Mclizm,

How I understand what you are saying. I still feel married. I don't feel like a widow. I hate that word. I certainly am not single as that would imply I was open to a relationship which I am not. Lost my husband just over 2 months ago. I wear my wedding ring and don't want to date or even entertain a man as a friend right now and am not sure if I ever will. My husband was also one of a kind and perfect for me. He was really the only person in my life who I completely trusted to always have my back no matter what. How can you move on from that and how could anyone ever compete with that. It just hit me the other day that in our wedding vows its says " Till Death Do Us Part" Funny how those words didn't sink in at the time. I don't feel we are parted anyway except physically. Emotionally I am still very much married to him and still very much in love with him. Just half of me is missing and my heart is shattered into a zillion pieces. Never say never, but if I were ever to find someone else I know it would pale in comparison to what I had. Don't think I could ever open up to another person the way I could to him. A very large part of me is gone so another person would only be getting a small part of who I was. Hope that makes sense.

Yes you will. I started a hand written journal to address the end of my marriage to Sally and the start of a new direction for me. I parked my marriage in a large white room of happy events we shared together. I cried my eyes out as I did this and I thanked her for 31 years of being a great buddy, friend, lover and all around great girl! I miss her but I could not continue in my healing until I thanked her for the good and the bad in our relationship. By and large it was all good but we had our times. I've come to the point I know the good run is over and I have to now live for me. My neighbor and I closed up the bars last night which I have not done for 30 years. I must go forward with my life. The hand written journal is difficult to write but it is making me face the reality I'm in. I'm tired of crying and I know Sally would want me to pick up my toys and find a new sandbox. Difficult to do but if we want to live a happy and productive life. I'm sorry that you have to be in this journey
with the rest of us but shit happens and it happened to us. Please reach out to DS anytime you feel the need. Finding this site has given me more healing than I could ever thought was possible! Best 2 U from Montana!

Dewey

I still wear my ring. Whenever I have to fill out a form where they try to identify the respondent, I always have to hesitate before checking off "widowed." It's a curious and confusing limbo state where we're not technically married, but we're not psychologically in a state to say that we are single. On this journey, one of the most challenging facts to embrace is that no one will replace our beloved, and that only something or someone different will one day come along. Not all of us are ready to move on, or are not ready to move forward with someone else yet. However, I would think when that time comes, it would be terribly unfair to all involved to expect that someone new to ever be forced to "live up to" our spouse. Comparisons are rarely useful, and to compare two people is as helpful as comparing a nebula to a spatula. To my mind at least, until I can give up thinking in terms of comparisons, I will not be ready for someone new.

I am at just over a year, so yes I have pondered the questions you raise.
In a nutshell, here is where I am at when it comes to feeling married but not wanting to live alone for the rest of my life.
I am not looking for a replacement in my life, but I would like someday to have an addition to my life. It is that simple.
I know how the outside world sees me and thats ok, but in my heart I will always be married to Janice. Anyone I would share life with would understand.
On facebook I removed my relationship status completely. After awhile it didnt seem right to show me as married but I didnt want to use the widower option. Now my facebook page doesnt list a status of any kind for me. My wife was not on facebook so it was a much simpler process for me, but even with that it was hard to do.
Martin

Their will never be a replacement! However there may be a new, different and exciting relationship at some time in our future. I have never sought out a relationship! It seems that they have found me. After my divorce in 1981 before I meet Sally I was dating a very special girl. She wanted more than I could commit to at the time. I broke her heart bceause I was not ready for what she wanted and needed. From that experience I do not want to ever repeat that experience. From that I learned everything takes time. Sal and I had 31 years so its going to be quite a while before I will be ready to commit my heart to anyone. I'm sure that it might happen in the future but I want to ready for it. I've gotten past the point that I feel married but I do not feel single either. I miss the touch from a female companion but I have to get over it. Writing from Montana where men are men and sheep are nervous! Sorry if that last sentence offends any one but it's one of the Montana jokes out there.

Way more men than females here!

Dewey

Cliff and I were together for 30 years, he died in 2007, and I was only 50 at the time.

In 2010, I remarried a widower (Acuriousfish/Mark), and we have been married for just over 4 years.

I have two husbands. One is here, the other is in heaven.

