I know exactly what you are feeling. I am at my home 24/7 and there are times yhat I could go somewhere with someone other than my family. I lost my husband 3 yrs ago and some days are harder than others. Today is a good example as it would have been our 30th wedding anniversary. I couldn't find a single rose to put on his grave today so I have been talking to him all day. Tomorrow he will get his rose.

I so know where your coming from. I find myself staying home more,wanting to do something but yet knowing I am with people but still alone. It's two years this month and instead of getting better I am getting more reclusive. I always feel like a fifth wheel. My husband and I did everything together. So something as simple as taking a car ride is something I miss so much..

Just to add another perspective, yes at almost 2 years I still miss my husband. As I am only 57 I could have many more years to endure my loss. But I refuse to give up hope that joy awaits me still. I try to connect with other singles when I want to socialize outside of my family and married friends. I even attempted online dating recently which I found very stressful so am going to wait on that for now. My life is not what I want it to be but despite some bad days I try to remain optimistic and socially engaged. I know that is very much what my husband would want for me. I wish us all peace.

Get it off your chest, cry, scream, do what you need to do to feel a little "better" for that moment. And there is no need to ever apologize.

I was at three years 02/11/17 and feel at lot like you do. I keep thinking it's going to get better but still feeling lost and alone. I find comfort in my faith. I picture Mike someplace else enjoying fishing and building bird houses with his family that passed before him. I try not to think about him being at the graveyard. We are left behind grieving while they have moved onto something new. "A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest." Ecclesiastes 3:2

Thanks for that. It's on my chest right now and I don't know if it will go away. After depositing a portion of my husband's ash on the sea as he willed, and according to regulation, I thoughtlessly went down to wash the baggie out on the jetty and slid down the rocks and hyperflexed my sternum. Now I have a pain right over my heart in addition to the emotional pain. It's been one month since I fell. It's supposed to take mos. to heal and some sources say it's unkown if rib cartilage ever really heals (because of no blood supply and always moving). Sounds familiar --- like your post. The injury is a constant reminder to me of him now...Plus I was upset finding out that I didn't go the full 3 nautical miles from shore that was required. I thought I remember reading 1 mile and I didn't double check before I left (still in widow's fog?) The woman I reported it to said not to worry, as long as it was in the ocean. Yet I felt like a failure all day. We were 2+ miles out...Thanks for letting me report what's on my chest. Today I feel better. May Christ's mercy be on us all, and his comfort always closeby.

That is why life is for the living. Our husbands/wives would not us wasting precious time, on being so sad ALL the time. So the fact is that you are pushing forward the best you can, and no one can tell you what is right or wrong, because there isn't one. You grieve however you want, and for as long as you need. Our soulmates are here with us always, in our heart and all the many memories we made with them. I am trying to create "anew" life without my soulmate in it... Its not easy, and sometimes it seems futile. He would be rooting me up to kick ass and push forward. so that is what Im trying to do... Much love and hugs carla

I understand how you feel. I lost my beloved husband 16 months ago and life is never been the same. The grief is so deep and I never have a day that passed without thinking of him.. I thought I can be strong and would be able to slowly move on but is is not the case. It has never been easy.

Yeah it gets worse before it gets better., but we never forget and from now till I die I expect there to be moments when grief and loss may unexpectedly wash over me, however few and far between they become. Even if I were to marry again. No one but another widowed person might understand. It's been 10 years for me so far and I am slowly picking up the pieces. Some people make it sound so clinical and easy. I never thought I would be one to grovel this hard this long as if I had no faith. Yet the grief is not because my husband is in heaven so much as everything I lost as a result and how drastically my life changed without him. No amount of being my own independent person with my own dreams has soothed or replaced what I lost. People who have not been there done that can never relate. Eventually you get sick and tired of being sick and tired and may find you can't cry mostly anymore and then you are forced to move forward even if you are afraid to. Some of the people in my widow meet up group are entering their second year and it's getting hard for them to control their emotions and they don't get why. Grief is not something you control; it is something you experience. It washes over you and sweeps you along until you learn to flow with it and work your way back to the safety of the backs where you learn to stand again.

Oh , this broke my heart ... I only read the fist two sentences and burst into tears ....oh it hurts so much . It's been two years and one month and I cry at least once a day ( but I don't let anyone see it.) That my private pain. I go through my new life so busy ,my every how is filled to the brim with stuff every day because if I'm not busy I'm sad and alone . I will never be kissed or hugs by that wonderful man . No one knew me like he did . I hate life without him and if you knew me you'd never know I feel like this because I'm a happy happy happy person on the out side...... This 2 year anniversary hit me like a ton of bricks ...OMG It was worse than last year ! How can it be worse ? How can it be worse? It's not fair , It's supposed to be better .It's not fair !!! I stayed up all night the night before so that I could try to sleep all day but I did't ,I woke up and had to make it through the day . I feel like I'm a balloon floating all alone and no one can see me. not the real me, I keep that hidden

kindredspirit, I'm at two years two months of losing my husband Dennis suddenly of a heart attack, he passed in his sleep and I found him. I too have found I'm starting to have those old feelings of first grief creeping back in, I hear friends who have experienced it it' s normal. Maybe the farther away we move from our loss, we feel guilty if we enjoy something and think by doing so we may forget them..Which we know just isn't true..WE will never stop loving and missing them. Funny how the mind works. Dennis always told me he wanted me to go on and enjoy our family and what we have worked for..Like someone said, they are not grieving for us they can see us and what's going on in our daily lives. I know it gets boring and on those days I just go with the flow, not beat myself up because I don't feel like doing yard work or cleaning or entertaining family and friends.
I live by myself, my kids are all grown adults and have their own families, but I know they're there if I need them.
Dennis, was a skeptic as to whether there is an after life, so we worked out a code to have happen on our anniversary after he passed, which is also my birthday...It happened in a big way, which I have written about here a couple of times. My kids have had so many signs from him, the skeptic. Watch for signs and ask for them they are there if you're open to them.
When we lose someone we love, it's what I call a Heartectomy..We feel the gaping hole of loss with why did this happen to my love one? We fill it with great regrets, memories and missing them and sometimes guilt which is such a useless emotion, it's only purpose is to torture us and it changes nothing.

"There are many kinds of Loves in our life, but never the same Love twice"..F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Here is a list of books that have helped me;

Everlasting Love..Patrick Matthew
Forever with you..Patrick Matthew

Evidence of Eternity..Mark Anthony
Journey of Souls..MIchael Newton

And the Chicken Soup for the Soul books;

Touched By an Angel

Dreams and Premonitions

Miraculous Messages from Heaven

Hope and Miracles

Hope this helps. Take care my friend..Many Happy Trails and much Peace..Gail

I remember right after my husband died 5 months ago I didn't want to leave the house. If I had to the market, I would duck in and out of the aisles if i saw someone i knew. I didn't want to have to explain how I was feeling. Also we didn't have many friends where we lived, most neighbors didn't even know he had passed away. This is the worst part the constant reminder of what your life used to be. I have gotten better at it and am looking forward to moving to a new city where that won't be an issue.