I'm so sorry for your loss...there really is nothing that will help with the grief or feelings of loss...food is a good start, maybe if there is any cleaning that you just aren't up for, or funeral preparations if you haven't already done that...really, there are no easy answers...my husband died 6 months ago and I still don't know where I stand...

My condolences..I like everyone else here, understands what you are experiencing, and I am very sorry for your loss..

for me, people did the same..Food showed up..they showed up...Just let them do that..If you want any of them to come just sit with you/talk to you/ just listen...let them do that too..you are likely still in a state of shock, i know i was at that point..

and leverage this site, any friends/family you can..

Sorry for your loss, welcome to our group.let them do anything people want to make it better but nothing will at this point. If you need us there is always someone here to listen. This site was the best thing I found! I don't think I could have made it this far without these loving understanding people. We've all been where you are.
Rachel

So sorry to read of your wife's passing, but you've come to a great place. It's been my lifeline because someone is always willing to listen, and sometimes that's all that we really need.

Let folks continue to make meals for you. Check online to see what you can freeze if you find yourself with more food than you can use.

When folks ask what they can do, if there's nothing that comes to mind right away, you might remind them to just give you a call now and then.

But please continue to come here to DS ... the door is always open and someone's sure to respond to a post!

Wishing you peace . . .

Hi Dan, I am truly sorry your wife died. I am glad you found us so soon - I sure wish I would have gotten here much sooner than I did. I don't have any great advice on how to answer the offers - just let whatever happen. Sadly, most of us share a common experience of a wave of activity from death until shortly after the service, and then the calls and visits become fewer and fewer until we are just left alone with our grief. So use this support group as your lifeline. Everyone here is loving, compassionate, and understanding. We'll understand what you are going through - so you will never have to be alone. God bless you ~ Scott

Sorry for your loss.
In the beginning, when people offered help, I told them the truth. I had no idea what was needed, and that I was living "second to second" at that time. Nothing much mattered when the world as I knew it had just imploded....
None of them seemed offended by that reply.

So sorry, Dan.

When my husband died suddenly, I let anyone who asked know that what we needed most at that time was privacy with our grief. The second thing we needed was prayers.

There was no way I could deal with visitors at that traumatic time.

They understood.

Linda

So sorry for your loss. As everyone has said there are no words to describe how you feel now or will in the near future. We get it. All of it. Lean on us. Together we have strength.

I very much withdrew from everyone.
In hindsight things that would have helped and which people would have been glad to do were:
- simple shopping for the daily things and meals that could be microwaved
- basic cleaning (I didn't clean my house properly for 8 months)
-dropping in and bringing me a sandwich at lunchtime as I couldn't be bothered
- helping me with the thank you notes

When I went back to work there were retired friends who had me drop in for dinner on my way home. This was such a help.

Im sorry for your loss, when my wife died ppl cleaned and kept me company. I was just brutally honest about everything, the first few weeks i mostly wanted to be alone. now at 9 weeks company is what i want most people to be there when i get home from work. Good luck to you brother. N

My deepest condolences for your loss. I know when I first got all those, "let me know if you need anything" or "I'm here if you need me"....I just felt so meh about it. People don't know what to say so they just say something. I typically responded by just saying check on me or just call me. In my case however many of those phone calls and visits stopped once people got passed the funeral. Everyone was grieving in their own way and just want to help. I'm sure it's the same case for you. If they're there to help let them help....you'll need it. take care

So sorry for your loss. At the point you are I think friends are at a loss for words. They want to help you, but they feel totally helpless. My answer was to hug them, cry with them and assure them if I needed them I would call. You are starting a difficult journey that you will travel by yourself. But, you will find your friends and family will help you through it. My thoughts are with you.

I'm so very sorry for your loss, things get better with time.

After Cliff died, there was a multitude of things that went wrong that he normally wouldbhave handled which I just couldn't. I found the best thing to do was ask for specific help when possible. People hurt for us and want to help, but they don't really know what we're up against and how to help. A couple of friends did odd errands for me - like when I couldn't get to the vet's office to get the flea treatment for the cat, one of them went and got some for me, It may sound silly, but I couldn't cope and it wasn' t easy for me to drive at that point, and that helped immensely. She was another cat person, so she knew what to do. Her partner replaced a leaking faucet for me - something that Cliff would have handled which I couldn't.

You can also just say that you're so overwhelmed that you'd appreciate just be able to talk to them in a week (or whatever).

I am sorry you are in this situation and for your loss. I am glad you found us. I hope being here helps you as mucvh as it helped me. Welcome.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Dan, good for you for reaching out so early on.

Everyone wanted to do something but it seemed that the more busy I was the better it was for me. And, there was so much to do.

Morey had passed right before tax season and that meant that I had to go into "get the job done" mode immediately. Scared me to death but it kept me very, very busy.

If friends and family are asking to help and you want their company, put them to work. If you really want to be left alone.....tell them so!

After I had finished what HAD TO BE DONE, I really wanted some alone time. I wanted to cry, wale and weep in my solitude. I needed to do that all by myself.

What do you want to do? Be kind and honest with yourself.

Write often and share your life with us.

Warmly,
Roz