okay , my time to rant........
I am at 3 yrs 6 months and since my work slowed down to near nothing I am going out of my mind! There is nothing I want to do and nowhere to go and no one to do it with. I have had all the TV and computer I can stand. Doing puzzles and reading just isn't doing it for me. I have tried all I know to do. I hate this new life! I know this too shall pass, I just wish it would hurry up! It is not getting any easier, it seems harder. I was never alone before and I don't like it now, some people do, its just not for me.
Sorry for the rant but that's the way it is.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Though it has only been 6 weeks since I lost my husband I understand your feelings of being alone. As a women dealing with all the house stuff as you say can be stressful. But unfortunately you and I are not the only ones going through this. I am joining a Grief Program and hoping it will help. I believe it is never to late to join. When you walk through the door you will already have something in common with everyone there. Also when I am feeling down I go on this site and read some of the messages. It helps me not feel so alone. Hugs to you.

I am 50 years old, and my husband has been gone for for just over 2 years. I tell people that the first year I was numb and the second year I was aware..Not entering this phase I find myself reminiscing a lot and often overwhelmed with the amount of work that needs to be done when it used to be a team of two doing the same amount of work. I am a fellow Canadian and was born and raised in Norther N.B. until I moved at 19 years old. As a fellow maritimer I understand that you are not afraid of the work that needs to be done but get being overwhelmed by it all. You guys have also been hit with a lot of snow this winter and that adds to feeling overwhelmed. Don't worry about ranting, you earned the right to do so.

It's about 8 months since my wife died. My sadness has shifted a little recently, it's less crushing, except for when it hits me hard. Also last weekend was the first anniversary of my mom's death, so that took some focus away from thinking about my wife. Losing my mom after a long decline was not such a big deal for me, for many reasons, but she was still my mom. I lit some special incense and thought about her for a while.

I know that I have also been avoiding practical matters. I have to apply for Charity Care at the hospital, Arlene was uninsured and the hospital bill is about $562,000. I'm not sure I will qualify because of my income. I might need to declare bankruptcy. I have been avoiding going back to the hospital, but I just remembered they said I could mail in the application. Thank you for making me think about an alternative to going there.

And I need to order the grave marker, for the first anniversary unveiling. I think that process, and the anniversary, could set off another wave of sadness in the second year.

Maybe that is why the second year seems harder. The death and funeral send us into shock, and eventually the shock wears off, we regain some kind of equilibrium and develop a new routine. Then there are the lingering practical matters, and the ritual observances, that can trigger a resurgence of grief.

I had some help packing up Arlene's clothes for donation, but they are still in boxes in the bedroom. Maybe when we finally remove our spouse's things we no longer need, that also creates a kind of new loss.

I have been going to some professional meetups and meeting new people. I bonded a little in grief with someone I knew casually at one. We were sitting in a small group at the bar after the formal meetup, and I told them I dropped out of the social events in our tight-knit Drupal community for a couple of years because I was taking care of my wife and my mom. He told me about his wife's miscarriage, and I think he did that because he felt that I could empathize with his loss.

Arlene and I were not social with a lot of couples, but I understand how becoming widowed can change your friendships. Maybe you can talk to the couples you really like and tell them you would like to continue friendship. Maybe they feel awkward or uncomfortable. Reaching out to them can help them feel more comfortable, if they are able.

Another way to meet people is through meetups, for example on meetup.com. I joined a couple of meetups to play the spades card game a few years ago, and made some friends. We had a fun camping trip together.

It's hard for me to make myself go out to these events. But I sign up and I try to make it to them. I also went to my son-in-law's birthday party last weekend, and had a nice time talking with his friends, some of whom I already knew. I was invited by a new friend whom I met at a professional meetup to his in-laws' Passover seder. I used to have the seder with my mom and my wife, so it's great to invited for one this year.

I went to a couple of IvyLife events for fellow Ivy League grads. There are always smart and interesting people. At the last one, I was talking to a life insurance broker, and I told him I am thinking about life insurance so my daughter won't be burdened with my final expenses. He was very warm-hearted, and I told him about losing Arlene. I wasn't planning to talk about it, but it just came out. Afterwards I sent him a note and thanked him for listening. Also, on his LinkedIn, I saw that he wrote a book about the jazz musician Sun Ra, whom I also like. These kind of shared interests create a foundation for potential friendship.

On a practical matter, is there anybody you can call if you have a problem like the snowbank? Maybe you don't want to intrude, but you probably know some people who would be happy to help you when you need it. They won't know you need help unless you ask them. I understand that losing your husband, who would have helped you probably, is like losing your writing hand - then you have to figure out, how do I write now?

Debby, I'm sorry for your loss. I just lost my husband 2 days ago, and can barely function. One day at a time, I guess...like you said, tomorrow will be better...

Hi, Debby. I am so sorry for your loss. My second year was worse, too. As I look back, I was so very busy being "professional", making sure everything got taken care of....his duties as well as mine. The first year grief would well up and I would feel it closing in on me and I would go take a long bath and just cry. I would have to leave my meetings and "hide out" and take a few moments at a time for myself to grieve. The first year I had to do things I never had done before - his job stuff. Mow, weedeat, take care of the farm, wipe snow off my car, work on my well, learn to use a trickle charger, learn to drive his forklift at the barn ( that was a hoot!!). Angered that I had to make decisions alone that would have been best if I could have had his
input. Seems he always had the answer. The second year I saw, I felt, I observed, I took in. The second year was a growing year. So don't fear that. It'll be ok, my friend, you'll do fine, I did, sweet girl, and so will you,

My husband has been gone twenty months and I thought after all the "FIRSTS", that it would get better, but it became more real, that the "WE" is now 'ME." Everytime I go to the Doctor (75 years old), I think he would always take me and bring me back home. So I switched hospitals that is closer to my home, so I could drive. There are so many situations where he was the stabilizer. The realization in the second year and in the years to come, is that I depend more on God, who said "He would be a husband for the husbandless."

First off let me say how sorry I am for the reasons we are all here. That said I want to thank all of you for sharing. I don't share, but occasionally I pop in and read a few posts and with all the feelings I am experiencing it is comforting to know what I am going through is acceptable and I am not losing my mind. I have been wondering what is wrong with me as I seem to be getting worse instead of better. March 29 will be 2 years and I seem to cry more now. I don't share because I have trouble expressing myself and don't want to say anything stupid or insensitive, but I do want to thank all those that do, because it is comforting.

I haven't been on for about week because I have been dealing with an enormous amount of snow dumped on the East Coast. I am overwhelmed by all the responses. I thank all of you for the kind words of support and encouragement. I don't feel as alone in this world as I did. My rational side knows there are so many in my position, but I know so few in my daily life that I can talk to about it who understands. People are so uncomfortable hearing what I am dealing with (including family) that I just don't bother talking about it. I just want to thank all of you. I don't feel as lonely. And this week is better. That seems to be the way .... good days and bad days, with the bad days becoming fewer. Hugs to all of you.

droopy rose... love it !

Jesus , I trust in you ! is my rant... ugh... easier said than done lol