Do what I do, take one day at a time. I have a brother who I help out cus he has MS but it's not a everyday thing. Life can get boring at times I will admit to that. My husband has been gone for almost 8 yrs now. Maybe you ought to volunteer maybe at a nursing home or a hospital or a animal shelter. Whatever you enjoy doing. They say do what you love and you won't get tired of it. Take up a hobby. It's different with men I know. I write to pen pals and read and work in the yard (once winter is over with). What about a senior center? Just ideas that keep popping in my head. lol That's how I am. Wish I could help you more. Have a good night.

Our purpose in life after we lose our spouse is really the same as it was when we had them. I can finish out this life because the same God who walked with me as a child, who led me to my husband, is still with me today. I wish I still had my husband, but my life is still just as important to God as it was before. He leads me and gives me new things to do---things I would not have expected, but I find them to be fulfilling and purposeful, and there's even joy in doing them.

I am in much the same situation as you. My husband of 52 years passed away and you are so right when you say it is difficult to find new goals. We had no children, and no other living family. Hobbies are fine, but if they involve creative efforts such as art, writing, even gardening, if there is no one to say "oh, what a nice job honey" , , what is the point? Well, it took me a while to figure out that YOU are the point, you are the only one who needs to be satisfied and pleased with what you are doing.

Back again, somehow hit the send button a bit too quickly. My thought is this. Find something you have never done before. Take music lessons or go to an art class. Learn a language, It's not easy being alone, I know. The best part of doing something new is you don't have to even be good at it if you enjoy it. I wish you success in finding something to bring you some moments of joy.

You certainly are not alone in the way that you feel about purpose. It is hard to find purpose in your life after the loss of your wife after years of devotion to one another. Work was my salvation after John's passing, but I will be retiring soon, a very difficult decision, because I always thought that I would be retiring to spend time with John. My immediate plans are to work in my yard and flowerbeds plus clean out some of my outer buildings. I am also looking at volunteer opportunities so that I can give back and help people who are less fortunate. Helping others keeps my mind off of my own situation and gives me some fulfillment. I have been checking out volunteering at the local homeless and temporary housing shelters plus a recovery house for women. I also want to check out the state food bank and other local food pantries to see if I can be of any help. Just a few ideas for you; I am sure the same needs are in your area. We just need to keep in mind that God still has us here for a reason. Best of luck to you. Roxanne

Thanks, vinlin, OmaGosh, 52 years, and roxanne809 for replying. I got some good ideas and different perspectives. I think it will help when Springtime gets here in earnest. Spring is a time of rebirth and life.

Lon, there is no easy answer to your good questions. My Morey was my life.......it wasn't perfect, we had our issues and after being married for more than 40 years and sharing so many wonderful and fulfilling memories it seems like an impossible task to move forward without him.

I, too, have recently retired and after 21 years with the same company not getting up every morning and spending my days keeping very, very busy is not so easy.

Morey and I loved to travel......even just taking road trips was a lot of fun for us. When we were younger we loved to go camping, hiking and investigating new and different places. We didn't always have to say a word to each other, we would hold hand and BE with each other. It worked for us and I loved his company.

He filled my soul.

We're in the same boat, we're facing each day afraid of sinking and not being able to swim to shore alone! Hang in there Lon, we're here for each other and share similar stories.

You, me, vin and oma will have the capability of saving each other more than we know!

it is the sense of "belonging" that is gone, and which I miss so deeply...There is no one whom I belong with, or belong to.. our adult children &/or grandchildren all belong to their new chosen ones &/or direct families.

I agree with AfterMom. Today has been one of the longest, loneliest days of my life. Since my church family threw me under the bus, and only one of my sons lives here in town, I kinda, sorta feel like I have no one. My parents are gone, half my siblings are gone, two husbands - gone. Does anyone ever feel like they are losing their sanity? I'm trying to move, but I can't even focus on that. It is a step of faith, and I don't know if relocating is going to help. Another widow suggested I be some sort of missionary; I don't think so. I may do something later, but right now I am wondering how I am going to get everything done by the middle of June. I am worried about survival.

Discover who you are. I was a part of someone else and now that the shock has worn off and am alone I am finding out who i am alone. Discovering many things about me.What helps me is being grateful for what i do have. Imagine not having your health or anybody else. It takes time but it's what i have now.

Lon, June 12 will be 4 years since Marylou's Spirit Birthday. That morning I had every hope that she would soon be home from the hospital with me...but that evening I knew that she never would.
We had half our lifetimes with each other, and that was the day I became someone I didn't know.
I understand exactly what you mean by having trouble finding a reason to do anything at all. Your wife was your reason for everything you did. That is because you have had the privilege of putting the needs of another above your own needs.
That's what marriage is. And that's why Spirit Birthdays are the agony that they are.
Many times in our conversations, Marylou would tell me that if she left this life before me, that I was not to spend the rest of my life suffering and lonely, but that I had her blessing to find friendship and love.
In the first year, I said I will always be Marylou's husband forever, and not open to meeting someone at all.
Wanna give God a good laugh? Tell Him what your plans are!
What that means is, that God is not worried about YOUR plans... because HIS plans will likely find YOU.
I met a lady who is a widow herself. She was where I was, we understood each other, and became good friends.
I fought having a relationship for over two years...because someday, when it's my turn to blow this popsicle stand, I want to join Marylou in the next life.
Still do, always will.
But, Marylou's words came back to me..."don't suffer in loneliness, find friendship and love."
If you think about it, that's a dying request.
How do you say "no?"
So what is your reason for living now?
Open your heart. That reason just might come and find you.

Thanks for additional replies. I am taking all ideas in and hopefully something makes sense at some point.

It's certainly difficult wondering what you are dealing with. I was married to my high school sweetheart for 40 years. I lost him to cancer 10 weeks after diagnosis. Talk about being lost! I certainly was. To me, I would just do whatever you need to at the time. Allow yourself to cry. Allow yourself to laugh also. Don't be afraid to talk to him. You may feel his words in your heart.

I spent each morning with my coffee and a pad. I wrote him and told him all my thoughts and fears. I wrote telling him about our children. I even told him all my thoughts and fears. I spoke these things out loud. In time I would feel his answers. I lived with this for a while. In fact I still talk to him.

Getting to what now? Now It's your time of discovery of who you are. The possibilities are endless and initially I only wanted him back. I would sit at the river and watch the boats. Do and try things. Most importantly give yourself permission to spend a day in your pajamas. Indulge yourself. You will find your way through this horrible thing called grief. You'll never be the same as you were, but you will be able to live without crying. Sharon

Thanks, Sharon.

I'll be 69 next month, retired early in 2012, my wife died Sept 2017 Amazing to see your post today, I'm was setting here thinking about how my life has become a pale shadow of what it once was with my wife and work. The boundary's of my daily life have shrunken little by little to mostly staying at home. Like you, the thought of traveling alone is like asking for a table for one at a restaurant, Thought I would sign on and feel the support of the group and there you are. You just nailed the reality of many older widows/widowers. The smiling active models on the pages of senior focused magazines are no more real than the youth beauty ones. Like you I'm fortunate to be comfortable so something that has given me great joy is watching for opportunities to pay it forward on a personal level. Today I was at grocery store and the women in front of me was so stressed I asked quietly would it be ok if I paid for her groceries, . I just say I had a very good day and want to pass it on, so not to sound creepy to a stranger. Almost everyday the opportunity presents it's self more and more these days, Simple acts The happiness that comes from that is one of my reasons for living. now. Finding simple things, not some grand plan is what has started to bring me back from a grey place. I discovered that looking for a grand plan was simply an excuse to not move.