Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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jerseydebbie
jerseydebbie
I lost my life partner a little over two years ago. I've been doing pretty well, but the last two weeks have been extremely emotional for me.

Seems that the impending Father's Day triggered it. I feel my husband so close to me that I can taste it. Lots of little memories that I had forgotten are popping in my head, and everywhere I look brings a memory of something we said or did together.

I miss him so damned much, and often apologize to him for being so emotional. I know that if I had died first, my husband would not have made it this far. We occasionally talked about our intentions if left behind, and I am doing exactly that. I am my husband's legacy and am committed 100% as his wife. My belief is that we are only separated temporarily, but still bound in spirit. My husband and I could not bear the thought of living without the other. We were that blended.

I'm content with my life and the path I am headed, but wondered if anyone else out there who lost their partner over a year ago is going, or has gone through the same thing. Sometimes I think there is something else wrong with me, but my tears are ones out of love.
Community Leadercliffskat
cliffskat
I remember you saying that you had donated some of his clubs to charity. Could you perhaps talk with his former teammates to brainstorm? Maybe the 4 of you could pool some resources to offer a small scholarship for a young person to pursue their golf skills? Sometimes it just takes a small bit of help to change a young person's chances in life. I wonder if you could get some of Dick's contacts to help sponsor it. Just a thought....

It's good that you have the Elks ceremony every year. It seems sometimes very hard to keep their memory alive. I still talk about Cliff all the time - it is MY history too, so I don't see why not. I don't think I lost the rights to my personal history because I was widowed. I hate it when people look surprised or squirm when I even mention his name. Why should that be a taboo subject?? It doesn't make sense, does it?
jerseydebbie
jerseydebbie
No, I didn't donate them to charity. I wanted to, but our good friend took them for his son, who had taken up the sport. The ultimate legacy would be the golfing tournament he most loved to play in, but it was started by the children of another Elks member in his memory and honor. The one child (a son) that I could coordinate something with loves to drink, and has the roving eyes. So, it would not be in my best interest to involve myself in that respect.

For right now, I find that just talking about Dick to those who loved him also, and who care, is the best, but I sure wish something would come down the pike to make his legacy known.

Mostly, I am Dick's legacy and make it known to everyone just what he meant to me. And again, the ones that avoid the subject make me the maddest. My widowed friend said to stop expending my energy, because you can't make people understand your pain. They didn't have what you did and they have not walked your journey. They want you to be in the place they are in, see it the way they do, and feel what they do. Not possible, and not going to happen.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Debbie what you are going through is the experience of most of us with great loss like that of spouse. I lost my husband year ago, since then I feel the same like you and sometimes want attention of relatives and other people who perhaps do not feel or understand my grievance. Life is not the same but with prayer and speaking out especially through this forum will help and you will see that you are not alone.
Hugs and love to you
BeccaZ
BeccaZ
Wow, I thought I was the only one feeling this way. I have felt so alone, not knowing if anyone would ever "get it". It will be 4 months on the 8th of next month. I keep looking for that right answer. I know if I let myself cry, I might never stop. I try to wrap my mind around feelings and I feel blank. I smell everything trying to smell him, I hold everything trying to feel him, I stare at his picture trying to will him to see me. People tell me it will get better, I will get over "it". Jim was not "it", he was my best friend, he was my lover, he was my husband and I will never get over him and will never forget him.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It is 34 months since my husband passed. I just turned 64, I worry about how I am going to manage the upcoming years. I already have a couple autoimmune illnesses which make my life difficult. I try to handle things in my life the best I can, and so far things are working out. The thought of living for another 20 or more years alone, is what I worry about. I have very little family support. If only my health would improve my life would be much easier and bearable. I am seeing a doctor who hopefully will come up with a few suggestions to make life easier.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi Debbie
It has been 13 months since I loss Bobby . He was my best friend, husband, father, lover and so much more. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of him really not a minute . He is always in my thoughts. I am doing better that a year ago but still it does hit hard but I know it will pass and I can go on. I do not think there is anything wrong with you or anyone of us. As I but it to friends it is just that I miss him beside me it just that simple. We just need to take it one day at a time, as I tell my very close friends this is my new norm life. Not one that I wanted but I need to find out where I fit in it. Debbie you take care
Linnie
icezam19
icezam19
Jerseydebbie............I completely identify with you.
Bill has been gone for 13 months and people don't want me to talk about him - I notice their uncomfortable looks.
How dare they? Bill was my everything ...and still is. I will forever be his wife.
Thank you for voicing that deeply felt pain - that our wonderful husbands are being erased by others.
Our second grandchild will be born in 8 weeks. She will never meet her fantastic grandfather :(
YOU CAN BE SURE I will tell her all about him.
I can't believe Bill is gone and the gut wrenching pain still hits me. I ride the waves of grief knowing that each day that passes is one day closer to when we'll be together again.
jerseydebbie
jerseydebbie
I spoke with my minister last night and told her my honesty with my feelings. I want to continue to be his wife, for in my soul, it is who I am. I am Debbie, but I am also Dick's wife. And I explained continuing to wear my rings, and how I admire the widows of the church that God has exposed me to, to give me example that there is a peaceful life remaining the spouse of your beloved partner, even though he is not here. She told me that there are no apologies and I am where I am supposed to be, and be exactly what I am supposed to be.

I get very overwhelmed at times, and when the gut-wrenching wave hits me, I really don't know what to do with myself. I am thinking about visiting my counselor within the next week, just to touch base and get a handle on things. But, at the same juncture, I really don't think I need it. Just listening to all of you and the positive reinforcement I am receiving tells me I am going to be OK.