Hello momto3bv,

Welcome to the forum.

You have described the problem very well and as in business, identifying the problem is a good start. However, as you will well know, unless you apply a solution to the problem the business can go broke.

I'm an alcoholic and I was glad to find this place

I hope you can find a group and figure out a way to deal with the issue at hand , see I had no ability to cope.

I learned from others that have recovered

1is2many

I have my own business and it is thriving now I
Don't drink away my pains and pleasures
My father and his father were alcoholic

I'm not bad just sick

Find a group and get better

1is2many

Hi and welcome to this group.

I drank "secretly" (or so I thought) for many many years and thought nobody was the wiser. I was very mistaken. EVERYBODY figured it out and a lot sooner than I realized. It's easy to think that you're doing well and functioning, when in reality, you're not. It's a sneaky, progressive process.

Coming here is a good first step. There are many options to available to help you if you decide to quit (or moderate.)

You'll find that the majority of the people on here have decided on complete abstinence. Many attend AA, some have quit on their own, and others have gone through treatment programs and therapy. There are also online groups like SMART Recovery.

You may also hear from those who are attempting to moderate their drinking.

There is no one-size-fits-all approach, so you are encouraged to read the experiences of others and figure out what is best for you.

Oh, I almost forgot to add. I quit on my own a little over a year ago. I had tried many, many, many times and failed. I come here for my support. It's a very good group!

Welcome and good luck!

Thanks to all who have replied.
I agree that it's possible that others have picked up on the fact that there's a problem, although I'd love to believe that I hide it from everyone.
I'm ashamed to admit that a few weeks ago I actually showed up to a PTO meeting drunk. I thought I was totally fine. I had been drinking all day. When I got home, I went into the bathroom to wash up and looked in the mirror. My eyes were totally bloodshot and I looked like crap. I was so embarrassed.
I genuinely enjoy drinking, and not just to get drunk. A few years ago I picked up the hobby of home brewing and enjoy making and tasting different varieties of beer. The thought of never drinking again makes me very, very sad. I recognize that for many people it's an all or nothing thing... which I suppose is why the AA model doesn't appeal to me. However, I'd love to find some balance where I can learn to recognize when it's appropriate to have a drink or two (a neighborhood party), and when it's not (lunch time, by myself, when the toddler is napping).

Normal drinkers don't drink while getting the laundry

I suggest some controlled drinking

Have 2 then stop. If so you are normal.

Once I start I can't stop. And most important is I know that I obsess over when the next drink will be. Alcohol disconnects me from ME

Just please don't drink and drive with the kids , I did that my last w/e and that was one of the things that really floored me. I was addicted

1-2

Driving with kids in the car is one of my deepest shames.

I love my children so, so much. I can't believe that I would do that... but I do. I convince myself at the time that I'm totally fine. But looking back... I'm not.

About a month ago, I drove the three kids to their sports practice. On the other side of our major metro area (about a 30 min drive, on the interstate). I had been drinking since lunchtime.

Again, at the time, I thought I was soooooo okay. The next morning, I cried.

I'm going to go ahead and guess that you all get a lot of people here who talk about how excited they are to quit and then admit that they are drinking.
Right??
I, unfortunately, am not ready. I wish I was. I told myself that today would be the day.
Tomorrow my husband and I are taking the kids camping for the weekend. I know I'll drink (because beer=campfire=camping in the woods, right!?!).
So I sit here and say to myself, okay... MONDAY will be the day. But, I bet on Monday I'll have a new excuse. I wish I was strong enough to just say... enough.

Hi I understand how you feel, the idea of stopping drinking completely can seem scary and daunting although for me it would be a relief to be rid of this terrible obsession. I know you say AA isn't for you but there is no harm going to a meeting and listening, nobody will tell you to stop drinking as you are the only one who can do that.

You will find out a lot about this illness though, it is an illness, you will be amongst people who don't judge you and will simply inform you.

I have driven drunk, I've done some crazy things when drunk. I thought I was ok at the time but having had long patches of sobriety I can now see that it was dreadful. I too thought other people didn't know about my drinking but they did, I used alcohol to cope with loneliness boredom and a deep routed unhappiness.

I know it must be hard with your three kids to think of making such a big life change. I have one child and its hard going. You sound to be functioning well now but I've been to AA meetings where women lost their driving licence, they lost their kids as social services were involved, divorce, health problems related to alcoholism are scary. I'm not trying to frighten you but this is a progressive illness so it will take you to the bottom.

...so r u wanting to quit or do u just want to taper it down?
...tapering down never worked for me, that's why I came here.
...by coming here I was able to quit cold turkey with the help of a therapist and this website. I could go long periods without alcohol, but in the back of my head, I felt I was missing out on something so I would break down and have a drink.
I finally recognized that I got it backwards all along: I WAS MISSING OUT BECAUSE I WAS DRINKING, not because I wasn't.
U R fooling yourself if U think people don't know. I used to think that about myself when I drank, that people didn't know.
Of course they knew.
I am really not sure if U want to quit. Either way, it is totally in your hands. Your choice, your decision. This is a great place for support.
Sooner or later, the 'good times' slowly disappear and start to fade away. In your situation, it already has.
You are welcome here.

