ChibiChibi

Activity

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  A Brief Update

  Posted by: ChibiChibi

  Posted: 05/03/2019

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  Still engaged.Running too much.Think my toenail is going to fall off.Had a concert yesterday.Can't tell the difference between 'on a diet' and 'restricting'.Am possibly having a depressive episode.Still fat.

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  The more things change...

  Posted by: ChibiChibi

  Posted: 04/06/2019

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  Isn't it funny how life always seems to come full circle?Essentially, one of my friends has fallen out with everyone because one of our other friends refused to go on a date with him about six months ago. Of course, I'm in the middle of it, as per, and said friend has now decided that he doesn't like me at all, and that he won't come to the wedding. I've been told to just let him stew and that eventually he'll come around, but I can't help but feel upset.I can't help but feel like I did ten...

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  Wedmin

  Posted by: ChibiChibi

  Posted: 02/28/2019

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  Hey, guess who's getting married?This is like six months late, but yeah! Gettin' married. Excited. Stressed. Mostly excited.

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  26-11-17

  Posted by: ChibiChibi

  Posted: 11/25/2017

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  Me again, surprise surprise.Am I ok? I literally have no idea at all. I've messaged all the people I can for help but it's like nearly 5am so of couse I'm not gonna get a fucking answer.Dan is in bed. Of course. I mean, like, he has work and stuff at 3PM, but also...Ugh, I don't even know. We had a fight because I said that, personally, I thought his mum was being a bit maipulative (which I stand  by) and the conversation just devolved and it eventually turned into Dan essentially blaming me...

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  2017-11-21

  Posted by: ChibiChibi

  Posted: 11/21/2017

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  Had a referral to the secondary mental health team because I hallucinated. Appt next week. Apparently I have 'emotional disregulation'.I'm frightened. I'm restricting, I'm regressing, I'm upset, I want to be sixteen again, and I want everything to vanish and to leave me alone. I have a choreography exam on Thursday and that means that I can't even cut myself at the moment because my costume is literally underwear.I'm having an ED assessment with the primary mental health team soon and that...

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  2017-10-31

  Posted by: ChibiChibi

  Posted: 10/31/2017

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  Usually I love Halloween. I love autumn and leaves and wind and coats and pumpkins and cold and mittens and all the other things to do with this time of year.So why am I suicidal?I'm on meds again, following my last journal entry. Not Sertraline this time - Citalopram, which worked quite well for a bit but has started to wear off really. I guess they're probably fine still, in some ways. They definitely improved my anxiety for a little while, at least.I can't stop drinking. And I'm an awful...

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  2017-06-08

  Posted by: ChibiChibi

  Posted: 06/08/2017

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  It's weird - I'm not really actively suicidal but, at the same time, I'm just not bothered about being alive.I hate myself. As a person in general. I'm irritating and loud and boorish and just too 'there'. I wish I was more unobtrusive, and less obvious or in the way. If I were smaller, maybe I wouldn't be like this. Maybe if I lost some more weight then people would just stop noticing me. I'm drinking too much. I'm fat. I need to change this.I just want to die, Kitty. I knew I was due another...

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  2017-01-20

  Posted by: ChibiChibi

  Posted: 01/20/2017

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  I guess it's been a while. A lot has changed since last time - I've moved, I'm back at uni, Dan and I live together still (with no Alice), I'm still insane.But I'm alright. I'm alright as I have ever been, anyway. The depression is still intermittent, but I'm dealing with it - the anxiety, however, is through the roof, and I'm very stressed and upset a lot of the time. I guess you know it's getting bad when you basically scream every time you wake up, although that's probably more annoying for...