this is when you pick up the phone and talk to your sponsor or someone else in the program whose own program you admire .. let THEM be your higher power as God will speak through them...
its what I do anyway
best wishes to you brother

Yes, that happens to me too! A lot! The fact is that if it didn't it would mean I was pretty near perfect and I am far from that! Spiritual growth is a never ending journey for any human being who follows that path.

I have four years in on this journey and I have to realise that I am just a beginner in many ways. Step 10 is a good barometer.

Personally, I really have to do this every day - best for me at night before I go to sleep. Even if I feel I did everything great that day. There is always something I can improve on and I have to take a realistic view of my behaviour.

The only way I can do that is like I did in Step 4 - look for causes and conditions of my reactions and behaviour with the exclusion of what anyone else had to do or say in the matter. Important!

Did it come from a good place, could I have been kinder, was I honest, was I helpful to others in what I did or said? I have a list of defects of character that I identified and used for Steps 6 and 7.

If I identify any of those defects at play I then pray and ask God to remove those defects. I ask God to help me see if an amends is due. Sometimes I still can't see it but if something continues to disturb me, I know it is not identified yet. So I try and explore what is happening within me again. Eventually the problem reveals itself. Sometimes I need to discuss these things with my sponsor or other trusted friends on the spiritual journey.

Once I have done what I can to take corrective action I then have some closure on it and turn my thoughts to someone I can help.

Basically this is how I try to incorporate Steps 10, 11 and 12 into my daily living.

Some days it goes REALLY wrong and so I need to do a spot check inventory on myself because it is too much to wait for the end of the day.

The 12 and 12 says that self-examination, prayer and meditation, correctly interwoven, make an unshakeable foundation for life and I believe that.

Fear and ego plus other defects can only rule me if I let them run on and get in the way of my honest talk with God. Consistant correction keeps the problems small. There will be problems but they need not get too big to handle.

Hope that helps in some way. It won't stop things going wrong but I think I also learn from my mistakes if I want to. If not, the "ouch" factor usually gets me!

We can't bury our old ways of thinking like they never existed. Our only option is to realize when they pop into our heads that we recognize them for what they are and to take the necessary actions to correct them. We will always have our negative alcoholic thinking creeping back into our lives uninvited.Another example of the disease of the mind, body and spirit. It does sound like you've got a handle on it but I don't think those old thinking habits ever completely go away. Just keep on keepin on. Greg

I agree with the others, this is when I call my sponsor. Its also when I pray on that feeling. I find if I pray on it, pray to have it removed, that it is. Sometimes not immediately, but I hand it over and its removed.
I just made an amends to someone I've held a huge resenment against for my entire life. I didnt think I could. I was able to through prayer, guidance by my sponsor, others in the program, more prayer and of course the steps.

My friend in aa asks me do I want to be right or free? I want to be free so I do the work:)

Good luck.

I had a situation like that about a year ago. Something that I thought I had addressed in my 4th step started bubbling to the surface. Although I had completed my 4th step to the best of my ability, there were some aspects of the issue that were not completely addressed, or that I wasn't aware of at the time. I had to complete a separate 4th step w/ my sponsor, and now all is well. That is, until something else from my past works its way from the deep recesses of my psyche and needs to be addressed.

I learned something valuable from every single response here, thankyou all very much for the time you took to answer this question!

God Bless

Bob, For me I first had to see What it really was that even with clean and sober Time made a bad habit of Turning feelings around and said ,No you have not payed enough Yet!! That is called shame Bob, and addressing it requires a clear understanding , of this was not" My fault". But if I continue to compensate from a sense of loss The hole just grows deeper. With the things I try and cover it up with Clean and Sobarr!! My sponsor Bill said To me after beginning to practice the 10 , 11 and 12th steps . "You wanna pay now or pay later" The answer is in looking at that self that sees No way Out!! Read up on that What is missed through indirect action Not based on what I might be really feeling ? Or where does integrity fit in to my recovery and how to become less self centered through giving To me, The Joy of wholeness and care . Lots Of quiet Time for me has helped Me to understand that !
Billy

i know exactly how you feel. i would sit in the rain and curse "Curtis".
He forced me to play chess with Him.......He would always loose and ask me why. it took me a long time to come up with an answer...i took a poke in the dark. winning was not the objective......it is the moves you make to position yourself to make the right choices.