You can do it.

Just do it for today. Don't look too far ahead. Just focus on not drinking today. Go to the gym at lunch. Go for a walk with the kids after dinner.

Just one day. Its like a game or a challenge of outsmarting into not drinking. Ride the urges out, they are temporary. Acknowledge your triggers/excuses (kids naps, laundry, etc) and plan ahead. Tell yourself what you're going to do and do it. You're not weak, you got this.

Hi momto3bv.

Your story reminds me so much of my own. I'm a happily (now) married mom to 3. I've worked full time at the same place for over 25 years. On the outside, for a long, long time, it looked like I had it all together, when in fact that was so far from the truth.

Honestly, not too many people suspected I was an alcoholic. Maybe my best friend. Even my husband didn't have an inkling as to how much I drank.

I think you know you have a problem, otherwise you wouldn't be here posting. But you're not sure if you are ready to actually make the leap to a sober life. I totally get that. I was there for a very long time. It wasn't until my life really started falling apart that I had enough of the bullshit.

My breaking point came after my husband and I had been separated for 2 months and I realized there was no way I was going to be the kind of mother I wanted and needed to be if I continued drinking. I was already missing out on so much of their lives with every night being a blur or falling asleep on the couch at 7:30 from drinking all day. I sometimes wished I would just die in my sleep because I felt so awful all the time. I was worried about losing my job because I drank every day starting when I got out of bed. I was mortified of getting a DUI. There were way too many times I drove with not only my children in the car, but other people's children. That is my biggest regret and am so thankful that I never harmed anyone.

I am 65 days sober today. Honestly, there's still times I have a hard time imagining my life with no alcohol, ever. I usually try not to think about it that way. I just take it day by day and surprisingly enough there are not many days at all that I have even the slightest desire to drink. I feel so much better. I like myself again. It's been a long time since I could say it.

I hope you decide you've had enough of being a slave to alcohol and see how much better it all is when you are truly back in control of your life.

A big THUMBS UP to that last post. That is EXACTLY how I felt. Like I was a slave to alcohol.

Thank you for the reminder!

Momto3bv:

There are about ninety genes associated with alcoholism. No one has all of them. Different alcoholics have a different mix. This explains why there different types of alcoholics. There are some binge drinkers, other are chronic drinkers etc. Some can handle it well while others go out of control.
You said that you would rather cut down than go for complete abstinence. You can only learn from trial and error, if you are one of those that can learn to limit themselves to one or two drinks a night. I know several people that had success with that. Unfortunately I do not have that gene mix. If I take one drink I am off to the races.
I wish you good luck as you go through your self-discovery. You may have success cutting down. If you try the same thing over and over and do not get the desired result try something different.

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/alcohol/Pages/Tipsoncuttingdown.aspx

I once met this mother in AA that was exactly like you in every way.

She went to the store to pick up a few things one day, got in an accident, long story short, the cops knocked at her door, a few days later, and put her in handcuffs and hauled her away in full view of the kids and neighbors!

She spent 6 years in jail for manslaughter, driving while intoxicated!

I feel very bad for you because when I read your post I could see that woman from AA telling her story.....with every word I read!

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

God Bless!

Hello momto3bv,

I have just been reading your latest posts and a few things stand out. Your story is very similar to my own in many ways, except that my attempt at home brewing about thirty years ago was a total disaster. I eventually tried to give it to my mothers chickens in the hope that they would get legless drunk but they had the good sense to pass up on the party opportunity.

On a more serious note, I would urge you to educate yourself about alcoholism. An alcoholic has only two options one is to sober up and the other is to be locked up or covered up. Alcoholism is a progressive condition and it will always get worse over a period of time. An alcoholic is said to suffer from a form of insanity where alcohol is concerned. This leaves him or her defenceless against the thinking that leads up to taking the first drink. The shame that you felt after showing up drunk at the PTO meeting will be either forgotten or pushed aside after a while and you will probably do it all over again. Such incidents are likely to become more common but you will lower the bar each time and will come to accept them as the new normal.

I was where you are now and the thought of never drinking again left me very sad. Whiskey was my drink of choice and I loved trying the different brands. However, there came a time when I had to quit even though I would have given anything to keep drinking. For a long time I was going to do it tomorrow or on Monday but never today. Then some of those bad things that had not happened YET came around the corner and slapped me in the face. Then I decide that today was the day and I would quit drinking. I soon discovered that I could not stay sober for more than a few days and eventually I gave up trying and just kept drinking. It was getting close to locked up or covered up time when I walked into an AA meeting.

AA told me that I did not have to give up drinking for life just for TODAY. I also learned why I drank in the way that I did and why it had been impossible for me to quit on my own. I would strongly urge you to look at video at the link below as it explains the problem very well and also offers a solution that you are at liberty to take or leave.

I have not wanted a drink today or for quite a few days and life without alcohol is exciting and fulfilling. However, I would never have believed that seven years ago when I walked into that first AA meeting, a broken man. You now have a choice between two different paths. You can keep drinking and trying to control it but your efforts will probably end in disaster. Alternatively, you can admit and accept that you cannot drink and set about regaining your freedom.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pVBDQPC2XQ