I have described it as having two hearts. Here is a link to a discussion on that subject which I wrote after I became engaged:

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Widows_Widowers/forum/9040500-great-debate-and-two

I will never stop feeling married, to either of my husbands.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I don't think I will ever stop feeling married. Maybe not until my kids are all grown and gone. My youngest will be 4 in two days and was born after my husband died. I have always thought of myself as married. I wear my rings and I am not interested in dating. I found things to fill what little time I have. I do not dwell on spending the rest of my life without a man. I really don't want one and don't think my children would welcome the idea. I am just secure in who I am.

Maggie

I was married for 47 1/2 years. All my life. It has been 21 months. I am still married in my heart. Just don't have a partner in life anymore. Sandee

I am definitely the "oddball" in this group I guess. I felt "unmarried" almost immediately. When filling out forms I have to check widowed of course. If asked I've said the same thing. I no longer feel a connection with my husband at all, and have actually re-discovered myself as a person. As to new relationships........I will know if it feels right, and hope I am wise enough to know not to compare a new someone with my husband. No two individuals are alike and must be accepted for who they are.

I had trouble with considering myself anything but married for a very long time. I made a friend about three years after Don's death who was also a widowed and we shared our grief together. I had no desire for a new relationship and thought I never would. Less than a year later I met Artie and I knew that there was a connection between us. It didn't change anything about my feelings for my husband, but added another connection to my life that was good and right. We committed to each other 3 years ago and I have no doubts when we join our lost love ones in heaven there will be celebrating together.

I came to this by knowing my friend I referred to earlier that our love is meant to be shared and life is meant to be enjoyed whether with someone or fully independent as an individual. It's a knowledge of the heart. Sharon

I feel more like hgsdms. I began to feel not married immediately--either that or I was going to be darn mad at my husband! I have to live in this empty house by myself, do absolutely everything on the farm, try to figure out how to make extra money to pay off my mortgage.... Yeah, I'm not married any more.

As I have said before, at six months the Scripture about there being no marriage in heaven hit me, and I immediately released Jake to be who he is now. Didn't want my grasping at him to in any way delay whatever he is to experience in heaven.

It will be two years on Tuesday and in that time, I have experienced nothing to indicate in any way that I am still married. My other half is gone and I have to drag myself around wounded until I become whole again.

I no longer feel married. I still wear my rings on my right hand because I think they're beautiful and I enjoy wearing them. The reality of being responsible for everything(home, finances, kids), has made me feel not married. But I'm realizing that I can do this, I'm stronger than I thought. I have no problem with "widow", that's what I am. I still feel a connection to Paul and always will(we've got history). But I may live a long time yet and I hope it's not alone.
ps: Dewey, your sheep comment made me laugh out loud!

Montana has its own sick humor. The cowboys tuck their pants into their boots. Convenience I believe! I'm trying to find some humor and want to make something good out of this horrible journey! Sal made me a better person and this process will too. I'm full of BS and try not to take things too seriously. Unfortunately reality has its own trapping mechanism and we cannot escape that bad things happen to good people. I spent 16 years working in corrections and things happen to good people which they have no power over. I'm pleased that my drivel provides some useful content to folks. It is sure helping me to examine myself and where I'm at. I'm truly sorry for all of your losses and I do not for a minute think our partners ever wanted to leave us in this state of confusion, fog and grief. I do feel that they want us to process at whatever pace we can and enjoy life in their honor. Sal was a fun, exciting girl and she wishes the best for me and thanks me for the time we had! I miss her so but I will march foward as all of us will.

I wish all the best and hope your days are good!

Coming to you from one of the most beautiful states in the US!

Dewey and my buddy Harley!

Turd brought a mouse into the house last night.and let it go! He likes to play with them in the house!

I said I wasn't going to do this again but I couldn't let this go.
I guess everybody should do what they want but after 50 plus years from my, and I stress MY, standpoint it comes down to this. Somewhere in my computer (who in h*ll knows where) is a quote that goes something like this.
"Only once in life can we deeply, truly and completely love, for only once are we fully and properly equipped to do so".
When you reach a certain age (or as circumstances dictate) I believe you reach that level of acceptance. I for one have to follow my feelings, as does everybody else. That why we're all unique.
So yeah I'm still married.

B.R George.

I too don't feel married anymore though I miss saying "my husband did this or that" I am not interested in dating neither do I yearn to have a relationship with another man. I told my husband many times that he is the last for me in this lifetime.