I am still waiting for Him to get back to me....i check my email and voice mail daily.......:)

Steps 10, 11 and 12. Its all there.

Yes!!
http://www.mental-health-survival-guide.com/shame-guilt.htm

Yeah I can let ya know. First off it's easy for someone to say "let it go". But what they fail to do is show someone "how" to let things go, so they can.

One thing that works really well is "rage reduction". This is when the moment you feel the compulsion, or negative feelings start to erupt, you immediately get a bat and beat the bed; or a pillow and beat the wall; most guys get an ax and beat a tree. I used a pillow and the wall. The ax was to heavy. So what this does is, as you start to beat the tree, begin to force your heart "open". Because your heart, (also called your "spirit") is where all of these negative emotions and pain are lying "dorment". As you beat the tree, you will feel the surge of emotion starting to come out. Make sure you do not fight the crying that begins to happens. Sometimes it's whailing crying. And you have to let that happen. I would keep beating the wall til I fell down, and I was still whailing crying in gut wrenching pain for the next 20 minutes.
So what just happened was, that "piece" of pain, rage, anger, shame, guilt, etc.. is gone and it can not come back. Because once that piece is released, it "can not" come back. It does not fly back into the body like some people think it does. So this means, after that piece gets released, you are good to go for a little while. And then later the next "piece" of pain, rage, anger, guilt, shame, etc.. begins to erupt. So u do rage reduction again and again and again until it's over with. Mine took 7 years to "remove". At the end your results are, you have no more pain, no more rage, anger, guilt, shame, embarrasment and the rest of the negative emotions. With all this overload permanently removed, everything internal finds it's proper place on it's own. And that's how it's done.

The times when you think u have a handle on it, is when the pain, anger, rage, guilt, shame and other negative emotions are lying dorment in your heart. They erupt because they are not suppose to be there. Them erupting is them screaming at you to get them out. Rage reduction is the only 100% effective way I know of, that this gets done.

AV - surely there is an element of addressing the feelings that needs to happen? Not just opening up and letting them out.

For example if i am angry what am I angry about, what is it in me that causes me to be angry about that? what part have i played in a situation? What of my instincts are being threatened? how can I change in the future so that this does not continue to make me angry?

Why am i envious? what in my life am i dissatisfied with? what needs are not being met? What is the spiritual way to meet these needs?

etc etc.

I dont really buy that there is a certain amount of feeling within us and we just have to keep beating a pillow til it is all gone.

All of those negative feelings are in some way related to fear for me. When I ask myself what is it I am afraid of, it becomes easier to know what it is I need to let go of.

In your examples...

Guilt... I fear I will be rejected or unloved for my actions. I fear I hurt someone else. I fear I am not living up to a certain expectations that perceive.

Anger... I fear my ego is threatened in some way or sometimes even the egos of others. I fear I am viewed as wrong and made to feel less than. I fear for my physical or finical wellbeing. Etc.

Envy... I fear I will never have enough. I fear I will never be equal. I fear someone else having more means I will have less. Etc.

Self centered fear is a big character defect of mine. The answer is not always easy to find, but this is always a good place for me to start. In any case, for me, the answer always comes after self examination.

reply #12 nicky180, No, you are wrong. Not when we are talking about "eruption of emotions". That's why just picking up a phone to call someone when a surge of "eruption of rage and anger" is surfacing, does not work. Not for that one. Now if it's just anger, or guilt, or an upset or an upset of embarrasment, then yes, picking up a phone will work.

nicky180 paragraph 2, Yes of course you talk about those things. But you can not even think clear enough to talk about those things while an addicts emotions are in full throddle. The calmness "after" rage reductions is what is needed in order to think clear enough to be capable of addressing those issues. Especially if we are talking about the addicts that are so severe they don't have a mind left.
All of those things you mentioned are very important to address.

You don't buy into it because yours were not severe enough to know the difference. Mine was.

I agree taradactyl - fear is the biggest underlying factor for me too.