Widows & Widowers Support Group

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When do you stop feeling married?

mclizm
mclizm
This is for those who are further along in their grief. My husband only died a few months ago. I'm learning to live with that fact although it's still very hard to say out loud to people without tearing up. However, I'm having a much harder time coming to terms with the notion that his death means I'm not married anymore. Spent last weekend with friends who brought up the dreaded "you should meet ....." NO, absolutely not. Not even as friends. So not ready to go there. But it did make me think about the future. I'll be 48 next weekend. It seems sad to think of spending the rest of my life alone but at the same time I can't imagine wanting to be with anyone else. He was one of a kind. I'm sure we all feel that way about our spouses. I haven't stopped loving him just because he died. I still feel like I'm his wife. Was playing on Facebook with my status and then panicked when I hit widow and it removed "married to PJ". Hit cancel pretty darn quick. Can't I be both? Will I ever feel differently? Answers please.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My Mike has been gone 6 months. At first I still felt married and then did reconcile with being a widow/single. I guess it came to me when I had to re-order my checks and put them only in my name. My engagement lost it's stone long ago but I still have it. I plan on having the ring and my wedding ring made into another setting and put the stone for October in it. It is the month we got married.
BrokenGeo
BrokenGeo
Amen Marysch, Amen,
I'm 73 and yes age makes for a perspective that some of us find acceptable, but agreed, not all. It's the acceptance of our commitment to our partners that we feel comfortable in fulfilling till we ourselves are also no longer here. Only then will we really know whether our continued commitment was valid.

George
BandiBlue
BandiBlue
I'd like to add another "Amen" to marysch's response, and to George's as well. I am at 14 months, and I'm 63. Although Sam and I met very late in life, we did indeed plan to marry, so I will be Sam's spouse for the rest of my days. And that is fine with me!

Wishing peace to all . . .
laney77
laney77
I can't beleive there are people around you who are suggesting you should meet someone. It has only been a few months. I am at 4 and half years. This summer I sat with some new friends and was introduced as single. I will tell you I verbally fought that description until someone finally asked "well then what are you"? I'm alone.
I was Ron's wife, I will always be Ron's wife. I cannot imagine being married again. I have been out on dates, met men on line, slept with an old friend and hope to meet someone some day. But I'm still Ron's wife.
Please take the time you need to mourn your husband. There is no rush through this journey. Peace to you, Lori
sandeestttn
sandeestttn
I went to a baby shower today for my husbands nephew. I put a ring on my hand my husband gave me, sapphire with diamonds a waterfall ring. I put it on my left hand, didn't notice which hand it was on. His family members asked me if I was engaged? No, Mike gave it to me years ago. It hid the permanent indenture that circles my ring finger where I had wore my wedding rings for 50 years. invisible ring mark. no way to remove it. I refer to my husband as my husband, he always has been, always will be. That's part of my life that will never change. So why do we have to be either or? Sandee
gerald222
gerald222
I may not be married but I definitely have a soulmate. That will never be broken. I wear my wedding ring on my right hand to acknowledge there has been a change in our relationship but a commitment still exists. It gives me comfort. Gerry
handg
handg
Gerry , you said the way I feel...I may not be married but I still have a soul mate! I also like that you wear your wedding band on the right.
I can`t do so for my set as it does not fit and I do not want to have it made to fit. But I do wear his wedding band on a chain around my neck every single moment.
mclizm
mclizm
Thank you to everyone who took the time to respond. I appreciate all your thoughts and value your opinions. I don't know what the future holds for me, but I do know PJ would want me to be open to new possibilities should they arise. He would want me to be happy. He always thought of life as an adventure. He loved the ending of Pirates of the Caribbean when Johnny Depp says "now bring me that horizon". It's a lot to live up to but I'm trying each day. Liz