Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
Hello, everyone. I'm new and happy to have found this forum.
I'm 34. I'm a mom of three, a small business owner, and a happy wife. I work from home in order to be here for the kids, and I pride myself on being the super-organized 'Pinterest' mom of the neighborhood with the clean house and cookies baking and whatnot. I'm the pto president of my kids private school, host backyard bbq's for the neighborhood, and am blissfully in love with my husband. On the outside... I've got my sh*t together.
However... not one single person knows that I'm an alcoholic.
I usually start drinking around lunch time. By the time I have to pick kids up from school, I'm a little buzzed. I usually stumble my way through dinner prep. Usually my husband senses I'm just a little tipsy when he gets home, but I'm not a little tipsy, I'm totally drunk but good at hiding it.
I hide my drinking throughout the evening ("I need to go switch the laundry downstairs!" means I'm going to go slam a beer in the laundry room). I wake up the next morning and can vaguely remember bits and pieces of the night before. My business is suffering because I'm usually too drunk in the evening to get anything done.
My father is an alcoholic. I grew up in a small town where drinking was a huge part of the culture. Social drinking is still a huge part of the culture where I live, and our friends all enjoy getting together for beers in the backyard... I wish I could be satisfied just doing that.
I've always been a strong, independent, goal oriented woman. I denied having a problem with alcohol because I functioned just fine while drinking nearly daily! I equated admitting that I have a problem with being weak.
My skin is crawling and I'd love to run to the store for something to drink... ugh. :(
Thanks for reading my novel.
I'm 34. I'm a mom of three, a small business owner, and a happy wife. I work from home in order to be here for the kids, and I pride myself on being the super-organized 'Pinterest' mom of the neighborhood with the clean house and cookies baking and whatnot. I'm the pto president of my kids private school, host backyard bbq's for the neighborhood, and am blissfully in love with my husband. On the outside... I've got my sh*t together.
However... not one single person knows that I'm an alcoholic.
I usually start drinking around lunch time. By the time I have to pick kids up from school, I'm a little buzzed. I usually stumble my way through dinner prep. Usually my husband senses I'm just a little tipsy when he gets home, but I'm not a little tipsy, I'm totally drunk but good at hiding it.
I hide my drinking throughout the evening ("I need to go switch the laundry downstairs!" means I'm going to go slam a beer in the laundry room). I wake up the next morning and can vaguely remember bits and pieces of the night before. My business is suffering because I'm usually too drunk in the evening to get anything done.
My father is an alcoholic. I grew up in a small town where drinking was a huge part of the culture. Social drinking is still a huge part of the culture where I live, and our friends all enjoy getting together for beers in the backyard... I wish I could be satisfied just doing that.
I've always been a strong, independent, goal oriented woman. I denied having a problem with alcohol because I functioned just fine while drinking nearly daily! I equated admitting that I have a problem with being weak.
My skin is crawling and I'd love to run to the store for something to drink... ugh. :(
Thanks for reading my novel.
You could have been describing me. I also believed that I was a high functioning alcoholic. I would take a shot of vodka before breakfast, just as an "eye opener." I'd drive my son to school that way - and I truly believed I was not impaired. Then I would drink through the day. I would also stumble through dinner prep. More than once I burned myself or dropped something - but it's normal to have little accidents - right? I hid vodka in the bedroom closet near the bathroom, and would sneak a shot on my way back from using the restroom. Thinking about my behavior now makes my skin crawl - as you put it.
I finally wised up. I don't think I ever hit "rock bottom" - I never had a DUI or got fired or anything like that. I just slowly realized I was killing myself slowly.
I started my "recovery" with a set number of days sober - complete with a countdown calendar. I'm doing one now as a matter of fact. Day 12 of 20. Then I go "back" to allowing myself to drink. I have done this several times, and each time I drink less when I'm on a free period - sometimes deciding not to drink at all - even though I'm on a unrestricted time.
It has been getting better and better for me.
Hope this made sense. Hope it helps.
No one I know who has been arrested ever thought it could happen to them, including me. When it does it really really sucks. You feel like your dignity has been taken from you. In your case the stakes are higher because your children are in the vehicle.
Please don't risk losing your kids, family and possibly marriage. It's just not worth it. Wow, I can't believe no one has brought this up. Best wishes to you.
I too was in the same boat as you, lovely house, perfect family etc....I thought NO ONE knew I drank as much as I did. And if they did sus me out, I did not care, I was happy, they were not, so what!!!!
Ps when you stop drinking, you will realise, not everyone drinks to get wasted, not everyone is even drinking. You will have so much energy, you will fill your days with things you could not be bothered to do before as you were so hung over. You will be so much more productive, and realise, the cleaning you were doing was actually useless, and slap dash.
I was at rock bottom and went to AA, that is the programme ppl are talking about ( or at least one of them). I now know I could not be sober without my weekly AA meeting and my literature to read. The big book and living sober, both available from AA.
Good luck xx
BUT IT IS SO WORTH IT!!!
Come on you can do it!!
BUT... I did want to post again as a sort of 'update'. We took the kids camping this weekend, for three days. I packed a six-pack for the entire weekend (2 per night). That's a HUGE deal less than I normally drink in an evening. But I figured, I'm in the middle of the wilderness, it's not like I can just run to the store, right!? ;)
I drank 2 per night. And... I survived. Ha! Did I want more? Oh, YES. I almost made up a silly excuse to run to the nearest little town (about 20 miles away) to grab something we 'forgot'... but I didn't. We had a great time with the kids.
We're home and unpacked now. I have exactly half a bottle (about two glasses) of wine in the house. I literally JUST was putting on my shoes to run to the store to grab more. In my mind, I 'proved' to myself this weekend that I could cut back so why not reward myself with a couple extra drinks tonight, right? So stupid.
I'm enjoying my glass of wine instead. I'll put the kids to bed in a bit, then... well... probably sit around and be crabby that I didn't go get more drinks. Who am I kidding!? ;) But, it's a start.
Yes, tomorrow is another day, but you can make it a DIFFERENT day. Make a plan of things to keep you busy throughout the day so you're not sitting around thinking about drinking. When those "trigger hours" come around, that's when it's the most important to find a suitable distraction. Drinking something nonalcoholic and fizzy would work, or eat something sweet. (You can worry about that later.)
Like sugar said, the cravings are intense at first, and it's tough to ride them out, but with support, a plan and the proper tools, it will get easier.
If you're not into AA, there are other groups like SMART Recovery and Women for Sobriety. There are also people around here who have tapered off or moderate. You need to figure out what approach is best for you. Do you want to learn to moderate or quite entirely?
I so related to your post. I sent you a PM (private message) because my reply got to be too long for the board, lol.
Have a good one. Hugs, Dianna
As a recovering alcoholic, I am direct. I lack finesse at times. Alcoholism is serious business. It kills many every day.
I take that seriously. Please don't delete anything. We have been where you're at. Every single person on this board has. Give us a chance to support you if you want to stop drinking. There really is life after alcohol.
I do not like shame and condemnation. It doesn't work well here for me and most of us here in this group. I was not trying to invoke that on your behalf.
Your story hit home for me. A friend of mine was stopped for driving under the influence with his kids in the car. Needless to say one thing led to another and his wife left him while he was away doing time. I know that nobody in that former family unit is happier now than before it happened. I do hope that things work out for the best for you. Thanks for sharing.