Its really hard to tell in the end... im in the middle of one of those journeys now...
the real question comes down to... WHAT DO I WANT? vs WHAT DO I NEED?
and there is a very very very thin line between those two for people like us, and often run together.

i think it's complicated, because i do think i need time to myself to figure out what i want. but there are kids involved and i wonder if i should wait. and within that desire to be alone is excitement at the thought of being free to enjoy bad boys. so i am a mess, really. i hvae been honest with my h and he now knows i am not 'in love' with him and can make no promises for the future, that i dont know what i want. he is being patient, but cant ehlp being more clingy, which makes me more sure i can't continue. but hard to know if it's my disease, i dont want my disease (LA) to destroy my family if it is the disease talking and not my true path in life. very confused.

There just has to be someone that is nice and that I am attracted to instead of one or the other. If I am attracted he is bad news. If he is nice he is boring. If its a pychological thing for me that I am going to be alone FOREVER. There has got to someone out there that can be BOTH for me.

i agree lady. but i think it comes from inside. this is why i dont want to destroy my family over it. but if im annoyed and irritated all the time, how do i continue? it is only coming out now because this ex reminded me how exciting it could be. i wish he wouldnt have. i had become ok with my marriage, figured it was normal..

i just dont know what romantic love feels like without an element of fear and uncertainty. isnt that where the exctemnent comes from? are there women who get butterflies and excited over someone even when they know the guy feels the same way and is nice and there for them? i cant imagine that...and how important are butterflies anyway? i was fine not having them for my H. but now it's imbalanced im being irritable and he's being nicer than ever :(

This is so true - I mean I have dated guys who have treated me like a princess and always fall back into the arms of "N" when he starts becoming hot again as they say. Crazy why are we wired like this? It amazes me that our childhood can have such a profound effect on our lives. It also angers me at times that what I thought I did top cope as a child was protecting me and in the long run it is hurting me.

ive decided im not going anywhere, i will not let my deluded mind destroy my life and hurt those around me!!! my happiness will come from within. i will NOT self destruct, i will NOT give this N the satisfaction of destroying my life!!!

i feel terrible that i let him invade my families world in this way. that f****r.