I am so sorry for you and your children’s loss. I will tell you from experience over the last 3 months please don’t shut down. It’s ok to tell others to give you room to breath and it’s also ok to ask them to listen to you.

My husband passed on Dec, 13 last year, but it is still very hard. My condolences to you. I don't have any magic words or words of wisdom. It seems it is a process. One minute at a time, one hour, one day, one month, and so on. I am trying to strengthen my relationships with my kids and step kids. Most of them live far away. I suppose you have your work cut out with two four year olds. That has to be tough. Most of us on here are just trying to get through the holidays alone. They say it does get easier and better with time, but right now that is difficult to wrap my mind around. We have all lost a part of ourselves, wondering if we can rebuild or find purpose once again.

Thank you. I never thought i would be a widower at 34; this is just overwhelming for me. I know I cannot shut down, and have to be strong for the girls.

my heartfelt sympathy to you and your girls. My husband passed away on 11/07. We have a 4 year old granddaughter who misses her "poppy" so much. I have been so amazed how much strength she has given me in my desire to be strong for her. I pray your girls will do the same for you! I have no words or wisdom but I can recommend a great book that someone else had recommended on this site "it's okay that you are not okay" by Megan Devine. I have found comfort in listening to this book.

Hello JJbja,

my love passed in September. I would only caution you, after reading the thread here, to be mindful of your needs while you are trying to keep from shutting down and trying to be strong for your girls.

if you lose sight of yourself, your physical and mental health can be affected by this unrecognized self neglect. so to truly be strong for your girls you must take very good care of yourself.

be mindful of eating, sleeping, and venting how you feel.

I wish I had magic words to make everything better for all of you, I am sorry for all the tomorrows that you were all denied by this terrible loss, and can only say treasure all the nows because someday they will be the memories that keep souls you love alive too. triple hugs~

jjbja1226, oh my goodness - I'm so sorry for the terrible shock and loss of your beloved wife. I'm sure you've been told by well-meaning friends and family to ask for whatever you need. I heard those words, and still hear them today, 27 days after my husband suddenly died. Their silence now seems deafening and I'm trying to not focus on that.

People who don't know this kind of loss don't really know how to help. But please, for your girls's sake, ask for help. Whether it's babysitting, helping with laundry, cleaning the house, etc. You will find out who really can and will step up in the very difficult days ahead.

Like everyone else here has said, it's very important you take care of yourself as well as you can. You may not have an appetite, but try to eat; you're going to be more exhausted than you've ever felt in your life, but try to sleep. And please don't be a stranger here - we are here to listen, grieve and cry with you.

Kim

Thank you Kim and I’m sorry about your loss. I knew my wife since i was 13 years old and with her gone now is something that I never thought i would experience or would wish on my worst enemy. I appreciate everyone’s support. My best friend told me yesterday that i should consider starting a foundation in her memory (young adults who suddenly lose their spouses). Of course this would be after i have enough time to heal and take care of my myself: way down the road. I find the long term idea of doing that great and it gives me some type of hope and comfort.

It's been 20 months since my hubby died suddenly.. I went through stages.. The hardest part for me was being judged for the way I grieved... Please do Not let anyone tell you what you should be doing... "With his wife just dying he should be more sad, or he should be in a support group, or he should be at church more" .. Like someone else said... Nobody knows this pain. You will be so busy for the next month or so, the the grief and depression, then anger, acceptance.... I can remember the day I started being grateful for the 10 years I got to be his and stopped hating God and the universe for taking him away... It gets better, it comes in waves... Reach out and love your babies!!

Thank you Michelle brand.

jjbja1226, I am so sorry that you lost your wife, and at such a young age. I lost my husband on Nov. 21st. He was 34. I am 42. He died of what I suspect was a heart attack in the middle of the night. I awoke and tried to get him help, to no avail. He had been diagnosed with a rare bone marrow disease called AL amyloidosis in October and had only had 1 treatment.
Like me, like all of us, you’re faced with a future without the person you expected to grow old with. You did everything together, talked throughout the day and went to bed and woke up to each other each day.
So what to do. Whatever you feel like doing. For me, spending time with supportive family and friends and talking to other widow/ers give me the most comfort. I need to be with people who will let me be me and who know what I’m going through. This experience has taught me, for one, to never tell someone who has lost someone to let me know if you need anything. I am in no frame of mind to know what I need. No, I will call and ask if I can come over and then bring something. Food, a bottle of wine, anything.
Most of all, I have learned to allow myself the time to grieve. I will not be on anyone’s timetable.

Thanks pmoore and I’m so sorry about your loss. What made this worst was that my two daughters were Home and saw her collapse so I’m worried about their well being. I keep replaying that night over and over in my head and it’s so traumatizing to me. I had to take care of her, speak to 911, and try and comfort the girls and have them not witness it. It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one experiencing these feelings. And I agree I’m on no ones timetable.

You’re welcome jjbja1226, and thank you. I also replay that night over and over in my head, but now when that vision starts playing, I try to stop it in its tracks and replace it with a happy or fun memory. I’m just trying the best I can to make it through. I will share anything that seems to help me and you please do the same. And when I need to talk to someone who understands or just read someone else’s words, I will come here.

I am so sorry jibja1226 that you have to be on this terrible journey. I cope by only focusing on the right now. If I look too forward into the future the grief is overwhelming and I become paralyzed. In the moments of extreme sadness I journal my feelings. Sometimes that is the only way I can release some of the emotion that consumes me. It is so new right now and that extreme loneliness can be horrible. I have a friend that texts every morning and every night, even after 2 months. That helps me to feel not so alone. Ask a friend to do that for you. Take care of yourself. Drink lots of water, eat a few bites of food even though it might feel like it is choking you. Those 2 beautiful babies need you, but you have to take care of yourself too. Sending hugs and prayers.

As someone who lost her mother at age 10 and watched her father sink further and further into himself. Please live for them. They need you and you need them. You need support yes but don't make decisions based on what you think they need. Just love them and let them know that no matter what you all are going through and how many tears you shed together that you will always be there for them. I really feel we lost our father with our mother in a way. I understand your loss as I am new to this as well. But as one who also lost her mother young, little girls feel the loss and grief their dads are going through and are petrified of losing their dads after such a thing. Talk to them so they can understand and let them tell you in their way what they are feeling. Especially if they witnessed her falling they are probably going to have to talk about it but let them do it in their own way. It may be through playtime or at night as they are tucked into your sides. But you too are going to need someone to talk too. I hope this helps. I will keep you all in my prayers.

I lost my first husband while 6 months pregnant and we had a 16 month old son. I swear to the Heavens they saved me.I had a reason to continue through them..children are very resilient .Allow them to help you back to life ( Hugs)