Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
There are so many great topics, and it helps so much to see the varying opinions and solutions. So can you all help with this one? I was wondering how you have handled wearing, continuing to wear, or removing your wedding band/engagement ring.
Do the opinions vary according to age? Gender?
For me, I wore my rings for over a year. At that time, I intuitively knew--for me--it was time to take them off. I wanted to still wear them but in a different way. I took his and my rings to a jeweler and had a beautiful necklace created from the three of them. I wanted our daughters to have something that they would enjoy wearing after I was gone. So many times rings are put in the drawer after both parents pass and are never used again--not always the case--but sometimes. When I wear the necklace it brings me much pleasure, but few know what it really is. If they comment on it, I quietly explain how it came about.
Do the opinions vary according to age? Gender?
For me, I wore my rings for over a year. At that time, I intuitively knew--for me--it was time to take them off. I wanted to still wear them but in a different way. I took his and my rings to a jeweler and had a beautiful necklace created from the three of them. I wanted our daughters to have something that they would enjoy wearing after I was gone. So many times rings are put in the drawer after both parents pass and are never used again--not always the case--but sometimes. When I wear the necklace it brings me much pleasure, but few know what it really is. If they comment on it, I quietly explain how it came about.
It's that simple for me ... she's gone and our relationship with it. It's a treasured memory, but not a present reality. I owed her only one thing -- to love her with all my heart while she was here to love. Now what I owe her is to cherish her memory. It happens that in my case, the ring doesn't help me with that. I recognize that it's not the same for everyone, though. If the ring helps, by all means wear it. There's not right or wrong about that, and no timetable.
--Bob