rage reduction is all about gradually getting all of the air, out of all of the "negative emotion balloons", that way all the "positive emotion balloons" can fill themselves up on their own. This results in "feeling good". The reason why you might encounter having a difficult time with "feeling good" is because of the "power of habit". The power of habit will either make you or break you. So next you have to force yourself to like "feeling good" by understanding that "feeling good" will now become your "new habit". This means, the "sabatage habit" goes, And the "feel good" habit stays. It only takes 30 days to form a new habit.