100 % correct arhhhhhgh x

Thanks for this wonderful dialog Ladies. Believe me or not, but I'm sitting in front of my computer crying now because for the first time i realized that i'm not alone, that there are great women out there who have been through exactly the same crap as me. And for the first time i feel that i can win in this battle, it will just take time and practice. Thank you so much.

Ok, how to get your body to agree with your mind?
Case in point...
Attractive guy
Lots in common
Funny
Attracted to you...

but MARRIED, and willing to cheat... in fact enticing you to cheat!
How on earth do you keep your body from overpowering your mind?!
My body is saying YES DAMNIT! my brain is saying "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU! NO!"
lucky for me I told him my qualms, and to his credit he said he wouldn't continue to entice me because I wasn't comfortable with it.
It just sucks!
I was just dumped by my boyfriend. I'm not used to not having sex when I want it.
It's just about impossible to get myself to stop doing things I wouldn't normally do!
HELP!

Foreversleep, I think the trick is to let the mind decide. I'm at the same stage as you, so I get what you mean. Let's put it this way: I'm giving up smoking. My body says: have a cigarette. But my mind says: no, it's bad for me. It's hard, it hurts, but IT'S GOOD FOR ME NOT TO DO IT. You have to make decisions with your mind, not with your body, because your body is addicted to the thrill. It reacts in an addiced way. Your mind has the power to overcome it. That's the way I see it.

I completely identify with this. I don't even NOTICE nice, normal, healthy men. I am not attracted to them in any way whatsoever. Fortunately I'm becoming less attracted to the unhealthy ones as well. So currently I'm in limbo I guess.

Don't know what I will do once all of the drama is gone. Know I will feel better tho.

After giving up and not dating anyone for over 3 years due to constantly choosing the ones who hurt me, I finally found an extremely "nice guy". I treated him unkind and he did not deserve that. I feel that after 27 yrs of being with abusive men that I am now the abuser. BTW, he did not bore me at all, I think I have a fear of commitment now and am always waiting for the other shoe to drop and if it doesn't I pull it off. I am horribly ashamed of myself for being so rude to such a decent person and feel a great loss because at my age those type of men are not on every corner.

This will probably seem like a silly question, but bear with me - I'm "new" after a long absence. Is this from a book or website? If so, I'd love more information.

I didn't exactly have to go looking for an abuser i seem to attract em like a magnet. I believe that's because they can spot a victim a mile away just like i can spot someone who 'needs me' and therein lies the attraction. it reminds me of my abusive parent which is unfinished business for me and i am compulsed to try to 'get it right this time'.

I have a question how do you know you even like a man if you are bored with him. I mean maybe you just don't click. How do you tell the difference between really actually BORING and incompatable with stable? Since its hard to trust my instincts as usually they lead me the wrong way how do I learn to tell when a guy is stable and not just plain no fun.

Here's a question: How do you know that the boring guy is healthy and not just plan, well. BORING. I mean how to you know that maybe he is just not your type. I know that instant attraction, heaven on earth feeling is what we are supposed to be on alert for but if you feel absolutely nothing how do you know it's not because you just aren't really into that guy. I get soooo confused. For instance I know this really great guy who I used to date and he's okay to spend time with but he is definitely not very fun..I like fun...isn't this settling if I stay with a guy like that?

I am working on the assumption and hoping that as i work to fix myself which is the only person i can fix, and heal, that i will attract a better type of person into my life and in the process my skewed perceptions of stability as boring will change as well. But i have to put first things first. Nothing ever changes if nothing ever changes and that needs to be me.

Wanted to bump this to the front...

I am new here. I just can't stand it. I want out of this relationship with a manipulator and liar...... always embellishes the truth. I am just attracted to the exciting man and not the stable "nice guy" uggg. help Why are nice guys boring? Why does this liar make me feel guilty?

can i bump this? dracona, how are you now, u arent on here much? im married to a nice guy, have been for 19 years. i started getting annoyed with him after just a few, but have lived with it all this time. two kids. no reason to go anywhere, it all looks good on paper, everyone i know thinks we're perfect. i even find him attractive and the sex is good, when i give in. but i am cold to him a lot, and he is always nice. i see this as weakness and get irritated. i feel like a cold bitch a lot of the time.

the last few years he has gotten more clingy...3 or 4 years. it pushed me away even more, which made him even more clingy, i almost couldnt stand it. he gets depressed, i walk on eggshells, cant be honest about how it makes me feel because it makes him worse.. before i met him i was only into bad boys. and last spring one of them got in touch with me and sweet taklked me. we started communicating on line, it escalated to dozens o f messages every day (some of you already know the story) and falling in 'love'. he said everything ive read these N's say, he always loved me, blah blah, and this was a guy i was hurt by over and over from age 13-18. it really sucked me in, and it was such a relief from the pressure of my marriage. now i see he is a narcissist. the 'romance' ended 2 months ago and im seeing it more clearly now as he continues to bait and discard (as a 'friend' now). he doesnt break my heart anymore, im not taking it personally anymore.

but it really had me look at my marriage and if it's what i want. what was wrong with it to make me vulnerable to this guy. i dont know if there is someone out there who wouldnt annoy me but would still be good for me. i dont know if i just need to learn to be alone and then maybe id want to come back to my H. i met him at 18 and havent been alone since i was 12. i dont know if i would be throwing away a good thing or if it's selfish to even consider it because of the kids. but i know i am young and deserve to be happy.

by the way, i am attempting NC with this guy AGAIN begining 2 days ago, ive never been able to resist replying to him because i am polite, so will probably be on here for support if he contacts me..