TheCalligrapher

Activity

• Suicide
  

  Last post here moved forums

  Posted by: TheCalligrapher

  Last Reply: SomeGuy092 02/10/2020

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  https://www.suicideforum.com/community/There are more people on this forum

• Suicide
  

  I've begun spiraling again.

  Posted by: TheCalligrapher

  Last Reply: Always...C 06/30/2021

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  I have a set of walls I've built up in my life that are impossible to reconcile for me.  I'm on meds and I'm in therapy but everyone just tells me everything is my choice and my problems but I've determined I  ddon'twant to cause crisis to uproar.    I don't want to make  a choice that will hurt people.Now I've been writing and thinking that if I just kill myself I'll be able to not have to live with the paradox.    If I put it in context of not having to be alive and 500 years of more...

• Suicide
  

  I've been back on the dark websites

  Posted by: TheCalligrapher

  Last Reply: peterthegreat 01/21/2020

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  When I really want to leave I find dark websites of people jumping from the golden gold bridge or suffocating themselves with carbon monoxide.     I don't mean to but I feel that's my only way out. 

• Suicide
  

  Discussion Comment

  Posted by: TheCalligrapher

  Posted: 01/10/2020

  TheCalligrapher commented on the discussion When I get really down I think about 500 years.

• Suicide
  

  When I get really down I think about 500 years

  Posted by: TheCalligrapher

  Last Reply: TheCalligrapher 01/10/2020

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  Will it matter?    Will I matter?    Would it matter if I killed myself in 509 years.    Not 10, not 20, not in my life or the lives of my loved ones.   500 years ago did some peasant in Europe or farmer in China matter today?    Sure, I could be the one great leader who is remembered from that period but I'm not, have no desire to be a leader or to impact anyone or work on that.    So my question is, in 500 years will it matter if I live another day or not?   No one who comments...

• Suicide
  

  I can't believe my family

  Posted by: TheCalligrapher

  Last Reply: SomeGuy092 11/28/2019

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  The fear of hurting them is all that keeps me from killing myself but at the same time they are in a complete spiral of crises that lead me to wish I was not alive.   I can't stand it.

• Suicide
  

  I don't know what happened to this group

  Posted by: TheCalligrapher

  Last Reply: SomeGuy092 06/20/2019

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  I still feel like I don't want to be alive.   I wish and prefer that I could fall asleep and never wake up.   I hate the way that I live and how I spend my life and I wish I was gone.    I never have enought time.    My headaches come every day and I walk in a complete fog. 

• Suicide
  

  Discussion Comment

  Posted by: TheCalligrapher

  Posted: 05/18/2019

  TheCalligrapher commented on the discussion I'm in a completely unwinnable situation at work.

• Suicide
  

  I'm in a completely unwinnable situation at work

  Posted by: TheCalligrapher

  Last Reply: SomeGuy092 05/18/2019

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  I cant say no.    I'm not allowed to say no.   My team can say no to me.    Other teams can say no and pick and choose but I am the last resort for anything that is an ask at our company.    I can't say, "no that should be someone else's problem"   My bosses solutions have been to add project managers to help watch what I do which results in more meetings and status updates on my calendar.    I'm blessed with an 18 person team all of whom report directly to me and any project...

• Suicide
  

  Discussion Comment

  Posted by: TheCalligrapher

  Posted: 05/16/2019

  TheCalligrapher commented on the discussion I've been on the suicide prevention chat all day.

• Suicide
  

  Discussion Comment

  Posted by: TheCalligrapher

  Posted: 05/16/2019

  TheCalligrapher commented on the discussion I've been on the suicide prevention chat all day.

• Suicide
  

  I've been on the suicide prevention chat all day

  Posted by: TheCalligrapher

  Last Reply: peterthegreat 05/16/2019

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  I'm blowing up.    The anxiety and concern is exploding right now.   I keep returning to Mary who is my contact onn the national suicide prevention chatline.   I haven't seen my doc in a few days.I've lost friends in the last 24 hours, I can't get away from bad situations, my kids are falling apart and family is sucking.    I don't want to be alive anymore.   It's different than saying I want to die.   I just want to sleep and not wake up.    I'm not trying to hurt myself I jsur...

• Suicide
  

  I've been selling things

  Posted by: TheCalligrapher

  Last Reply: SomeGuy092 05/14/2019

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  I've been selling stuff on eBay, USN, and Craigslist.    I opened an account and I'm planning to will the money to the kids.   I closed off talking to my friends on texting and online.    I'm still finishing the house for some reason but I don't care.   I wake up every day wishing I had not awakened.    Work is one long string of people manipulating me into doing things on demand.   The kids spend 18 hours per day on cell phones and online and the home has sunk into a pit of crap. ...

• Suicide
  

  Discussion Comment

  Posted by: TheCalligrapher

  Posted: 05/05/2019

  TheCalligrapher commented on the discussion I'm at a decision point.

• Suicide
  

  I'm at a decision point

  Posted by: TheCalligrapher

  Last Reply: TheCalligrapher 05/05/2019

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  I don't know whether to leave and face that pain or take my life and end all the pain.    Leaving throws my world into a turmoil that can't be closed again.  Taking my life pulls me out of the issue.   It is selfish to those left behind but I'll be gone then.   I won't have to hear about legislative actions or deal with anger or messes or fight.   Maybe there are hugs in heaven.   If I leave the home and the anger and the fighting then I will have more to deal with on the outside and...