TheCalligrapher
Status:
Mood:
Bad
Offline
- I keep swirling in my mind that statistically I can't matter. In the face of millions before me and millions to come, epochs of human life and all those forgotten in the past what do I matter. Even to friends or family, in 1000 years pain...
- I haven't lied but the truth seems to hurt people more than the lies. I lost a friend for the second time. I just couldn't take time out of the day for her and she was upset. I'm realizing that maybe there is sometimes just no way to not hurt...
- I'm not sure if I'm stronger, wiser, meaner, or just care less. I haven't committed to anything I know I can't do. I had an employee tell me he had a 35 percent raise offer at another firm and I told him that I know we can't match it. I told...
- I lost someone I care about because I was honest. honesty hurts people sometimes. I suppose it is better to be honest and have hurt come sooner rather than later but it's still very hrd to lose someone special in the face of not being able to...
- I was honest and I hurt someone I care about deeply. somehow my lies and ties to expectations leave me in places where I hurt those I care about most when I tell the truth. I just don't understand it.
- I used to seriously over promise and wind up under delivering to my famioy, friends and work. I was just recently promoted and it has been so hard to say "I don't know if my team can deliver that" or "I won't be able to help with that" as an...
- that is the weird thing about me. I always get promoted or I am successful or do good things. but I always feel like a fake and a failure. lately I've been so down I feel like checking myself into an institute or something.
- It's a combination of lies and depression. I am realizing my whole life has been a lie. my spouse chose where we lived what I did for a living, how we raise our kids. I haven't done anything but pay for a life I hate. and I've never spoken...
- I feel like the Web of lies keeps tangling me even when I think it's gone. people remember every conversation even when I can't even remember what I've said. ita so strange. sometimes I don't even know if I lied once or if someone is not...
- sometimes it hurts. one th ing I recently said is that I really don't want th is life anymore. I'm in it, I do parts of it, I support people but it's no.what I want to do or be. I'd rather live in a cabin in the mountains.
- I really feel my faith is suffering. the people I used to rely on were hurt by my lies. I need to get back to my connection with God. I feel he can't forgive me.
- But it's worth it. I was honest today and it was hard. but I think I held onto a friendship.
- I can't get out of the spinning world of "when can I see you?" with friends. I have friends with whom I can just say hi and others who want a dedicated length of time and they're willing to go to any length to have it. I wind up making excuses...
- I've been awake all day and now it appears all night. I lie there exhausted wishing I could turn off the hyper worry. I fear the days and that occupies my brain at night. I don't know how I've come to this; the repeated swirl of remembering...
- Today is my birthday and I've hidden it from as many people as possible. I don't want to interact with people anymore to avoid lying. I really have no idea why I choose to lie. I try to catch the triggers and avoid it but I don't seem to stop.